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Original poster

Snugly - useful? Introducing our family'smell' and an object to travel from our home to their home and back to ours with them!

28 replies

Italiangreyhound · 14/03/2014 23:52

I read on a thread somewhere about giving a new child a 'snugly' that smells of your home to keep in their home, perhaps on their bed, so they get used to your smell. DH is suggesting a sleep suit but surely if they start to wear it then it will smell of them and we would be back to square one!

I saw a blanket but it was a bit babyish. I suggested a duvet and cover but the bed at their current home is a toddler one and when they come to us they will have a bigger bed.

Any thoughts, please? Grin

OP posts:
odyssey2001 · 15/03/2014 08:04

We slept with the introduction cuddly and a nice stripy rug for about three weeks. We gave his social worker the rug after matching panel for our LO to have once the decision maker's decision came through. His FC put the rug on his bed. Then we gave his the intro cuddly on the first day.

cedar12 · 15/03/2014 08:41

We got dd to pick ds a cuddley toy and she gave it him the first time they metSmile

roadwalker · 15/03/2014 08:48

We got a cuddly toy which she got along with the intro book
The cuddly toy was included in photographs in the book too

Inthebeginning · 15/03/2014 08:56

hey Italian we've got a little toy that we're going to sleep with for a couple of weeks. It'll go to lo with the family book. The toy is mentioned in the family book and in photos with us/family too.

Kewcumber · 15/03/2014 09:28

In theory its a great idea and probably works often. I bought two identical soft toys (been warned about the issue of losing one) slept with the damn thing for months.

DS couldn't have been less interested in the damn thing and has hardly ever played or cuddled soft toys!

Double check the cover though because even if they have a toddler bed they might be using a normal single quilt

Moomoomie · 15/03/2014 10:39

How about a fleecy blanket that he can have over his bed or carry around with him.
We didn't do anything like this for dd1 and 2 but we sent a teddy and then took a blanket with us for dd3, I'm not sure what difference it made at all.

I know for dd1 who was 2 years old, what she found the most helpful was the photo book we sent (such a shame it didn't come home with her, that'll be something else the FC binned) she knew what we looked like and the dogs names from the book.

cedar12 · 15/03/2014 11:25

The best thing we used was the tomy talking photo album, we semt it to the foster carers a week before intros. You van get them on amazon and in toys r us I think.

cedar12 · 15/03/2014 11:28

Our ds was a bit younger than your ds is going to be but I think it would still work. It was nice for him to hear our voices we even recorded the dog!!

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 15/03/2014 11:31

Thanks, we have the Tommy talking butterfly book, I think I got the idea from you on here Cedar (thanks mate Wink) and we are making a scrap book and a video.

The smell thing was something someone said and I can't remember who! I think a blanket will suit or a cuddly toy. I want it to be something he could keep if he wanted to and an item of clothing won't do that.

Please keep your ideas coming. It all helps.

Kew ha ha, well you tried, and that is all we can do isn't it. Some things work and some do not, but we try and it can be a funny story to tell him when he is older!

Inthebegining HUGS - we are pretty much at same stage together!

OP posts:
CheeryGiraffe · 15/03/2014 12:38

Italian, I have made a blanket whilst we've been going through the assessment process, with the intention that it be passed to our child following matching panel so get them used to our smell. Because I have made it, it probably stinks of me by now! Grin

I think a blanket or a cuddly toy sounds the best option if you would like him to be able to keep it. Perhaps you could ask your DS's SW/FF whether he likes cuddly toys? Also it would be lovely if your DD helped to pick the item. Not the same, but I chose my DB's teddy before he was born and it helped me feel part of the whole process I think. Smile

Inthebeginning · 15/03/2014 13:42

that's a lovely thing you've done cheery

Mercythompson · 15/03/2014 16:43

Italian, if you are looking for a soft toy, Jellycat do dragons and billy goats and all sorts, so might be suitable for a slightly older child.

RabbitRabbit78 · 15/03/2014 17:55

We had a talking photo book, and a cuddly Jellycat toy, and a set of bedding for our DS (then 2).

We slept on/with the toy and bedding for a few days so it all had our smell, then took it when we met the FCs for the first time. He had the cuddly in his cot from then on, the bedding didn't go so well. The FCs said he wouldn't go to sleep with it on the bed, but in hindsight he had a lot of issues with sleeping at that time and they were resistant to what they felt was us taking over (they were great, don't get me wrong, but it's a difficult situation for all concerned).

In the end they gave us his bedding so he had his familiar smell the first night he moved in. Obviously this may not be able to happen for everyone but we definitely felt it helped us as he slept (relatively) well since day 1 at our house.

He still looks at the talking photo album 6 months is, we felt it helped him know what our house looked like and how we sounded before he met us so it wasn't all completely unknown.

missingwordsround · 15/03/2014 19:35

I would recommend this. Smile

I am a foster carer who uses a drop of baby olbas on foster babies' bedding/favourite toy - I give a bottle to adoptive parents. Then their new bed will smell comforting and familiar, when they go to their forever family. I also do this with my own DD as it helps her settle when we visit grandparents or go on holiday.

TrinnyandSatsuma · 15/03/2014 20:38

Hi,

If you can, the first night your little one spends with you, take the bedding from their foster carers bed. That way it smells and feels familiar and like home. We did this. I didn't wash the sheets on his bed for two weeks! I was terrified that when I did, something terrible would happen, but he didn't notice. I do think that the familiar smell really helped on the first few nights though. We still have that bedding set, and rotate it with a new one too.

X

allthingswillpass · 15/03/2014 21:25

We did the tomy too. LO still looks at it now. We slept with 2 bunnies - and like kew LO couldn't care less about them.
I knitted a little blanket which I thought he'd not be bothered about either but if he sleeps in the buggy or in the car he demands it so it's amazing what they make special and you just never know.

excitedmamma · 15/03/2014 21:43

definately... we bought our LO a bunny and it was in her moses basket for a week before she came to us.... she has utterly 'adopted' it and he comes EVERYWHERE with us.... god help us if we ever loose him... we have bought another one but he is far to clean to be loved Wink

If you get chance, I'd recommend asking FC what he is 'into'... extra brownie points if you buy something 'meaningful' and his favourite...

I'm actually excited for you!! Grin

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 15/03/2014 22:35

excitedmamma wow - I'm actually excited for you!!. What a kind thing to say.

Thank you one and all.

We know what he is into. He is not really little, he will be 4 soon. He is currently in a little bed and we have the next stage up bed, I will try and get the bedding and also get new for him to use once he is happy.

I think it is a real combination of things - wanting to keep the smell of stuff he is used to, wanting him to have something with our smell on it, wanting to have things for him which show we know what he likes - without wanting it to look like we are trying to bu his affection!!!

Am so very excited. Had long chat with DD today at bedtime. Explained what the little one will need, consistency! Described it like a calm ferry crossing instead of a choppy sea! I think she gets the message. She is relly trying to get her head around it all. She has been an 'only' (hate that word) for over 9 years so this will be a big thing for her. We cannot even show her a photo or tell her his name yet! Roll on panel!

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 15/03/2014 22:36

buy his affection!!!

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excitedmamma · 16/03/2014 21:53

Is not sharing this information with your DD based on advice from someone??

Surely being able to give her something 'real' would help her to understand it all... is she not feeling 'left out'?

Is there a real risk of showing her a photo and at her age, being told that if the people at the meeting on xxth of xxth say yes, he will be coming to live with us?

I've no experience of this, and I'm sure you are handling it brilliantly, but it seems a little unfair for her to be excluded at this important time.

Ignore me if I'm well of the mark!!

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 16/03/2014 22:01

Hi Excitedmama what does Is not sharing this information with your DD based on advice from someone?? mean?

She is not at all excluded, she knows all the information we can give. We cannot explain to others about his past. maybe one day she will need to know something but not yet. We have been told not to tell her his name or show her a photo. I think once we get to matching panel we can. We talk all the time about what he likes and about how to make life good for him. I am not sure what I said that made it sound as if we did not. I often mistype stuff and make lots of mistakes, so much so that someone once asked me if English was not my first language (it is!).

I am genuinely curious now so please do say!

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 16/03/2014 22:03

Aha... I see, I said "We cannot even show her a photo or tell her his name yet!"

Yes, we were told that but the other stuff like 'he likes this TV show and book and etcetc we can say and that means more to her than a name, we call him little one or little boy!

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excitedmamma · 16/03/2014 22:12

yes, sorry for the confusion... that is what I was referring to... just genuinely curious as to why you've been told not to show a photo or tell her his name...

I don't doubt for a minute you are talking to her about him etc, I just wondered if it would help her for it to become a little more 'real' and 'tangible'

Guess I'm just nosey Grin

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 16/03/2014 22:16

Until it is rubber stamped by the person in our county, which happens after the matching panel, it is not a done deal. I guess the only two genuinely identifying features are a photo and his name.

If I describe his looks or interest to anyone I could be talking about quite a lot of young children. But a photo or name really does make it real and until we are officially matched, sadly it is not a reality.

We are sticklers for the rules! If we had been told we could then we would. But imagine if we did and she went to school and told her best friend who told her mum who told her neighbour etc.The word would get out before it was official. I could not guarantee my dd woudl keep it secret so it is better for her not to have the pressure!

I let the name slip at lunch today with in-laws - i said 'littlegreyhound's room by accident but I speak so fast no one noticed! Phew!

OP posts:
excitedmamma · 16/03/2014 22:25

you've got stronger willpower than me Grin.... altho our situation was vastly different and so can't be sure I wouldn't have been the same in those circumstances

How exciting!

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