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Original poster

can you check my letter is appropriate please?

36 replies

OurMiracle1106 · 08/03/2014 09:35

It was so good to hear from you. Thank you for the hand prints. I hope you and mummy and daddy are all really well and had a really good christmas, and that you got all you wished for. I bet you enjoyed the sparkly lights on the trees. I had a good christmas too, spending it with my best friend.
I am now healed, and walking normally again, though i have a nice scar from my war wound. Lots has happened since i last saw you in July and since i met mummy and daddy in december. I now have my own place to live, its only a room but i have a lovely balcony and i have been planting pots out there, and will also be waiting for the green sprouts of new life to spring up in the next weeks and months, and buying a nice table and chairs to enjoy the summer out there.
I bet your talking is coming along so much now. I also hear that you are still full of energy, but that hasnt changed then has it? You always did love being on your feet and running around. I would love to see some of your paintings that it sounds like you love doing at nursery and see a picture of you. I bet your growing quick and getting tall, how tall are you now?
I bet you love your tractor you got for christmas and your train set. You used to always love watching tractor tom with me and bob the builder, though i guess you have changed which tv programmes you watch. So what do you like to watch of a morning now?
Your mummy and daddy say they are going to take you for a riding lesson very soon! I used to ride when i was a kid, and you have been on a horse once before for a walk abouts and loved it so i dont doubt you will have soo much fun learning to ride! My mum and dad both used to ride as well!
I am doing well, getting myself better, keeping busy. The weather is lovely today as i write this, the sun is shining through my window. I done you some pictures of me at christmas and will have another couple taken and send them with this letter to you so you can see me.
I hope mummy has a lovely mothers day and that she is spoilt rotten, you have an amazing birthday and get all you want and deserve and daddy has a great fathers day.
Look after yourself baby. I love you so much, to the stars and back.
Thank you so much for my letter.
Love always.

OP posts:
Original poster
OurMiracle1106 · 08/03/2014 09:48

I wanted to check with you guys as adopters first because I didn't want to upset them, and also I didn't want it just sent back as inappropriate.

OP posts:
FamiliesShareGerms · 08/03/2014 10:11

I wouldn't be upset to receive this letter on behalf of DD

vichill · 08/03/2014 10:35

it's beautiful. I have goosebumps from the sincere love it radiates.

LastingLight · 08/03/2014 10:57

It's a lovely letter.

Middlesexmummy · 08/03/2014 11:13

Hi , your letter gave me a heavy heart , it's beautifully written and my heart goes out to u . In our situation BM had 3 children removed (including our s) and has letter box contact however there has not been one letter from her to dd s siblings ( eldest 8) or any of the children s letters collected by her . Therefore for me to hear how much you want to be involved is so heart warmingYou sound like a lovely woman and I really hope that your contact continues well... Mm x

Original poster
OurMiracle1106 · 08/03/2014 11:43

Thank you so much. I just didn't want to go upsetting his new mum and dad, especially as its our first letter and I wanted him to know how much I love him but when he gets older and read it not to feel sad that I was missing him, and that Christmas without him is so hard and that mothers day this year without him and my mum for the first year is going to be soul destroying, I wanted to write how I miss him, how I wish I could pick him up and cuddle him like I do in my dreams, but that's not fair for him or them to read, so I didn't write it.

Contact has to be whats best for miracle, and I hope that I have kept to the things that are best for him, knowing tummy mummy is getting better, is settled, is doing okay is important and talking to him, telling him I love him and letting him know that he hasn't been forgotten cause that must break a childs heart not to hear from their parents.

I know his dad hasn't kept in touch with social services and therefore hasn't written him a letter or got one, so it will be me that will be keeping up the contact and I don't doubt at some point his bio dad will contact me and it will be all my fault he didn't Hmm but I know I will have.

OP posts:
Middlesexmummy · 08/03/2014 12:14

I think knowing how much you love him , which is so lovingly written in your letter will help him understand when he grows up and make him more secure in his own self being

MerryInthechelseahotel · 08/03/2014 13:06

It's beautiful and will help your child to feel secure and loved. It broke my heart reading it. My ds's birth mother also calls me mum when she refers to me and I think that is so kind. Totally unselfish, thinking only of the child. I hope you continue to get better and if possible you have peace in your heart Thanks

TeenAndTween · 08/03/2014 13:58

It is a lovely letter.

There are two things you might want to check with letterbox coordinator:

  1. I would love to see some of your paintings that it sounds like you love doing at nursery and see a picture of you.
    Is it OK to be asking directly for a picture (ie photograph??) given that the adopters were going to send them but for some reason failed to?

  2. Is it OK to be writing as if directly to your son? In our LA the default is that the letterbox is between the adopters and the birth family, not the child and the birth family.

Let me say again. The letter is lovely, we would accept it with no changes.

How are you signing off? That should also be discussed with the letterbox person. (eg Firstname, Mummy Firstname, or something else).

drspouse · 08/03/2014 16:09

I believe that here the letters are between parents too - not from or to the child.

It would be lovely though to hear about things our DS' birth family like doing, childhood things etc. We have this from birth mum but nothing from birth dad.

Original poster
OurMiracle1106 · 08/03/2014 16:19

I'm signing it off love (my name) and some kisses.
I have been told I am not allowed to call myself mummy but I don't see I should address myself as Mrs miracle.

I assumed contact was between me and my ds and not me and the adopters?

I can see where you are coming from he won't be able to read it til he is older.

OP posts:
TeenAndTween · 08/03/2014 17:16

In our case, we as adopters write to BM. We also encourage our DDs to write or draw a picture, but we don't force them to. (Though with younger one we prompt her when she is in a receptable mood). Replies come addressed to all of us (As in Dear XX, YY, Teen and Tween).

For your information, we always read the letters from BM first in private before then selecting a 'good time' to give them to the girls. eg we might hold them back for a couple of days if the children were particularly busy / tired / exams etc.
The letterbox coordinator should also read/check them before they are sent on. They should also copy them to hold them on file for the child when they are an adult if they ask to see their file. For this reason don't seal the envelope you put them in (similarly if you are allowed to send bday or xmas cards - these arrive in our contact letters and we put them away, but I think we are rare in accepting them).

Using your first name is an excellent way to sign off.

Again, lovely letter.

Original poster
OurMiracle1106 · 08/03/2014 17:29

I have addressed it to my ds and used their Christian names but obviously it's mainly aimed at our miracle

OP posts:
2old2beamum · 08/03/2014 17:34

FWIW I always write the letter as if it was from DS and BM always writes to him.
I think your letter is so beautiful I wish our son's letters were as lovely! I hope the adoptive parents feel the same.

Devora · 08/03/2014 18:46

I would be very happy to get a letter like that from my dd's birth parents. It's loving, respectful, acknowledges your loss but includes lots of positives.

I also thought that letterbox was between the adults, not to the child at this stage. I don't see that necessarily as a problem, but you might want to check with the letterbox co-ordinator that they're ok with you addressing the letter directly to your son.

OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing · 08/03/2014 19:54

I think your letter is lovely and I think you are very generous and kind to wish your DS's parents a happy mother's/father's day.

I woud certainly accept that letter on behalf of my child and be very pleased to have gotten it (I've always been happy to receieve letters addressed to the children though), but if there was any important/serious family news from you eg. deaths or medical information, then I would hope for a second letter addressed to me and written to me, with that information in it. My DD2's mum always used to write two letters at a time, one for me, one for DD2

However, letterbox with a younger child is usually supposed to be between the adoptive parents and the birth parents, not the child and the birth parents. So I really think you need to contact the letterbox co-ordinator/your sons social worker, and ask who the letter is for. This isn't your fault, as I reall you still haven't been given a contact agreement nor have you been given any accurate information about what's happening. It's incredibly unprofessional and frankly unnacceptable as far as I'm concerned, to leave you to figure this out for yourself. But I am worried that your sons parents are only expecting a letter for them, if they've been prepared only for this. I do hope they would also think your letter is beautiful and lovingly written with your son in mind, but I think you need to check, and if the letter is supposed to be betwen the adults, then write another letter for them. It's just that I know adoptive parents who wouldn't accept letters not written for them

Original poster
OurMiracle1106 · 08/03/2014 20:01

I have met the adoptive parents and though its written to my son mainly its for all of them. There isn't going to be any deaths within my family as I lost my mum 9 months ago, and she was all I had, and was an only child, my dad died when I was a baby and his sister passed when she was 18

I was going to take the letter with me and see if they were happy with it or whether it needed changing.

I have now got contact agreement but its not made it any clearer at all as to what I am allowed and actually seems misleading to both me and the adoptive parents, ie they say I am not permitted to post photos sent to me on any social networking site, however social services have already said they wont be giving them to me, I will only be permitted to view them. It feels like a print out of someone elses agreement tbh

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 08/03/2014 20:55

I would love to get a letter like that and would keep it very safely for DS to read when I thought it appropriate. I agree even if you are asked to write directly to adoptive parents then I would write another along very similar lines to them and include the letter for him to read later.

Whatutalkinboutwillis · 08/03/2014 22:55

I would be delighted to receive that letter on behalf of my son x

holycowwhatnow · 09/03/2014 20:33

That's a beautiful letter and made me cry to read it. I hope that dd's BM is somewhere thinking of her the way you think of your ds. It's so wonderful for him that he will grow up knowing he was loved by you and his adoptive parents.

I think you were very generous to refer to your ds's new parents as Mummy and Daddy - that must have been very painful for you. I think it will be lovely for him in the future to know little snippets of information about his birth family like your reference to riding lessons. The tone of your letter is just right - it gives the impression that you are doing well but still loving him. I think when he's reading that when he's older, it's good that he won't feel the 'burden' of your sadness - I hope I've phrased that right. What I mean is that it's clear to all of us adults that you're in pain, but he won't get that from your letter which is important because you don't want him growing up feeling 'responsible' for your immense sadness.

I hope you're allowed to send it. And if not, could you ask that it be kept on his file for when he's an adult?

Original poster
OurMiracle1106 · 11/03/2014 23:02

I am going to see the social worker tomorrow for them to check my letter I am hoping they will let me send it as it is, once I have managed to get the pictures printed to go with the letter.

I was also going to check that I can write the date on the back of the photos personally I see no reason not to

OP posts:
MerryInthechelseahotel · 11/03/2014 23:44

Good luck OurMiracle hope it goes well tomorrow Thanks

Italiangreyhound · 11/03/2014 23:54

Thinking of you our miracle.

OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing · 12/03/2014 00:03

Thinking of you Thanks

Kewcumber · 12/03/2014 09:29

Good luck Miracle