Random vent about Things Other People Say

[ColdfeetPinksocks]

I've already decided to try to not get cross when Other People say things like we're brave doing this or my children will be lucky to have us (really? lucky??) or mention their 'real mum' meaning someone other than me. I reckon that trying to edumucate most people on those things will just lead to me being snappish and that whilst they're ignorant of a lot of stuff about adoption they mean well.

But I am so, so, SO bored of hearing about how 'we won't know what's hit us'. Yes, believe it or not we did give it some thought. Quite a lot of thought actually. I'm aware that becoming a parent will alter my lifestyle. GAHHHH!!

(They don't say this to pg people do they? If they do, I'll eat my random venty hat.)

And I'm off. Yesterday at a family dinner, we decided to break the news.

DH: while we're all together, we wanted to tell you that we've decided to explore adoption. It's very early days and we don't know if we'll be approved or matched with a child who needs a home, but we wanted to let you know what we're thinking about, and that we haven't given up hope of having a sibling one day for DS.
MIL, without skipping a beat: aren't you too old?

claiming a large glass of wine

To be fair, she did go on to say nice things about any adopted child being exactly the same as DS in the family but it was the start I was expecting!

Not as awful as several comments above by a long way

Here it is -

Your MIL sounds like mine but without the bit where she recovers and says the right thing.

DH and I am very old Mojangled and they have approved us, so I am sure you will be fine!

Tru dat, Kristina - I tend to forget that my dd might not be considered by everybody else the absolutely first choice child in all the world

Seriously, though, I think things are changing, though it's patchy. It certainly used to be the case that lesbian and gay adopters could only adopt older, disabled children - 'second class children for second class parents' . I have now come across a number of gay adopters with very young children. My own experience was that my agency couldn't have been more encouraging, but we were definitely passed over for a number of children because of our sexuality.

MoJangled - I am as old as Gandhi (or at least as old as Italian) so you're in good company.

Well that could only be because they have not met her and discovered how wonderful, clever And funny she is

Slugged back in one. Just warming the corkscrew ready for your MIL's efforts Namechanges

Am finding the idea of anyone perceiving a child who has had a rough start in life as a second class child immeasurably sad... Although I know that does happen...

Both very sad really - second class child and second class parents .

Let's not prejudge MIL; although this is the woman who bought us some talcum powder when I was in a maternity ward after an EMCS and presented it to me with the receipt

I cant stand Angelina and Brad but the one thing i DO admire about them is that they say they love ALL their children the same.

makes no bloody diff where they were grown, they are loved, they are people, and deserve good loving parents as every other child.

ive just started a thread on this site for my friend, shes an adopter, and shes just as real a mum as I am with my child, ffs.

Had a gynae appointment and was asked how many children, I replied 2 children 1 adopted. (as records needed to state how many pg)

During the procedure the nurse asked me how old they were, after I told her their ages, she asked "and which one is yours", I said "erm BOTH of them" she looked a bit puzzled before asking " oh I mean which one did you adopt", I said the 7 year old. "Wow you were brave adopting a 7 year old" I said not really as she has been with us since she was a baby. Her stupidity took the attention away from the discomfort I was in.

We've been really lucky so far. A week to go to panel and still nobody has said anything negative to either of us. Nobody has said anything about how ancient we are (though it sounds like we're in good company here), or the fact that we already have too many birth children (we do, but they're all grown up). Maybe they're just not brave stupid anough to say it to our faces

The children that I teach (8 and 9 year olds) recently 'discovered' that my dd was adopted from Russia - I thought everyone in the school knew but apparently not. Anyway one of my children, the brightest in the class, asked me 'Was she very expensive?' I was gobsmacked and very cross with her. I just answered 'Children can't be bought so take that back to whoever filled your head with that horrible thought' but it shook me to hear that. Other children said 'I didn't know she was from Russia cos she sounds irish' which made me chuckle.

Well, this might have started out as a rant, but it's been incredibly useful to me! I'm just gobsmacked at some of the things people have said to you and your kids!

Just as a bit of background, my brother and sil have recently been approved to adopt siblings and are at the matching stage. She and I are very close, having supported each other through years of fertility issues - in her case PCOS and infertility, in mine recurrent miscarriages. Suddenly we find ourselves on the cusp of a very exciting new period in our lives - I have finally got a healthy pregnancy and am due to have my first next March and we're really hoping that they will be matched soon and we'll be able to get used to being new mums together. Being forewarned of the sort of thing they may well get from friends, strangers and even family can only help us support them and the kids when they arrive.

Other children said 'I didn't know she was from Russia cos she sounds irish' which made me chuckle.

I can beat that - my mums friends who is most definitely an adult said to my mum when DS was about 5 or 6 "Can he understand English?"!

She knew full well he had been adopted aged 1 and had met him when we first got back. I can only think she has some very peculiar ideas of how speech develops!

Kew, we've had several people say stupid things about her language, people are so incredibly thick.

Yeah, I've had that: "doesn't he speak good English." "Yeah, well he's lived with us since he was 1 day old"

I'm going to resurrect this

Questionnable forum etiquette, but ...grrrrr...

One of my pet hates of comments!!!

Ah yes, that one's always lovely for our kids to overhear.

Children at my dd's school have started asking if she's an orphan ...

It looks like that comment was deleted, now I want to know what it said!

Not sure if I'm allowed to say what it said...so I PM'ed you just in case drspouse!

I don't know that that's resurrecting this thread. I have high hopes for this thread as I go through the process. I think we should always have a 'Random venting what other people say' thread

Well, there's always be a need for this thread, that's for sure!!!

Could you imagine a world where no one ever made strange/rude/questionnable/ignorant/naive/plain silly comments??

Now I want to know too Lilka... life intervened and I couldn;t check it out before it was deleted.

I think you can post a comment you have overheard somewhere anonymous... maybe a supermarket or in the school playground.. not necessarily read on a internet forum, no siree...

Yes. I "overheard" a daft woman say she would give her child up for adoption if they acted like a spoilt brat. Very insensitive.

I did too Moomoomie

my ears are very good at picking up sound, of course they have to be with children in the house but nevertheless my ears are particularly finely tuned

I definitely overheard a woman saying that if her 'kids ended up like that, they'd be put up for adoption'