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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Newbies

999 replies

Italiangreyhound · 12/09/2012 01:36

Hi I am a newbie and only just started this journey, officially made the call last week.

Just interested how may other newbies are out there who are still in the early stages. I keep coming across people and recognising names. Anyone want to let on what stage they are at?

OP posts:
CloserThanYesterday · 20/03/2014 22:59

Just checking in to say congratulations to prumarth and good luck to everyone with panel dates coming up soon! I haven't checked this thread for a little while and it's all going on! Great stuff :-)

soontobeethree · 22/03/2014 08:24

This is possibly the shallowest post in the world but we meet lo's foster mom in two weeks time and then 4weeks after that we have child specific panel. what do I wear?for approval panel we were suited and booted. I'm imagining I same for second panel? but more casual for foster?
honestly I'm not this shallow it's just something to do!
(inthebeginning with a new name)

KristinaM · 22/03/2014 08:50

Business casual for panel

Casual to meet foster carer

Best to look boring, no " statements " of any type

Polkadotpatty · 22/03/2014 09:36

Oo, lots of upcoming panels for people: exciting! Heaps of calm feelings and lovely experiences wished for you all.

Anyone got any tips on, er, keeping calm? I have 6 more weeks to wait for a (deferred from Jan) court hearing, which is this time expected to approve a LO for adoption. I was tentatively linked to them, then things got complicated, but I decided to wait because all SW's (and me) were so sure it would be a good match. The waiting gets harder every day - I thought it might get easier as the day got closer, but apparently not! Sigh.

I am more of a large bar of Dairy Milk girl, than a hearty walk with two hours of yoga type, so please keep all suggestions within the realm of possibility Smile

Choccyjules · 22/03/2014 10:28

Patty
Thanks for your bit on the other thread about emphasising the positive and creating a story full of 'yes's, I love that! Will be squirrelling the idea away for the future Smile
Three weeks away from Panel I have NO idea how to help you stay calm Wink but I hope the time whizzes past and you get your result!
(Chocolate is definitely the way to go in my world too)

Polkadotpatty · 22/03/2014 10:44

Thanks Choccy! Surely there must be an opportunity here for panels or prep groups or something to be sponsored by Cadburys?! After all our patience, I feel goody bags are in order Grin

CloserThanYesterday · 22/03/2014 17:59

Whoopity whoop whoop whoop! Have heard today that we're allowed to move on to stage 2 ... ahead of the allotted 2 month timescale and everything [amazed face]

It was stage 1 checks (finances, medicals) which were concerning us, so I'm daring to hope now that our dream might become reality.

choccy, patty might I suggest a bottle of wine to go with that industrial size bar of dairy milk? Will be raising a glass to all of us tonight! Wine

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 22/03/2014 18:10

CloserThanYesterday great news.

OP posts:
soontobeethree · 22/03/2014 18:22

fab news closer!
Wine and [chocolate emoticon] for fellow fretterers Grin

namechangesforthehardstuff · 22/03/2014 19:51

Has anyone been told 'panel will ask about this'? I have and it's worrying me. Can't say what it is without outing myself totally. Sad

soontobeethree · 22/03/2014 20:16

we were. we were told that they would ask about: dh's relationship with his dad (they didn't) about my anxiety (they only asked briefly) our weight (again v briefly) time I'd have off (they didn't) contraception (they......didn't! ) please try not to worry.

Polkadotpatty · 22/03/2014 20:29

Closer and soon - what a good idea. Toasting you fellow-fretterers right now Wine

Namechanges don't worry too much ("Hello Pot, this is kettle calling...") I wasn't asked any of the things I had been told to expect in Panel either. They predicted: support network (I'm single), balancing childcare with work, etc. I actually got "since your network is so strong, how will you make sure you get time alone with your child?!" And weirdly they also asked what child I imagined in my head (struggled to suppress sarcasm), and then something else about the training and general approval process.
Yes panel is nerve-wracking, but they were all really kind and patient while I floundered about Smile

namechangesforthehardstuff · 22/03/2014 21:46

Thanks. Smile I think it's just that it feels like she's saying 'this is the thing that could sink you're and it's SO stupid. Angry I do feel reassured hearing yours - if anyone else has stuff they've been told about - whether it came up or not - please do share.

Happiestinwellybobs · 23/03/2014 19:17

We were told they would ask about our dog. He is a proper pampered pooch, but a huge hound. We told them what we has told SW - we had already researched into pros and cons of children and dogs living together, and had a back-up plan in case there was a problem (even though we were confident there wouldn't be).

prumarth · 23/03/2014 20:00

We were told we would be asked about our support network (didn't), our jobs (nope) and where we see ourselves in the future (this was asked). Other questions were about how we found the process and our relationship with our nieces and nephews. I stammered though my answers and actually forgot my nieces name, while my husband acted like he goes to panel every day and was Mr confidence!

Thanks for the congrats, Closer!

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 23/03/2014 20:11

I was worried about my weight (am not a slim wippet) they did not ask, I was worried as we are Christians (would there be any issues) they only asked briefly, our dd (they did, quite a bit). Nothing weird except one left-side health question about something really minor.

Keep your wits about you.

OP posts:
Mrmenmug · 23/03/2014 20:26

Just a comment that I remembered our (wonderful) SW making, before our approval panel.
"If you weren't going to make it through panel and we thought there were any issues, we wouldn't be putting you forward"
There is a lot of organisation goes into arranging the time of the individuals present at panel. Your SW isn't going to risk submitting you unless they are 100% sure it will go smoothly. This knowledge was a major comfort to me in the run up to panel.

rosetintedglasses · 23/03/2014 22:13

Closer fab news! My Stage 1 ends this week but still waiting for DBS

The chocolate sponsorship is a genius idea. In desperate need of some Fruit and Nut to calm my nerves as I wait....

soontobeethree · 23/03/2014 22:37

we've had the cotbed delivered! setting it up tomorrow. Is that tempting fate? Go to specific panel in 6weeks so need it for the family book for him.
maybe I should change my name again to "FretsWafflesAndWitters" Grin

namechangesforthehardstuff · 23/03/2014 22:38

Thanks everyone. Have some cake.

I do believe I gave inthebeginning the 'if they weren't confident you'd get approved, you wouldn't be there' advice myself but it turns out it's easier to give advice than to take it. Who knew? Grin

Meita · 23/03/2014 23:11

Name changes, our SW flagged up one issue in a way that implies that though she is fine with it (even positively approves), and her manager is fine with it, there is a possibility that panel disagrees fundamentally. As in, sees it as a reason to reject us. Not just defer until clarified or such, but properly reject. It's a kind of thing that raises political / moral emotions, and could hence go either way. We've done a lot of talking about how it should be framed, in the PAR as well as WHEN (not if) it gets raised at panel. Tbh I'm very nervous about it! ... Where's that chocolate now...

soontobeethree · 23/03/2014 23:16

You did indeed tell me that namechange ! To know someone else believes in you is a big thing Grin

tinkerbellpixie · 24/03/2014 12:32

I am back on my journey, am currently waiting for SW to get back to me with a day to check id for DBS.
Workbook is slow going, have filled most in with pencil but struggling with family trees and ecomaps so will call SW on Wednesday. But the weight loss is good Dp is now 163.3kg and I am 16 stone so the sheer determination is there x

Choccyjules · 24/03/2014 17:38

Yay tinkerbellpixie wish I had half your commitment, really need to shift another two stone!

SW rang early today and asked to pop in. She popped, we chatted, all innocuous stuff but I thought we'd done until Panel so it was a bit strange! She clearly likes to be very thorough as she said she may well come back once more if anything else occurs to her.

Really wish matching was over and done with, are barely starting to be shown profiles and already want to know who our child is! eatsnochocolatehahaandtriestobezen I think it's so hard relying on the SWs to show you the right profile, am constantly fretting there's a perfect one they've somehow overlooked us for!

tinkerbellpixie · 29/03/2014 19:39

Having wobbling moments, we are moving out of county from our local LA but not too far 40 miles at most, plus we're moving in with mikes dad.
We have realised that our GP's scales were very innacurate and made mike lighter than he actually was but it still went against us as our Social worker had preconceived ideas about us and our weight (had us pegged as unfit lazy couch potatoes) nothing could have been further from truth.