Newbies

[Italiangreyhound]

Hi I am a newbie and only just started this journey, officially made the call last week.

Just interested how may other newbies are out there who are still in the early stages. I keep coming across people and recognising names. Anyone want to let on what stage they are at?

[PootlewasthebestFlump]

I'm not NW, no.

We can wait and maybe start our prep first. Reading etc. it'll happen when it's right.

[64x32x24]

Pootle, Just to add that we talked to various LAs from one consortium and got very differing answers. Then we talked to various LAs from a second consortium and again, the answers from one LA to the next were not the same. Have you been told that it's all of them? May be worth giving them a ring. Unless of course you are perfectly happy to wait (I applaud your patience!)

[PootlewasthebestFlump]

I might call a few. I'm thinking about going further afield to a neighbouring county due to my job anyway - I'm in contact with members of the public who are supported by health and social care teams so I'm not sure if it's a good idea as potentially I could 'bump into' a birth parent (unlikely but very feasible).

[PootlewasthebestFlump]

Hyperventilating. Have an initial appointment with an independent agency next week! They are really keen!!!

[Karbea]

Hello,

Dh and I have been re-talking about adoption, he is very anti going back to our LA. I'm really unsure about going to an independent agency, the reason I picked an la initially was I was under the impression they'd 'prioritise us' I guess I still feel this... Tell me I'm being stupid!
I've had a lady from pact email me, as I downloaded an info sheet, so I'm so tempted to make contact with her...

[PootlewasthebestFlump]

Why not? Pact are very good from what I hear so give it a try!

[prumarth]

Fab news, pootle, let us know how you get on.

[PootlewasthebestFlump]

I will do! Very nervous now!

[excitedmtb]

Hey all, been reading through lots of posts this morning and decided to get myself signed up. We have been approved and matched and now just buying beds and furniture and all sorts. Also getting our little book of photo's ready...far too excited. My head is full of the fun days out (and in) that we will have. But I know we will also have our challenges and we are ready for that.....we think lol.
Can't wait!!!

P.S. seen lots of comments with 'ds', 'dc', 'dh' etc when referring to others....what do these mean? assuming c might be child and h husband....but what is the d for? (i will probably feel stupid when someone explains this....)

[BetterLatteThanNever]

Above the thread title, there's an Acronyms link that has everything you can imagine ever wanting to shorten . The three you mention are dear child/son/husband.
Congrats on the matching!! Wonderful news - have fun shopping and sleeping before it all happens!

[PootlewasthebestFlump]

Congratulations! You are nearing the end of the journey, how exciting!

I'm only at the beginning but still looking at beds and furniture....!!!!

[MrsM2509]

I'm the same as you pootle, approval panels not till July yet I cant stop looking at furniture and have painted and papered the spare room,and put new carpet down already

[PootlewasthebestFlump]

Oh but it's almost July...so that sounds perfectly reasonable to me!

We've decorated the spare room plain colours anyway but I'm planning the new curtains and light fittings. And rugs. And child-sized wardrobes.

Still panicking about the cabin bed/high rise sleeper and age suitability.

If a child is in a high sleeper, what happens when they are poorly and need to vom? And don't they ever fall out?

Not sure I'm cut out for parenting. Is there some kind of handbook that addresses day to day concerns?

[MrsM2509]

Lol pootle you sound exactly like me!! Were also leaving all soft furnishings curtains etc till were approved and matched. But I have an idea of furniture etc. Had my heart set on some sort of cabin bed, not a high one, probably mid but my friends who have kids all say their aimed at age 6+

[PootlewasthebestFlump]

Well that's cleared up my bed dilemma anyway!

My sister has a Highriser and her child is only 3 but it scares me to death!

May have bought a paddling pool for 99p. For the dogs, obviously...

[namechangesforthehardstuff]

Pootle there was an AIBU thread about vomitting a while back where people with four and five Dcs were queuing up to confess that they'd never sorted out how to deal with a vomit/bed scenario for the best.

It is truly nigh on impossible to juggle a crying child covered in vomit and needing a cuddle, a bed full of vomit which needs to be changed and your own innate human desire to be vomit free...

[PootlewasthebestFlump]

Lol well I feel comforted by that at least!

I am phobic so my husband will be doing that...

[Catlover2014]

Hi all,

I'm thinking of adoption. I had a long term (7 yr) relationship which ended when I was 24, 10 years ago. We did live together for two years but I can't say it was a serious relationship, no children together or anything like that.

He isn't a very nice person and I know he hates me for getting out and leaving him. Would the LA insist on speaking to him? Do I even need to mention something so far in the past and insignificant in my life?

X

[64x32x24]

Catlover I had a 5y relationship which ended when I was 24, and we had lived together for a while too (though in shared student accommodation). They did want to know how it had ended and why, but they didn't want to talk to him. That said, this is obviously no guarantee that it would be the same for you.

Yes I'd say you do need to mention it, if it really was/is insignificant, that will come across when you talk about it. On the other hand if you make it a big secret, it may just appear more significant than it is, IYSWIM?
They'll want to talk about LOTS of things, from way further in the past than 10 years, and quite a few of those things will feel insignificant to you. However it is up to them to decide if it's significant or not!

If they do want to talk to him, be assured that they know that exes can harbour bad feelings and they will not take his words for the absolute truth!

[Catlover2014]

Ok thanks for letting me know! Glad they didn't ask to speak to your ex!!

I'm a pretty honest person and I would rather be open. I just hate the idea of him knowing my business and I know he would do his upmost to spoil it for me.

Ah well! Xxx

[Ethiad]

I've been lurking here for a very long time. Finally plucked up the courage to apply to adopt, and am now a week into Stage One. Just wanted to introduce myself and say thanks for all the info/support I have picked up so far. I am a single potential adopter and am absolutely terrified and excited at the same time, which I had no idea was even possible!!

But anyway, hi everyone

[RhinosAreFatUnicorns]

Hi Ethiad and welcome :)

[SmokyHeart]

Welcome Ethiad!

[PootlewasthebestFlump]

Had our initial meeting a week or so back and just waiting for their preliminary report (presumably to say whether we are worth pursuing as potential adopters).

Feeling wibbly about the whole thing. I mean, are we up to the job???

They also recommended volunteering. I'm not keen as I have many demands on my time and a very tough job (which will change if I become a sahp in the future). I'd hate to volunteer for 6 months or so then say , right, I don't need to any more, bye bye. Feels wrong really.

[Italiangreyhound]

Welcome Ethiad.

PootlewasthebestFlump once your child is placed you will almost certainly have to give up the voluntary work and any school/club/Brownie or Scout troop will understand that.

I suggest you just be honest about what you can give and what you hope to gain and why - and for roughly how long. Voluntary is just that, it is not a paid job they do not expect a never ending commitment. Try and find something in the age range you hope to adopt and try and fit it in around work. Remember if you work in a city there will be things possibly local to work which could fit into your lunch break and once on adoption leave you would not be able to do these anyway. Good luck.