hormones, anxiety and academic work

[Disacappointment]

i used to be super confident in my work, academic and practical knowledge and would rarely shy away from big opportunities (e.g. broadcast).

i m a prof in a RG uni, i have a lot of PGR students, a lot of funding, am invited to loads of collaborations, yet the confidence has melted away.

There has not been any particular event, and i can t really entirely blame covid, although it s been a lonely time.

I just dread work, and I doubt everything i do, from big decisions on big projects, to very basic things like not replying-all in emails.

The constant second guessing myself is exhausting.

i m not sure i ll be able to stick at it if things don t improve. I have a feeling it's hormonal (for plenty of reasons and symptoms) but my GP is only interested in pushing ADs (i ve never found to right one that made me feel better).

is this common for "ageing" female academics?
i m not that old - 44

Ha @Mumteedum It came up very near the top of the academic common room thread for me - must have been a hint from the universe/algorithm.

I'm really pleased to hear that you're doing better and feeling liberated from caring about others' opinions. Prior to my current (presumably hormonal) turmoil, I would have said that I wasn't particularly bothered about what people thought of me. Now it's all I can think about!!! Maybe the progesterone in the Mirena could somehow be contributing to it? I also have low thyroid, though it's been treated for about 13 years now.

It's really hard to deal with, anyway, so it's great to hear positive stories from a few years down the line. Glad you're doing well!

I'm less well with other health issues but I don't know...I think I feel calmer than a few years ago. I've gained perspective from bereavement and other illness...I felt quite flat for a while but I think I've moved past that. I'm feeling quite Teflon/zen in some ways. Don't think the big boss knows how to cope with it but I just give zero fucks.... People kind of freak out a bit when you get to this stage 😂

Doing my job well and having integrity while not caring what others think is quite a good place to be mentally. Ambitious/insecure/self centered types don't like it ...which is also amusing.