Something bothering me that I can't discuss with anyone irl *MNHQ CW for mention of suicide*

You don’t do anything with it, it’s none of your business. Perhaps you could just make sure to be cautious of the language you use around him to make sure you aren’t accidentally careless - eg “oh that’s killed me” for something funny etc.

It’s not your business at all. I’m sure his wife knows and those close to him , and his GP , and hopefully a mental health service.
They are an adequate and appropriate support network for him. Not your responsibility

Can you advise any of his bosses on the QT?

So he told you himself about his suicide attempts? If so, I would encourage him to speak to the Samaritans.....you can email or call them for free 24/7. I'd also encourage him to tell a family member or his GP. You can't "do" anything with the information but the important thing is that if he's told someone, that is encouraging. Talking about suicide doesn't make someone more likely to try to take their own life and it can be the first step in that person getting help. You could suggest he notes down the important things he wants to say if he were to talk to a professional about it.

Language around suicide has changed a lot and there are some terms that professionally people are careful not to use. E.g. not saying someone "committed suicide" because they haven't committed a crime and not saying a suicide attempt was "successful" or "unsuccessful" as you don't want to add any element of success to the conversation. We tend to say things like "died by suicide" or "took their own life" or "took suicide actions" instead.

Do what though?

you can’t actually stop someone taking their own life if they’re determined to do so.

depending on your relationship you could be a neutral listening ear.

but truly supporting someone with suicidal feelings isn’t about taking them out of it.

i was a Samaritan and the 101 of the training is that your role is to sit with them where they are, with no judgment or agenda.

doing that from your heart can be very powerful, but it’s about supporting and accepting where they are, not ‘saving’ them.

It must be hard not to be able to discuss this with anyone. It is a hard thing to know about someone.

Depending on how much contact you have with him in your working life, I would just do my best to treat him with kindness and consideration, which I’m sure you would do/are doing. If there is the opportunity, you could remind him there are professionals and helplines who will support him and people in his life who would want to support him too in any way they could.

Is there anyone who doesn’t know this man, who you can talk to about it, as it sounds to be weighing heavily on your shoulders, which is understandable.

I don't want to minimise here, but are you sure he wasn't hitting on you when he told you?

He’s an adult with full capacity. You are not responsible for his actions.
Has he told only you? Did he disclose any treatment from these attempts? If he has that indicates that there are others involved in his care, whether he chooses to engage with them is his decision and out of your control.

And I agree with cloudbursting, you truly can’t save someone who is intent on ending their life. But he told you, which is really good as he has felt safe enough to disclose something so big.

Don't do this, it would be a terrible betrayal of trust.

OP, there is literally nothing you can do stop someone from attempting to take their own life if they are set on doing so. Hopefully, this man was just confiding in you about his past and is in a much healthier place now. If, sadly, he isn’t beyond those urges then all you can do is be a listening ear, if you are comfortable with it, or advise him to talk to a professional.

Is it though? I mean, are you very close to this person?

A very close family member has been suicidal a number of times this year, and what else do you do but get on with life?

I find it a bit weird that you'd post about struggling with the burden that someone you sort of know through work has mental health issues tbh. It's not your burden, it's his.

I was recently in a similar position - my male friend was cutting himself, about to resign a new job before he'd started (ie chuck his career away), as something had triggered him and created a storm of immense stress. He was weirdly calm on the phone but increasingly anxious in texts, saying he was terrified he'd lose his son through his actions etc. I was the only person he told. I strongly advised him to get a counsellor, which he did and has had them for four months. Much improved and I spoke to him today and was so relieved he was cheerful. It's a huge weight to take on so please encourage your colleague to get professional help

OP,

Can you elaborate on how/why/what he told you, without going in to too much detail?

It's a massive thing to put on you. I can completely see why you might feel weighed down with responsibility. It's not something I would want to know if I wasn't 'allowed' to do anything with the knowledge.

https://www.themartingallierproject.org/

This is a suicide intervention charity. It is based on the Wirral but could offer some phone support or point you in the right direction of more local support if you are not in the North west.
They can offer support to your friend, and to you as well.

Does his wife know?
If so, then yes, you have the burden of how to deal with the knowledge yourself. You sound like an empathic and caring person, so naturally it is upsetting to hear that someone you know is in such emotional pain.

In your shoes, I would probably have another conversation with him...
"Hey Bob, you know what we were talking about last week, I just wanted to check with you, are you recieving any support with it? Because it worried me to hear that you feel that way and if you need help finding support I'd be happy to help with numbers for x y z"

Some people do have persistent suicidal thoughts, and it's really tough.

I (inadvertantly) pulled a total hottie 25 years younger than me a couple of years ago. These things do happen. But as pp have said, ultimately you are not responsible for him in any way. It's really off that he even told you tbh.

I would email the Samaritans regarding your feelings around this knowledge. That way you can really share without betraying his trust.

Reality is, it's not on you to change his direction, and you couldn't if you tried. So share your feelings so they don't overwhelm you.

Perhaps I'm a cynic but I've served my time behind the bar and heard manys a sob story from manys a troubled and self-destructive man. After a while you get wise to it. I would be sceptical of his motivation in sharing this information with you and wary of getting drawn into someone else's drama. He is married and ultimately it is his wife he should be confiding in and seeking support from. He has succeeded in hooking you in and you are clearly very impressed with his persona. But he has also given you a clear insight that this persona (the parts of him you find attractive) is performative and inauthentic. I would worry that he is consciously or unconsciously being highly manipulative, I would resent him taking the opportunity to live rent free in my head as he is currently doing in yours. And I would resist feeling flattered or special because he has chosen to cross a boundary in establishing emotional intimacy with me when he is blatantly not available for a romantic relationship. I would be seeking to uphold and reestablish professional boundaries by seeking to treat the information with neutral acceptance (he is a person - like many others - suffering from depression and mental health issues, no big deal) rather than stepping into the role of Jane Eyre saviour (how can I help this troubled brilliant man).

I’m amazed at the responses.
It’s not a confidence I’d keep.
I’d contact HR at his work or his GP.

I assume he told you these things in the semi social setting you described not for eg. in a counselling session as there are strict guidelines and protocols to follow.