Something bothering me that I can't discuss with anyone irl *MNHQ CW for mention of suicide*

Remind yourself he has not told you so that you can take responsibility. He told you to unburden himself. You are not responsible for stopping him from future attempts. But the fact he told you is hugely encouraging - it means he is able to reach out and willing to do so, which is really helpful and protective. Maybe look for some support through your EAP for yourself - this is a huge thing to know and be sitting with if you are not used to it.

That’s some comfort. I really feel for you. I’ve heard several ideations and at least have professional support.
GPs will listen to if not engage with you.

I think you have to do what you feel most comfortable with IF he should carry out the suicide. You have to be able to live with yourself and your conscience which is a terrible burden on you.

Brilliant.

He could be deriving ego gratification from precisely that power imbalance and your perception of it. Some people who are highly successful are so because they are good at playing games. I think he's a walking red flag tbh

That is such a difficult situation to be in and I would feel the same as would be worrying about them and if they did something. Do you get to talk to him a lot and if so maybe in a kind gentle way offer him some advice and see if he talks to someone, a psychologist or something or maybe send him something with information about people who can help with a nice card. I would feel awful if I did not try to help and if he did something to himself. Strangely most of the top stand up comics or actors who do comedy suffer most with depression. I am not really sure what you can do but you seem to be a caring person and I hope he has support in his life to help him through these dark times. Some people have no empathy for others' at all and just think of themselves.

when You’re feeling suicidal , your thoughts consume you. You can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everything is magnified and becomes too much to bear.

Tell him suicide is a permanent solution to passing problems - even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

My doctor told me even vitamin deficiencies and hormonal imbalance can cause very low mood and even certain medication can cause suicidal thoughts . Telling him to speak to his doctor is a good shout. It’s good he spoke about it - he’s reaching out for help. because when you internalise - that voice gets louder bigger and stronger . The more he speaks about it to the right people, the better it will be for him and he will recover. He needs to make changes and with the right advice and guidance - it can happen

I say it again - suicide is a permanent solution to problems that will pass - even if it doesn’t feel like it right now . Nothing on this earth is worth more than your life

Do you have any idea why he decided to share this with you?

Op I really feel for you - it’s a huge thing to bear. There’s a reason that suicide helpline volunteers have quite a lot of training and access to counselling themselves. They’re also taught to only listen and reflect what the person is saying back to them so they feel heard - and not to give advice or to try and convince the client not to go through with it. I think the thing to focus on is what others have said - no-one can stop another person from taking their life if they want to. They really really can’t. Anything you say that’s rational dimly won’t be heard, even if the person appears to be listening, because they’re not rational in that moment.

Also just because he is successful he is also human but as another person has said he has his wife and family and he should have supports in place to help him through these dark times. Would hate to be in the spotlight as he is and we never really know what goes on in someone's life behind closed doors. All may not be as perfect as it seems and it seems strange that he unloaded onto you but if he is having some difficulties he may not have boundaries and is feeling vulnerable but you cannot solve things for him.

Simply won’t be heard

4andnotcounting, very good post you just wrote and so true.

I agree with @Smineusername . I feel it's inappropriate of him to share this with you OP and unprofessional. I'd also be suspicious of his motives. Someone who thinks he's amazing and not in his league is just the sort of person some men would go for. To word it another way, they go for people they think will be grateful for the attention. I'd do two things. To let go of the responsibility you're feeling, I'd contact police and ask them to carry out a welfare check. Not because I necessarily thought there was any danger, but just in case he needed help and what he told you was genuinely out of desperation it would be a way of him starting a conversation with police or his family about that. Also because it teaches him he can't just drop that shit on someone and not expect something to happen. So if he's being manipulative and doesn't want police showing up at his home, he'll ensure he doesn't "confide" in you again. The other thing I'd do is distance myself from him as much as possible to hopefully prevent being put in that situation again. If he approached me about it I'd not appear overly concerned or fuss over him (or apologize if he's cross) and just say I thought it was the right thing to do but I'd appreciate it if he didn't confide his health worries to me again as it felt inappropriate. He's not a friend he's a work colleague, they're rarely the same thing.

I don't think police will do a welfare check on someone who isn't actively suicidal, gone missing etc.

It can be a relief for someone to share these kinds of feelings. Perhaps by listening and not making suggestions you helped him a bit.

None of us is responsible for other adults unless we have professional duty of care. He has agency to seek out counselling or support from mental health charities. If he does not do so that's his decision to take. Even if you were his wife or doctor you could not influence him to get mental health support.

Maybe he tried to share his burden with you, but you cannot take it off him. Only he can seek relief and support.

Everyone saying it’s not your business or he’s an adult have completely missed your point. It’s an emotional burden on you. I’m sorry reaching out to share it on here hasn’t worked so well! Is there someone else you can tell about it?

Why did he tell you? How did it come up?

If you feel responsible because you feel it is a secret only you and a few people know, and now you’ll have to keep checking on his welfare and mental state, I can see why this is a big burden (and would also wonder at his motives in telling you, tbh.)

If he’s told you because he’s actually quite open about it personally with people - if not professionally- then you don’t carry that responsibility because it’s not a secret. So perhaps you’re just struggling with the mismatch between your perception of success and happiness/state of mind.

I wouldn't really care about that, if telling them meant I wasn't carrying around the weight of the responsibility. If he did do it I wouldn't be thinking "what if" and feeling guilty.

I agree with some of the previous posters: this isn’t a situation where you should assume responsibility. Sometimes people with mental health issues over-share. You don’t need to do anything with this information. He’s in a position to be able to access all kinds of support, and it’s up to him and his family/doctor/employer to ensure he does that.

So many people have struggles that remain unseen by others. For every sad story spoken on MN there are a million that are untold. I try to acknowledge and celebrate the good that people do in the face of their suffering. So perhaps focus on the meaning he brings to life, while also having compassion for his pain. 🙏

He talked to you about his mental health struggles, it’s good that he’s able to be open. Everyone is always banging on about how people must talk about their mental health but when you see some of the replies on this thread, it’s no surprise many people are afraid to.
OP, well done you for being the kind of person he could open up to. You already did your part listening to him that day so you don’t need to shoulder any burden. You bear no responsibility for his health or his future actions.
If he told you in confidence, I believe it’s not for you to betray that confidence. He is an adult and it’s up to him who he tells.
I volunteer for a suicide help line and I wish more people could talk to people irl about their struggles.

Hi op. This sounds like an emotional and stressful situation for you. The Samaritans website has helpful information about supporting people with suicidal thoughts on this link https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/supporting-someone-suicidal-thoughts/

The last section is about the impact on yourself and suggests that you could ring them to talk this through.

I don’t fully agree with those saying that you can’t prevent suicide. Maybe in some situations you can’t in the long run as but there are immediate things that can be done to get someone to open up and consider alternatives options.

That’s not to say that the weight of responsibility is yours alone just that it’s possible for seemingly small actions and interactions to make a positive difference.

You are doing great, I hope the weight of responsibility is lifted soon.

It's got nothing to do with you @Nowitstarts Why on earth are you so heavily invested in this man's life?