I've got a food addiction and I'm going to end up damaging myself.

That sounds so tough.
Psychological associations and habits laid down from a young age and followed for years are not going to be simple to change I'm sure.
I haven't experienced this exact situation, but even small habits can be tricky to break never mind when it is tangled up with all those traumatic difficulties.
I can only imagine a therapist with knowledge of this issue is what you need to really gain ground on your goal of not having this shape your life (or you literally!)... Is there any way you can afford or access such help?

I’ve read that ozempic is easing addiction in many people who take it - might be worth going to talk to your gp about it?

Or finding a counsellor?
I’ve heard good reviews of Noom as well, I think that tackles the psychological aspect of overeating.

This is the awful thing about food addiction. You still have to eat.
I really feel for you, hope you find something that works for you 💐

No advice but just to say you’re not alone. I am also addicted to food and taking it one day at a time with talking therapy and sticking to an approximate calorie deficit with 10,000 steps a day.
some days I nail it others I fail.
one of the things that helps me tremendously is exercise (walking).

you’re not alone.

I know the waiting list for therapy on the NHS is about as long as for bariatric surgery but could ask your GP to refer you anyway? I had a similar upbringing with food being used to damp down feelings and emotions. It’s a tough one to crack because you need to eat and have to have food around. I’ve just started losing weight after putting it on during lockdown but having some therapy for some of those issues has finally helped me start to deal with it.

In the meantime, how about contacting overeaters anonymous?
I wonder if that might help?

Have you tried seeing if any universities need volunteers to help their counselling students? They’re usually supervised by a trained counsellor so you’d get good care. That’s a wild stab in the dark and I don’t know if it’s a thing. Worth a try for cheap or free therapy though.

The Samaritans are excellent too. I think maybe emailing or calling them is a good idea. I think it’s free (or the emails certainly are).

I may have missed something here but it seems like you’re saying that you’ve lost 100 pounds and put on 16 pounds? This is still an 84 pound loss! I know it doesn’t change the fact that your food addiction is still at large but perhaps thinking this way will make you feel a little better. You’ve achieved a lot already even though there is still some way to go.

Final random suggestion is chia seed pudding. Two tablespoons of chia seeds, 150ml vegan milk of your choice (texture and taste is not great with cow’s milk), a squirt of your favourite sweet syrup, stir them up and cover and refrigerate for eight hours. It fills you up and clears you out. It’s high protein and high fibre as well as being a great make ahead meal. It doesn’t help the psychological aspect of your food addiction but it’s very helpful for physically curbing appetite. As long as your gastric band can handle it.

Can you try something like Noom? They’re offering a 3 month trial period at a reduced rate. They say they look at the psychological aspects of diet and around eating habits.

I need to lose weight and do have occasional days where I just want to eat the good-bad stuff. I try to avoid buying biscuits and crisps so I can’t snack on them.

I'm so sorry OP, I can only imagine how difficult this must be. I know you've said private therapy is expensive but honestly the way to fix this is to deal with the emotional problems. Weightloss injections, other diets etc will not stop it until you deal with the root cause.
If you're not able to afford a therapist, could you try speaking to your GP? I know that mental health support is minimal at best but they may be able to point you in the right direction to get support x

I had the same issue and a childhood that sounds very similar. Therapy for trauma and over eaters anonymous (OA) have been a lifesaver. I was sceptical at first about OA, but it is helping so much.

OP, make an appointment to see your GP, explain everything you've said in your post and ask them to refer you to your local NHS eating disorders service. It's likely there's a waiting list, how long depends on where you are.

Second, while you're waiting, go to https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/

It's not a good idea to see an ordinary counsellor as they're unlikely to have the specialist training needed.

Eating disorders include more than just anorexia.

I've got the exact same problem. I either starve myself or binge eat til I feel ill. I lose weight so easily but can put it back on from one weekend of binging. Today I binged, I would tell you what I ate but you'd be disgusted and wonder how someone could abuse their body like this. I wish I could offer advice but sadly I'm in the same boat as you @ShakeDatTing

Have you looked into Overeaters Anonymous OP, it’s free therapy. Addictions are tough to beat for some people.

Good luck OP. Have you tried the F800 diet plan yet? A friend has reversed her diabetes II with it, I've been thinking about doing it.

I'm 66 and have been overweight all my life, and am so bored with myself and my lack of will power. I started feeling very ill last Christmas. I managed to see a doctor and had a blood test - high cholesterol. I went onto the Mediterranean Diet and lost a stone over the six months to my next blood test. Blood test showed satisfactory cholesterol and I've been eating 'normally' again - stone has piled back on. Definitely a case of eating too much with a sedentary lifestyle, I need to either get exercising more, or eat less.

It's so tough OP, it really is. I ballooned after having my kids, and now I'm done having kids, I'm finally facing up to the realization that I just don't recognize myself anymore.

I struggle to find professional clothes for work that don't make me look like I'm wearing a circus tent; we had professional photos taken at work for our profiles, and even with hair & make-up professionals I hated how I looked; we had a team building retreat in April and the photos I'm in I look like a whale, the one's of other colleagues where I'm in the background (so not aware of the camera or posing) are just awful.

Does MN have a weightloss support section? I'm only 34 so hoping I can turn it around while I'm still relatively young, but with 3 young kids, a full time job, and living in a country with no family support, it just feels impossible.

Sorry for talking all about me, I just wanted to share that you're not alone xx

I don't think ozempic would be the answer anyway as it doesn't address the psychological issues behind overeating so most people will just regain the lost weight after they stop taking it, unfortuately.

I'm sorry I don't really know what to suggest apart from counselling. I know it's expensive but so is ozempic/saxenda unless people get it via NHS. Plus you deserve to spend the money on you, if it is at all possible.

I have similar very complex relationships with food and I think so far, @FlamingoCroquet had come closest with advice.

I’ve lost a lot of weight twice in my life (6-7 stone each time) and never reached a healthy bmi. I binge almost every day. And I have tried every diet under the sun. Most of what I eat isn’t bad for me as such, it’s often the quantities and then the ‘treats’ which add up so quickly (binge foods tend to be fatty or sugary and easy to consume). I have gone back up to 17stone and it makes me safe every day. I don’t have a solution for you but I wanted to reach and tell you you’re not alone and you can handle this.

I think you need to pull yourself up. Stop obsessing over the binging and focus your energy on doing good things for yourself. I doubt there will be an easy answer, but as you know, being overweight isn’t easy either (nor is losing weight). Good things for me have included ->buying/borrowing (check library) a number of books (regular and audio) about emotional eating, various theories about why people eat too much etc or poss even hypnotherapy books. There’s no point in recommending one to you - try a bunch and find what works for you (it won’t be the same as what works for me). Educate yourself and practice little things that work for you. Start small and keep trying.
-> stop reading about diets and magical cure in forums. I find it upsets me and are generally full of people who don’t have the complex difficulties with food I do.
-> something like overeaters anon and free trials of Noom aren’t a bad idea. Neither worked for me but they aren’t the worst either. Beat ended up not being able to provide me with any support.
-> do talk to your gp. I’ve never had a gp that was educated about my issues (I tend to know far more about diets etc than they do - it’s not been a part of their training in a significant way) but they might have access to resources like CBT courses or weight management support groups that could help
-> my next step is proper specialist therapy. I’ve found someone who will cost me £100/hour but who has the right training. I’ve been saving up for WL surgery but im going to use the money for therapy instead. It’ll be worth it. I have also reached out to my job’s resources too (employee assistance programme with mental health support) - I think they might pay for a few sessions too which will help. Do see if your work (or your partners’) had anything like that

So there isn’t an easy fix. You have to chip away at it all by various means. But I really hope you stop torturing yourself as I’m certain that’s not helping.

good luck to you. And to me. And to all!

*safe = sad. I’m sure there’s a million typos in my post tho!

Please read why we eat too much x

Get on the NHS wait list for therapy OP, even though it's depressingly long the time will pass anyway. I do think anything that suppresses appetite like this surgery, ozempic etc should be accompanied by therapy as standard as its very much just addressing the physical aspects when the vast majority of people who overeat to the extent that they affect their health and their lives have underlying emotional and MH reasons that need to be addressed for any sort of long term success. There's a reason many struggle, because it's bloody hard. Please try to be kind to yourself, I know you're disappointed in yourself etc but it just makes the cycle worse if you're cruel to yourself.

You're absolutely correct in thinking this is a psychological issue stemming from childhood. But you're wrong in saying that therapy costs a fortune. I'm running out the door (colonscopy in 90 mins!) but please DM me. I can help you.