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Original poster

Am I being daft, would you send your child to this CM?

34 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 22/04/2010 07:24

My DD (3) is in full time nursery - and I was thinking of sending her to a local CM once a week, as two of her friends that she will be going to school with go there -

Any way, have just found out tat said CM own children were abused by one of CM friends in the past (and I dont know how to feel about it) realise this is a sensitive subject so dont really want to ask CM the details (as its none of my business) but - If you found out the CM children who are under the age of 7, had been abused, and were medicated to control their behaivour, would you send your kids to that CM?

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 22/04/2010 07:26

No, absolutely not. But why are you sending her to a CM anyway if you've just lost your job?

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 22/04/2010 07:29

No. Not if they had serious behavioural problems.

It's very sad for them, and I hope they come through ok, poor little things.

But the situation is as it is, and if they behave in a way that poses a risk or hazard to your children, then you have a duty to not put them into that situation.

Rockbird · 22/04/2010 07:29

Probably not but there's a lot more to it. If they are under 7 then it wasn't that long ago. What do you mean by medicated to control behaviour? Have you spoken to the parents of your dd's friends?

StealthPolarBear · 22/04/2010 07:29

No, unfair I know but I wouldn't.
I think her focus would (rightly) be on her own DCs and she wouldn't have much energy left for childminding.

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 22/04/2010 07:31

whomovedmychocolate because it was a part time job, and Im still a student

I was told by the CM herself a few months ago, before she was a registered childminder, about her boys, over a cup of t, she and I arent really friends, but had met a few times and we met up for a drink, any hoo, shes just become a child minder and 2 of my freinds are sending their DC there, who happen to be my DD's pals too.

All I know about the abuse, is that it happened when her kids between 3 and 5 - and that now one of her children is on some form of medication to keep him controlled because of his "tendancies" - I am unsure to what extent this covers.

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 22/04/2010 07:33

oh, this child (who is 7) isnt allowed to attend school full time due to his behaivour at the moment either...

actually, the more I think about it

OP posts:
tortoiseonthehalfshell · 22/04/2010 07:34

Yeah, stay away from this one. A 7 year old who can't attend school due to his behaviour is not someone you want around your 3 year old.

Rockbird · 22/04/2010 08:45

Yes, stay away. It's unfair on her I guess but obviously your concern is your child, not hers.

thesecondcoming · 22/04/2010 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GetOrfMoiLand · 22/04/2010 09:20

No. I would avoid. Also agree with TSC - very strange thing to tell someone who is just a casual aquaintance.

It all sounds horrifically sad, but I would keep your own kids well out of it.

QuintessentialShadow · 22/04/2010 09:22

I wouldnt send my child there, and I really dont understand why you even contemplate it!

Especially as your child will be in contact with these two children anyway, as you are friends with their mums!

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 22/04/2010 09:28

I know Quintshadow - but my DD only sees these kids maybe, once a week - and I thought it would be nice if she went with them as a group to the CM - now I think that she's safer at nursery, and will work out some thing else re her spending time with people before she moves up to school.

Do you think I should have a quiet word with my friends about them sending their children to the CM?

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 22/04/2010 09:35

I wouldnt tell them outright. But it is a tricky one.

I would ask them if the CM has told them about her own two boys? If she hasnt, ask them to speak to her, as the CM had told you about an abuse situation, and ask what her policy is regards to the children having contact with others whilst in her care, that might not be CRB checked.

GetOrfMoiLand · 22/04/2010 09:37

Yes that is a tricky situation re your friends - agree with what QS has said

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 22/04/2010 09:45

I dont want to upset the CM by telling my friends - however, I dont want my friends children being / seeing things maybe they shouldnt.

I think I will just tell them that they should speak to the CM about her kids and then stay well out of it

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 22/04/2010 11:42

(GetOrf, I was shouting for you here though you never heard me. )

Clarissimo · 22/04/2010 11:49

My CM has a child with asd who causes school issues but she has been wonderful: ds3 was picked up as adhd during his time there and I am grateful I ahd such a great CM

The meds woudln't put me off nor the abuse but it would make me want to ask around and get to know ehr and how she manages it all a whole lot more before I commited

GetOrfMoiLand · 22/04/2010 11:58

Lol QS - I missed that, damn.

Never had a thread with GetOrfMoiLand in! Am thrilled (saddo).

Anyway, I answered your question on that thread (qucik answer is I don't know ).

Sorry OP for hijack.

wannaBe · 22/04/2010 12:01

So let me get this straight:

This childminder's children who were only three and five were abused, not by her, but by a family friend. The abuse was seemingly so horrific that one of the children has to take medication and is currently not in full time education.

None of this is through her own doing or the doing of the children in question.

And people think that this woman and her children should be victimized further for something that wasn't her fault? (you don't want a child like that near your child" how lovely.

Perhaps this child is taking medication because he has some sort of sn. Perhaps the child isn't in school because "his behavior" means that he's not getting the right level of support from the school (not uncommon).

Clearly the registration bodies are happy for this woman to be registered as a childminder. Having children who were abused does not make one a risk to children.

Nice to see that tolerance is alive and well...

Clarissimo · 22/04/2010 12:05

well said wannabe

QuintessentialShadow · 22/04/2010 12:14

This CM was not able to protect her own children from abuse. Will she be able to protect her mindees?

She should of course not be victimised. And neither is there a question of "i wont let my child near THAT child".

Clarissimo · 22/04/2010 12:15

Can we all guarantee we can though? Of course not, we can never be absolutely sure about anyone

and perhaps she did( protect them by calling in ssd at a first sign?

wannaBe · 22/04/2010 12:26

wow that's really harsh and implies that you think the mother is culpable.

Could we all guarantee that we could protect our children from abuse? Given that abuse occurs mostly within families or by someone who is known to the family, I'm interested to know just how you could know it was going to happen and prevent it beforehand?

Should all parents of abused children be kept away from other children then - because that is what is being implied here.

And yes people have a "keep that child away from my child" mentality here: "A 7 year old who can't attend school due to his behaviour is not someone you want around your 3 year old." says it all.

thesecondcoming · 22/04/2010 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannaBe · 22/04/2010 13:17

but she was talking about her own child.

Maybe she hasn't had much support.

Maybe if the abuser was someone close to the family the rest of the family have not believed it happened/have taken the side of the family friend.

And then she starts talking to op (we don't know how they met just that they were talking over a cup of tea, so could have been at her/op's house), maybe she felt that this was the start of a friendship, maybe the op comes across as someone she could trust. and she felt better getting it off her chest.

If she was discussing someone else's child then I would think differently, but I don't see that someone talking openly about their own life/situation is someone who is incapable of confidentiality when it comes to others.