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Original poster

Wedding dilemma..

59 replies

andlipsticktoo · 07/01/2010 13:36

Our entire family was due to go to my dh's brother's wedding on saturday which has now been postponed for 2 weeks. The date of the wedding is now on exactly the same date as a National competition that my son has made it to as part of a robot designing and making club that he belongs to.

His group won the regional finals and is now in the National final, the winner of which will go to USA for the world finals. The problem is we had agreed he could go (before the wedding date changed) and have paid his accommodation fee (only £30), and I feel it is something that he will remember for the whole of his life. He is 13 and loves design technology.

I also feel it is important he is at his Uncle's wedding.

WWYD? I am so at odds with this.

OP posts:
PhaseolusLunatus · 07/01/2010 13:54

Send him to the robots. (If that's what he wants; at 13 he'll no doubt have an opinion of his own.)

claricebean · 07/01/2010 13:55

Wow, your DS has done brilliantly. TBH I would let him go to the competition if that's what he wanted to do. It's a bit unfair to make him miss something like that when the wedding date has been changed. What does he want to do and how does your brother feel?

CMOTdibbler · 07/01/2010 13:57

I'd send him to his robots. At 13, a family wedding is going to be v boring for him anyway

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Weddings
havoc · 07/01/2010 13:59

You have to let him go to the robot thing, it is such an achievement. Anyway, he would probably have a face on at the wedding, spoiling it for you.

MrsBadger · 07/01/2010 13:59

yy robots

not his fault adverse weather changed wedding date

Original poster
andlipsticktoo · 07/01/2010 14:00

DS wants to go to the competition, and BIL would like him to be at the wedding.

I feel like it would be rude if we didn't make him come, but I am so proud of him getting this far in the competition, I would feel so mean making him miss it!

I think I'll talk to dh tonight. He thinks ds should attend the wedding...

OP posts:
EldonAve · 07/01/2010 14:01

robots

Rindercella · 07/01/2010 14:02

Let him go to the competition.

SlightlyFoxed · 07/01/2010 14:04

think your ds should go to the competition - it is a bigger deal for him than the wedding surely - even if he's close to his uncle, he is a 13 yo boy and really the robot thing is more important given how well he's done getting there. it is all very well for BIL to say he'd like your ds to be tehre - but really when you get to your actual wedding day you don't really care that much who's there and who isn't do you(bride / groom and very special people excepted)? and how much of the day will your BIL spend talking to his nephew?

why was it postponed btw (nosy)?

Rindercella · 07/01/2010 14:04

It is not your son's fault that the wedding date has changed. He must be really looking forward to the competition - it is a major achievement and something he will always remember. If he goes to the wedding, his memories of that will always be overshadowed by what he had to miss.

Original poster
andlipsticktoo · 07/01/2010 14:05

I get the feeling dh's family won't be too impressed...

OP posts:
cat64 · 07/01/2010 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
andlipsticktoo · 07/01/2010 14:08

Wedding venue is completely snowed in apparently! Many of the guests had cancelled as too dangerous for them to get there! I do feel sorry for them.

He is close to his uncle and ds was doing a speech with ds2 in the church, but that can be rearranged so that ds2 and 3 do it instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
andlipsticktoo · 07/01/2010 14:10

Apparently everything was insured. The venue is a marguee at the bride's uncle's pub, so no prob there, and the church was free on that date too.

OP posts:
Original poster
andlipsticktoo · 07/01/2010 14:11

marquee

OP posts:
theITgirl · 07/01/2010 14:13

Another vote for robots. I am assuming that he does not need a parent to accompany.

OtterInaSkoda · 07/01/2010 14:14

Surely your BIL wouldn't want to keep his nephew from his robots?

Rindercella · 07/01/2010 14:15

It must be awful for the poor couple. But one of the unfortunate outcomes of having to postpone their wedding by two weeks is that some of the original confirmed guests will no longer be able to make it because of prior commitments - your DS being one of them.

I am sure they will have a lovely time without your DS being there and your DS will have a brilliant time in the robot building national finals.

Heated · 07/01/2010 14:17

Robots, otherwise he'll be letting the team down. Weddings are pretty dull.

Is there any chance he could get to part of the wedding on the day, even just the evening bit?

KarinG · 07/01/2010 14:17

Definately send him to the competition. Your family will just have to understand that it was pre-arranged and is something important to your son, and is also a tremendous achievement. Surely he'd be really upset at missing out on the competition, not least because it would be an amazing experience for him and could mean him winning a trip to the US. A friend won a similar kind of competition when he was the same age about 20 years ago and he still talks about it now, and it has shaped his rather successful career!

LoveMyGirls · 07/01/2010 14:21

I'd let him go. I'm sure the uncle will get over his disapointment a lot quicker than your ds will.

nickelbabe · 07/01/2010 14:23

if you made him go to the wedding, he would remember that his entire life: his parents wouldn't let him go to the Robots competition because he had to attend a family wedding.

it will not make you or anyone popular.

at 13, he really won't want to be stuck at a wedding while he should be going to a national competition.

no family member should be so selfish that they would stand in the way of a talent.
imagine if your DS ended up in some boring unskilled job when he grows up/ he would always say it's because his dreams were scuppered at 13 when he couldn't go to the competition

OtterInaSkoda · 07/01/2010 14:23

What do your PILs say, lipstick? Surely they're proud of their grandson and want him to take advantage of this amazing opportunity?

WingedVictory · 07/01/2010 14:27

I vote for the robots as well, since you have promised both the wedding on a certain date and the robots on a certain date. It's a shame BIL is putting on the pressure, but often people are much more demanding on behalf of others than the "others" would be themselves.

Your son will thank you for standing up for him.

Zone2mum · 07/01/2010 14:29

I vote robots too - for the reasons already given. It would be monstrously disappointing for him, and for his team, for him to miss it. It is in any case the prior engagement. Congratulations to them for getting this far too!

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