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Original poster

if you didnt celebrate Christmas, about the FC issue?

45 replies

littleducks · 13/09/2009 08:53

after the other thread i have just started to worry about this

We dont celebrate xmas at all, we are muslim

DD is 3 and is at preschool, i think this is the first year she will really come across Santa etc.

She has seen the Charlie and Lola episode about xmas but hasnt asked about it, she has also watched harry and his dino prog and i think she views it all as the same thing

I expect preschool will do lots of xmassy things, i am not planning on saying anything unless she asks.....but if she does what should i say

My initial thought was to be honest with her, perhaps describe it as a game some mums and kids play but that we dont

But the responses on the other thread made me worry, if she tell another child that FC isnt real will the parents be furious and hate me?

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 13/09/2009 08:59

Nobody will be furious with you or hate you.

The other children will think your DD is wrong, though

oopsacoconut · 13/09/2009 09:00

Maybe you need to explain in simple language about how not everyone is Muslim and that other childern are Christians and they have Christmas like you have Eid. No need to mention the FC thing yet unless she asks then just explain it is part of some people's Christmas celebrations.

LynetteScavo · 13/09/2009 09:02

I would just explain to her that FC visits some children, but not others, and do point out that it's not becuase she's been naughty!!!

Does she get presents at another time of year when you celebrate? Sorry to be ignorant.

Original poster

littleducks · 13/09/2009 09:04

She understand that we dont do xmas

Lots of people do a 'cultural' xmas and arent christian, i think she may pick up on this

I dont mind other kids thinking she is wrong at all, just a bit concerned she may argue her point a bit (dd is always right preschool teacher asked me to tell her to call A, 'ah' as she had been correcting teachers that it was 'aay')

OP posts:

BonsoirAnna · 13/09/2009 09:04

My DSSs are Jewish and FC has always visited! Why not - it's such a lovely tradition, and it really isn't religious.

whyme2 · 13/09/2009 09:04

It is very difficult, We have never gone along with the father christmas thing and we tell our dcs that it like the tooth fairyetc, some people beleive and others don't, everybody is different and it is no reason to argue with someone because they beleive something different.

tbh it has only been an issue in the last year as dd is now 6. The younger ones accept it more readily because their world of fantasy and reality is much more blurred.

Original poster

littleducks · 13/09/2009 09:05

Im not going to lie and says he visits other children

OP posts:

whyme2 · 13/09/2009 09:07

Anna, we don't go along with it because we want to be truthful with our children as much as we can rather than the religious aspect.

BonsoirAnna · 13/09/2009 09:09

I don't understand the "truthful" issue - are you banning fiction from your children's lives?

Original poster

littleducks · 13/09/2009 09:15

I dont ban fiction, but dd knows it isnt real, in her story books animals talk she knows they dont in reality etc.

I would only lie to protect her, like saying that dying wouldnt have really hurt her grandfather when in reality it was prob quite painful

OP posts:

whyme2 · 13/09/2009 09:19

no, we don't ban fiction. But we are clear about fact and fiction. FC is fiction. along with talking animals, mermaids, fairies (unless you know something I don't). So we explain that to our dcs.

bigchris · 13/09/2009 09:21

my dad is jewish
he lives christmas

what do the rest of your family do OP? how did your parents deal with this issue with you?

bigchris · 13/09/2009 09:21

loves christmas!!

Original poster

littleducks · 13/09/2009 09:24

im a convert

OP posts:

BonsoirAnna · 13/09/2009 09:25

You do know that you are stunting your child's intellectual growth by not letting him/her believe in fiction, don't you?

oopsacoconut · 13/09/2009 09:25

I don't think you need to lie just explain that some children believe that he brings them presents and that not everyone believes this and that you and your family don't believe it. I explained it to the children I work with and they were fine with that. We also talked about how it would be unkind to tell other children that what they believed was wrong, as everyone was different. They were 3 and 4 at the time.

whyme2 · 13/09/2009 09:29

Of course they believe in fiction, that is what children do. If you spoke to any of my dcs you would realise this. The point is that myself and dh will not lie. But that doesn't mean we can't enjoy a story together.
Last week we all watched Nanny macphee together. They enjoyed, no questions asked. If they had asked if it was real then I would have been honest.

You can't stop a child believing but as an adult I feel I have a duty to be honest with my children. They trust me.

Original poster

littleducks · 13/09/2009 09:30

dd gets presents from my parents but we are very clear they are from Nana and Grandad as they are celebrating something which we dont

dd has made Eid cards this year for them but knows they doint celebrate Eid

Im not comfortable with the FC thing

I can say to dd Christians believe Jesus was born in a stable and celebrate this in the middle of winter but we as muslims believe that he was born under a date tree in the desert in Spring time but dont claim to have an exact date for it

I think SILs children are quite blunt with anyone that FC is pretend, but they are in far more mixed schools where lots of children are not celebrating and are from several different religions so i dont think they stand out, and i douybt they would make as big a deal about being RIGHT about it as dd would

OP posts:

Original poster

littleducks · 13/09/2009 09:32

oops- 'some children believe' thats a brilliant line, no lying involved at all may borrow this

OP posts:

GrapefruitMoon · 13/09/2009 09:36

So if you are a convert (and assuming your parents & siblings aren't) do your dcs not get presents from extended family at Christmas time? If they do then at least they will understand that it is a time of celebration in this country - and as many people who celebrate Christmas are no longer practising Christians it's not necessarily a "Christian" festival which you have to avoid...

Personally I would say that most cultures have celebrations in mid-winter (am I am right in thinking there is a Muslim one around then?) which originally started as a way of celebrating the fact that days would start getting longer again, etc and then became linked with religious celebrations and generally children get presents and have different stories relating to that...

BonsoirAnna · 13/09/2009 09:40

Believing, entirely and completely, in the fiction of FC (with the collusion of parents and family), and working out for yourself that it is entirely improbable, is one of the very important lessons of early childhood. Don't let your children miss out!

Original poster

littleducks · 13/09/2009 09:45

Muslim festivities are based on a lunar calendar and rotate throughout the year Grapefruit

BonsoirAnna-im sure that the millions of children in Jewish/Muslim/Buddhist/other religion lands survive without xmas, i dont think my kids will miss out, i just dont want them to offend others

OP posts:

whyme2 · 13/09/2009 09:50

Sorry, don't agree Anna, I can't get my head around lying to my children and I think it is mean to collude in this ultimately disappointing fantasy.

BonsoirAnna · 13/09/2009 09:52

You are not "lying" to your children if you collude in fantasy with them when they are small - you are enabling them to work out what is fact and fiction for themselves by indulging in harmless fantasy.

Children who are not helped with this at home and brought up in a totally factual environment often have a great deal of difficulty with working out the difference between more complex fact and fiction in the wider world...

Original poster

littleducks · 13/09/2009 09:56

i pretend to drink tea that dd makes me in her teapot and teacup from her teaset i think she will be ok

Sorry but you must have misunderstood the thread, i was hoping of ways to handle the issue with dd not trying to get encourage for my family to abandon our religion to take part in Christian/Pagan (Yule) festivals

OP posts:

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