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Original poster

Ladies' or Gents'

37 replies

shedragon · 12/08/2009 22:30

I have had this discussion a million times with DH. When our DD needs to go to the toilet in a reastuarant or wherever, I think he should bring her into the Ladies, but he refuses to, and brings her to the Gents. (Assuming there is no 'neutral' wee-wee place). DD is nearly 4 years old. I was asking friends at the weekend, and they agreed with DH. Am I off my rocker? Or is it appropriate for a little girl to be wandering thru the Gents?

OP posts:

CMOTdibbler · 12/08/2009 22:32

I agree with your DH - as an adult male, he has no place in the ladies loos. No way she can come to any harm with her dad in the gents

MmeLindt · 12/08/2009 22:33

If DH takes DD to the loo then she goes with him to the Gents. Now that she is 7yo she goes on her own to the Ladies. At 4yo she was still going with him, I think.

In the same way, if DS (5yo) needs to go, he goes alone unless it is a dodgy public loo then he goes to ladies wiht me or gents with DH.

weegiemum · 12/08/2009 22:33

If dh has to take our girls to the loo now (they are 5 and 9) he sends them into the ladies and waits at the door. Obv he can't take them in, it would be wildly inappropriate for him to go into the ladies.

He has asked kindly motherly looking women to see if they are OK before now - usually it takes so long as dd2 is mucking around with soap dispensers and unusual taps!

If you are with them and you are worried, you should take them. In no circs should a man go into the ladies.

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MrsJamesMartin · 12/08/2009 22:33

If you want her to be actually taken into the toilet then it would have to be the gents' if your DH takes her.My DD went in with DH and DS goes into ladies with me.

I agree with your DH.

Its not inappropriate shes just a little girl.

Aimsmum · 12/08/2009 22:35

Message withdrawn

JeMenFous · 12/08/2009 22:36

Absolutely not for a man to enter the ladies, how do you think other mothers feel when they send their dds into the ladies for a man to enter too? It is definitey a no no and something that I have chalenged a man about. I have no hesitation in challenging the man who is doing so and complaining to the management about it.

Very dodge IMO

LynetteScavo · 12/08/2009 22:38

It is inapropriate for a man to be wondering into the ladies.

I'm totally with your DH.

GrimmaTheNome · 12/08/2009 22:38

You're off your rocker, he'd probably get arrested if he went in the ladies!

I can see your logic since ladies are always just cubicles and gents may have urinals, but it wouldn't be socially acceptable for a bloke to go into the ladies even with a DD.

DH used to take DD into the gents if necessary - straight into cubicle, wash and out, no 'wandering'. But nearly always in the sort of places he takes her to there is a unisex disabled so they'd use that for preference.

mollymawk · 12/08/2009 22:38

?
How could he go into the Ladies'?
With your DH on this, sorry.
Don't see a problem with DD going into Gents' if she is with him.

Original poster

shedragon · 12/08/2009 22:38

But I think it's more appropariate for a man to be in a Ladies' than a little girl to be in a Gents? No? I mean, there's no women weeing against a wall in the Ladies'. Is this not true? Or am I truly off my rocker and thinking the fuddled thoughts of a woman who has not slept in 3 years (nearly 4)?

OP posts:

HecatesTwopenceworth · 12/08/2009 22:39

Your husband cannot go into the ladies! That would be totally inappropriate.

OTOH, is it ok for a little girl to be wandering through the gents? Blokes mid-pee at the urinals? Not ideal either! However, he could open the door, have a peek and check it's empty, get her to a cubicle, explain things to other blokes.

Of course this is when he is alone with her and there is no other choice. If you are there, then it's up to you to take her into the ladies of course.

You must consider other people. The women in the ladies who would not want your husband wandering through and the men in the gents who do not want to find themselves at a urinal being watched by a little girl.

weegiemum · 12/08/2009 22:41

It is more appropriate for a little girl to be ushered into the gents with her daddy and straight into a cubicle than for a man to be in the ladies.

I can't think of any situation (bar a medical emergency) where I would be happy to see a man in the ladies toilets.

MrsJamesMartin · 12/08/2009 22:42

Your DH would not be welcome in the ladies. Surely its straight into the gents into the cubicle then wash hands and out?

The men are only urinating after all, she has surely seen your DH doing this.

I'm sure when your DD is a bit older and goes off to ladies alone you wouldn't particularly want a man going in there would you?

feedthegoat · 12/08/2009 22:43

I'm with your dh I'm afraid. I think when taking dc to the toilet your choice has to be made based on the gender of the adult present not the child.

frimblypoo · 12/08/2009 22:44

What's wrong with a man taking a small child into the ladies?????
OP I'm with you and I find everyone's appalled comments incredibly uptight
It's a man with a child FGS not a bloomin pervert looking under the stalls.

On Sunday we took 3yo DS out. DH took him to the men's loo, it was so filthy he couldn't sit down. I told him to take him to the usually cleaner ladies in such a situation if I wasn't there as women wouldn't mind
Seems I was wrong.
Bring on continental unisex loos.

LadyMuck · 12/08/2009 22:45

Out of interest would you take a son into the Gents?

mollymawk · 12/08/2009 22:45

If she is only 4 surely it is ok for her to see a man doing a wee?

Original poster

shedragon · 12/08/2009 22:47

True, MrsJames.
It's just a notion I have. Gents' aren't (generally) the nicest places.

Obviously I'm wrong in my notion. Is there no one who sees my point of view?

OP posts:

Aimsmum · 12/08/2009 22:48

Message withdrawn

Yurtgirl · 12/08/2009 22:48

Why would a man go into the ladies?
Bizarre

If H was on his own with dd then he would take her into the gents no question - when she is 6 or 7 she can go into the ladies on her own

LadyMuck · 12/08/2009 22:49

Public toilets in general aren't the nicest of places, but they are part of life for most people.

Original poster

shedragon · 12/08/2009 23:02

Have to say I agree with frimblypoo. What the hell are you doing in the Ladies that you would be so horrified at a man going in? And it's not really a man going into the Ladies, it's a little girl, with a helper.

OP posts:

JuJusDad · 12/08/2009 23:02

I'm glad the majority are saying ok for Dad to take DD into Gents but not into Ladies, as that's what I have to do.

However, I would say that come a certain point in time, I'll be making it clear to my DD that she isn't to be in the Gents by herself. (Don't ask me when, just depends on her awareness, iyswim. She's two right now, so should be a while yet).

This is partly for the obvious reason of not wanting her to wander into a Gents thinking that's ok, and because of personal experience - I still remember when I was very small (4 ish?) being told to go to the loo by myself. As I was with Mum, and Mum always took me into the Ladies, that's where I went . A lady gently joked that I should be in the Gents, (something along lines of didn't I know I was in wrong loo?), and I still remember feeling extremely embarrassed...

Thankfully, these days there's usually an alternative to either Ladies or Gents only.

BTW, I'd be very if a woman came into the Gents with her DS.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 12/08/2009 23:18

Some things are considered socially unacceptable. You do not live alone in the world. you must consider how your actions affect other people. Very many women would not want a man in the ladies. Even if he was with his daughter! They matter too. Your husband does not want to do it! How he feels about it matters. You are asking him to go into the ladies loo when he feels it is not on. That is very unfair of you.

Your daughter is 4. Do you take her to the toilet at home or does she go on her own? If she goes alone then she can go to the ladies alone and have him wait outside.

I think it's already been asked, but you didn't answer. If your dd was a ds, would you walk into the gents with him? Expect the blokes in there to be ok with that?

LadyMuck · 12/08/2009 23:22

Well it depends on where the facilities are, but in the past I have got changed in the Ladies, or have had to dry out clothes under handheaters after some accident or other. Not daily occurrences of course, but then many public toilets put up notices if there is a possibility of a male cleaner coming in, so I assume that the norm is still that one doesn't expect adult men to appear in the Ladies, with or without whatever age girl he was accompanying. I think that the only time I would be happy with the situation is if the only baby changing facilities are in the Ladies, when I would of course vent my spleen at the provider of the facilities!

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