Things you learned about life from MN

[VoltaireMittyDream]

I grew up before the internet and reality TV, so all you could know about people came from fiction, and the world around you.

I never knew any cocklodgers growing up.

All the men (and most of the women) I knew were uptight, tortured workaholics - which wasn’t great either, and the men still demanded a disproportionate amount of emotional and administrative and domestic support from their female partners.

But until I joined MN I had no idea how many men out there take no pride in a work ethic or professional identity, and feel no responsibility to pay their own way. And it is SO common on here - across class and education levels and cultures and nationalities. All these freeloading men! I never knew!

I also had no idea how much variation there was in couples’ approaches to money. Long-married couples with strictly separate finances who insist on being paid half for a pint of milk. Families where all child related costs come out of the mother’s earnings & the father’s money is all his own. Couples where it’s totally normal to talk about money, and couples where it’s completely taboo.

And sex! I’m in awe of the people who have sex every day even when their fastidiousness requires them to cover the bed in special sex towels beforehand and boil wash the sheets immediately afterwards and hose themselves down with disinfectant before and after.

I also had no idea how all-consuming elder care was until my own experience brought me to the Elderly Parents board, and I discovered a whole massive parallel universe of ageing parents whose ‘independence’ comes at vast emotional, professional, and financial expense to their daughters.

What other different realities have people had their eyes opened to on here?

I was being sarcastic (very difficult to indicate online) because these are things that an overwhelming majority of people on MN seem to insist are facts.

The finances thing. Where I'm from everyone gives their money to the mother. I always managed our money in our house and DH expected this. We never even thought about it tbh. My mother was the same and my grandmother was collecting the brown envelopes before WW2. Apparently this is a Lancashire thing and not the norm.

About different love languages especially gift giving as a love language.

That a having lot of people don’t like doing stuff on their own.

Recently tge thing I’ve learned is that people get offended over the silliest things! And really overthink certain situations!

Just chill is my advice!

How many “Option C” people there are in the world - i.e. people who are faced with two choices (often admittedly unpalatable) but, rather than deciding on which is the lesser of two evils, will go into long and painful detail about how they couldn’t possibly do either.

“My friend really wants to me to go holiday with her, but I’m dreading the thought of it”. MN: “Just be honest and tell her it’s not your friend thing”. “But she’ll be upset though!” MN: “Will it be that bad? If you don’t want to upset her, could you just go and make the best of it?” “Noooooo!!! I don’t want to go though!!!”

Well I’m sorry, but unless you’re thinking of engaging a hypnotist to make your friend forget she ever even asked to, these are your options! Pick one!!

The Script
Why women must marry before getting pregnant, if they are not financially independent, and not marry at all if they are
When women must not put the father's name on the birth certificate and/or give baby father's surname
How finances should be divided between SAHP and working parent
Lots of legal information relating to property, cash, changing locks, insurance etc

What abuse looks like in a marriage. It helped me realise how toxic and abusive my ex was and that the things he did were not normal. I will forever be grateful to Mumsnet for that

Yes, it's often tempting to post "well you'll just have to go then".

That treating a SC as "one of you own" does not mean that you can say "no" to them, even if you would've said "no" to your own child if the same situation arose.

That there are people who won’t answer the door if they don’t know who’s calling.
And that some people won’t let tradesmen use their toilet. (Perhaps these are also the people who don’t possess a toilet brush).

I’ve learned that people are really gross and don’t live up to my standards. For instance putting pet dishes in the dishwasher, letting pets lick plates, some don’t even shower/wash everyday. 🤮

Lefty loosey, righty tighty! Can’t believe it took me so long to find out!

I learned that I was pronouncing “segue” very wrong!

That there are far more nasty, unkind people around than I have ever met or imagined existed. They all seem to post on here
That there is a raging epidemic of narcissism. Every family or friendship group appears to have at least one.
What a poor understanding there is of confirmation bias. The chances are that if you have separated from your husband or partner or chosen not to send your child to nursery then you will want everyone else to do the same to affirm your decision. Yet very few posters seem to take this into account when asking for advice.

What some consider normal salary and don’t realise that even in London earning £100 000 is a large amount compared to most of the population

i agree on skews older, presumably as women joined years ago when pregnant or young children and stayed. (I’m older as well, came following a google search about which hoover to buy and stayed though I have no children.

What not at all ? That must be quite unattractive i couldn't have "done it all" without my Dh we are mid 50s with adult children, so it isn't as if we are young and "modern:, this is the sort of nonsense my stepdad pulled my mum did everything and worked full time. He thought work and his buddies were more important.

-I've learnt how excuciatingly expensive childcare is (I don't have kids).
-I've learnt that an unexpected number of middle age women canter upstairs on all fours (who knew)
-I've learnt the beauty of a heated throw
-I've learnt that there are a hell a lot of women who need to raise their expectations when it comes to relationships

Spiders wipe their willies on washing left outside overnight

I think you are right. I am older and now the parent of an adult child. I joined MN when DD was at primary school and have been on primary school, high school, GCSE, A level and higher education threads, and I think a lot of posters have done the same and stayed on mumsnet.

Like you, I also feel that I have learned a lot about SEN, particularly ADHD and autism.

Yep bloody weird!

Why the cantering??

I can’t tell you how it warmed my heart to learn that so many other people also go upstairs like a horse!

That many, many mumsnetters assume that something they didn’t grow up with is an Americanism. Things that many Scots or Irish grew up with are, according to many, still Americanisms

Also if someone doesn’t know about something then it didn’t happen or doesn’t exist.

At risk of sounding like a boring MN old-timer, it’s taken a real turn for the nastier on here in the past 5 years or so. I joined nearly 15 years ago and was surprised and delighted by how many incredibly funny and intelligent and good natured people were on here. It really gave me hope for the human condition!

I think discourse in general has become a lot more anxious and aggressive since then, and MN is no exception.

I’m much more snarky on here than I ever used to be, and I don’t like that about myself.

Ooh, haven't come across this one yet. I'm Irish, what Irish (or Scots) things do people assume are Americanisms? Things like Halloween?