Things you learned about life from MN

[VoltaireMittyDream]

I grew up before the internet and reality TV, so all you could know about people came from fiction, and the world around you.

I never knew any cocklodgers growing up.

All the men (and most of the women) I knew were uptight, tortured workaholics - which wasn’t great either, and the men still demanded a disproportionate amount of emotional and administrative and domestic support from their female partners.

But until I joined MN I had no idea how many men out there take no pride in a work ethic or professional identity, and feel no responsibility to pay their own way. And it is SO common on here - across class and education levels and cultures and nationalities. All these freeloading men! I never knew!

I also had no idea how much variation there was in couples’ approaches to money. Long-married couples with strictly separate finances who insist on being paid half for a pint of milk. Families where all child related costs come out of the mother’s earnings & the father’s money is all his own. Couples where it’s totally normal to talk about money, and couples where it’s completely taboo.

And sex! I’m in awe of the people who have sex every day even when their fastidiousness requires them to cover the bed in special sex towels beforehand and boil wash the sheets immediately afterwards and hose themselves down with disinfectant before and after.

I also had no idea how all-consuming elder care was until my own experience brought me to the Elderly Parents board, and I discovered a whole massive parallel universe of ageing parents whose ‘independence’ comes at vast emotional, professional, and financial expense to their daughters.

What other different realities have people had their eyes opened to on here?

I had no idea that kids seem to spend 24/7 snacking. Snacks weren't a thing when i was growing up.

Does it make you wonder about the women you know in real life? I don’t think I know any people like this but mumsnet is full of them

Some of this for me as well.
It made me think about things I would never have known and hopefully made me more compassionate.

Also, learnt that some/many people see things very black and white and have very strong opinions on what I would consider minor things. Vicious threads include drivers who make a minor mistake, parents who track their kids, someone who gives alcohol to their 17.5 year old "child", to name but a few.

I also learnt to my delight that I was not the only person in the world to struggle with the idea that people can change sex.

I had no idea that people were so ignorant about UK politics. Not understanding the system, and how a PM is appointed. Actually thinking that the King has the powers of an Absolute Monarch, and not understanding that he is a Constitutional Monarch. Not understanding the Commonwealth, why nations join, and what it's aim is.
It's not just one thread; it's many and it's genuinely shocked me. Someone actually thought Charles could refuse to meet Trump, someone else thought that he was in charge of the police, and someone else thought Camilla was in charge of the press.
It really is troubling.

I'm been horrified and impressed in equal measure at the lengths some mnetters go to frogmarch their lazy kids through their gcse's.

I have learnt that sending someone flowers just adds to the "mental load" and is the equivalent of shitting in their kitchen sink.

You have to:

Answer the door to the delivery person. (this is a challenge all on its own)
Hunt for a vase.
Fill the vase.
Dispose of the packaging.
Arrange the flowers.
Then sit and watch them die.
Throw them away.
Wash vase.
Dry vase.
Return vase to cupboard.
Silently seethe about the actual nerve of somebody sending you a gift.

Whatever happened to "Thank you, they're lovely."?

Oh, and that some people live in sterile environments that could double as operating theatres in an emergency.

Another thing I'm surprised about is how many people will desperately lie to the point of getting themselves in knots about how best to lie, instead of thinking of a diplomatic way to be honest. 'Just say you have the flu/ your dog is sick/ your childcare fell through!! Job done!!' rather than 'not really my thing but do enjoy yourself' etc.

I have learnt that if I need money urgently I can do ironing and could make a living from it, also a chicken should last all week .Who knew ?

That I wasn't the only person to be called a cunt by someone who says they love me. I've ended it now and I feel relieved.

I learned that it's not actually helpful to cleaners if you strip the bedding when you stay in a hotel.

I've learned that MN does not represent anyone I know IRL and I can't express how thankful I am for that lesson.

How do you know though?
What ic learned is what people think and what people say are very, very different.

That many people also have a bat shit crazy family and that I am not alone. This has been the greatest part of MN and how I came to discover it.

Interesting perspective! I guess I'd have to ask people if what they're saying aligns with what they think, person to person and situation to situation, to know if that is truly the case. Seems like a lot of effort, though.

That you are not supposed to pronounce the L in almond.

People take their shoes off inside their house.

Men in their 20s are still ‘children’ and usually need their mummies to stand up for them

That apparently it’s acceptable to tell a partner that they can’t do something (obviously only works if a female forbids a man to do something) and you have to change someone rather than accepting that they are different and if it’s a dealbreaker you should leave.

If a woman is disliked, it can only be jealousy.

Largely me too. Most of the husbands work in the City.

There would be no point. They wouldn't tell you the truth anyway.

Thread after thread after thread of people who feel a certain way yet tell the person its fine, then seethe quietly has made me realise so many people say what they think the other person wants to hear and are so scared of what they see as conflict that they are incapable of saying what they truly think.

It's everywhere. There are even regular threads titled unpopular opinions, or things youd never say that get 1000 posts of people anonymously confessing that the lie like a pro to avoid awkwardness.

I think that people are honest online more often than they are honest in real life. And its because there are no real life consequences to anonymous honesty.

Mumsnet made me realise that for some people miscarriage, even very early miscarriage, can be really traumatic. I was shocked when I first read about women needing months off work because they were grieving early miscarriages. It’s made me more mindful of this. When I miscarried at 12 months it honestly didn’t bother me that much.

Ive also been surprised how rigid people are about their views on funerals and death. I didn’t realise how important funerals were to some people.

Another thing that has suprised me is how wet lots of people are. I knew there are wet people about but it seems like every other poster on Mumsnet gets themselves in bad situations they could have easily avoided by standing up for themselves.

Im also always amazed at how bitter and resentful some posters are. Some people get irate over very minor things and seem to be at war with everyone. It makes me feel like I’m much more relaxed than a lot of other Mumsnetters.

I think Mumsnet has also helped me understand just how trapped some women are in bad relationships. I would have thought I’d be understanding of this but reading countless threads from people who are stuck in awful relationships really drives home just what little power some people have.

Finally, I’m always a bit shocked at how many Mumsnetters are willing to say that they would be happy to be dishonest, for example, keeping money that they found or not owning up to being undercharged in a shop.

That some women cannot be on their own and will always put their own need to have a man ahead of their DCs happiness. How quickly they move in a new “partner” who adds fuck all to their kids’ lives at best and at worst gives them a miserable childhood. See it on here constantly.

How old are you? This is unheard of in my circle and plenty of husbands work in the city.

Oh and apparently:

Nobody ever commits benefit fraud

If they do, then it’s fine because big companies and tax

There is no such thing as a family where more than one generation are on benefits

If you see someone shoplifting then don’t say anything

People having babies are doing it for the good of the country and are apparently contributing more to the country than those who work their entire lives

Do you believe Mumsnet is an impartial judge when it comes to men?
It always amazes me when a woman posts about a situation in which she has been a complete bellend and yet she receives almost universal support and her husband is in the wrong by default.
There’s very little accountability for women when it comes to relationships on mumsnet.

These aren't things you've actually learnt, though - you've discovered several people think them...

I'd like to know more things people have actually had their eyes opened to, not a list of opinions or widely believed false information, because that would fill the whole internet (and does....)

Late 40s. They all do stuff with the DC, that's never an issue, but a lot of the women stayed at home. So did all the cleaning and laundry etc.