Punch in the gut Realization.

[namechange62]

I was driving my very articulate and imaginative 3 year old DGS this afternoon and we were talking about cute babies.

And the conversation moved on to his future babies.
He is going to find a wife when he's a man like his daddy and give her a seed and she's going to grow their babies! He's going to have twinnies called (looking around outside for inspiration) Lighty and Benson (for beds where he got his new bed). It was beautiful to listen to..it really was.
And he chatted about being with her when the babies come out of her tummy and I can come to the hospital to visit them. (He has a baby brother and is remembering all this happening).

Well... I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach with the realization that I probably won't be alive when he becomes a father. I'm mid 60s now (I had my DD at 30 and she was 30 when she had him) and people are having babies much later so unless he has DC when he's a teenager or very early 20s I probably won't be here.

I got very emotional and actually started to cry. Not sobs just silent tears running down my face.
Luckily he just continued to chat and didn't notice.
It was an actual physical feeling.

I know I'm so very lucky to be a Grandma and be so involved with them. I savour every second of it.

And I'm going to do everything in my power to live as long as I can to see him become a father..

DH’s family. But they’ve known their great+grandparents because everyone has children very young. DH’s parents are in their eighties, his eldest siblings are in their sixties and had children in their early twenties, and lots of their children have had children, who know their great-grandparents. My family breeds later.

I actually knew all 4 of my great grandparents and as I said in my OP my grandson met both of his Great grandparents.

I would've thought that was pretty unusual though, even by today's standards when people are living much longer.

I hear you. They say GC keep you young, but they also remind you you're not. Sometimes I look at my DCG and think how little of their lives I'll get to share with them. And yes, it is a punch in the gut. It's such a bitter sweet relationship isn't it? My coping strategy is to live in the moment, enjoy everything and savour it in a way I didn't with my own children when time seemed endless and I knew we had a long time together ahead.

My grandmother was 60 the year I was born, and lived to see all four of my dc. I was 27 when I had my first, 34 when my youngest was born.

I know it’s not guaranteed, and it’s a sad thought. My grandad didn’t get to meet my dc. But it’s not at all impossible that you will meet your great grandchildren.

I don't know if many people get to meet their great children.

You have given him a lovely gift, in that he feels you are a stable, permanent part of his life. As he grows up, he will realise that though you won’t be around forever, your love for him will be, and he will feel your nurturing presence when he has his own children. I know because this is how I feel about my own grandparents, now long gone. They would just adore my children as you would love his.

My kids great grandparents are in their 90s so you never know!

I know a teenage boy whose great-great-grandmother was still alive when he was born!

It would be wonderful..

Lovely post. And so true. I can see my late mums influence on my DD. She is teaching her own daughter a skill my mum taught her.

I was driving over 6 hrs yesterday so I only looked at this thread when I stopped.
Some of the posts were so lovely..
Thank you to those that got it. And thank you for the lovely stories of your own Great/Grandparents relationships.
I absolutely know how lucky I am with the relationship I have with my DD and DGSs.
My own DC had a wonderful relationship with my DPs and it definitely shaped their lives and were lucky to have been adults when they both died.
Unfortunately they didn't have GPs on their dad's side.

My Grandma went on and on about how she wouldn’t see any of her grandchildren get married when we were growing up. She’s now been to several weddings and had loads of great grandchildren! She’s now 96 and looks 70. You never know OP!

You’re 65 so in 12 years time you will only be 77 and dd11 will be 24/25 - you may well see her settle down and have children.
My dd is under 30 and has 3! Mind you I’m under 50- having kids young has its advantages!! My mum was mortified when I became a teenage mum but tbh she is loving being a great grandmother so much I think it’s made it up to her and she shows off her status all the time and still have quality input with her grandchildren every few days as she lives nearby. It’s lovely.

I have tried to turn the feeling into something positive OP. I've made my mind up to do everything I can to be around as long as I can. I've gone from a bit of a couch potato, bad diet, too much stress, to a whole foods eating, teetotal, exercising grandma. I prioritise my health, activity and rest. I know there's no guarantees, but it helps to feel I'm doing my best to secure as many good years ahead as I can. And if despite this, fate intervenes, I've at least got myself into a condition where I can enjoy everything with the DGC while I'm here. I feel great too. Better than in my 40s, and I'm 57. For all I know I could be like PPs gran and be here at 96 and the sadness will have been for nothing. You too.

Yes I think this is a sad factor of people choosing to have children so old these days. My parents were early 20s when they had me and were fun engaged grandparents for my siblings children as they also had children in their late 20s. Due to infertility I was mid to late 30s and the 10 plus years has made a huge difference. They are seeing their eldest grandchildren reach adulthood and celebrate in their milestones but likely won’t live to see the same or my children

its a sad unspoken factor of the increasing maternal and paternal ages to have children and the lack of appreciation of the benefits having relationships with grandparents and great grandparents can bring

My three grandchildren have great grandparents. My own mum who is 85 and the paternal great grandad for one who is in his nineties. It's possible I will get to be a great grandmother if the eldest granddaughter has kids by thirty but less likely with the younger two. I only had one grandparent left myself by the age of five and they missed out on great grandchild by just a year. If I have gone I will visit them as a ghost if possible just to check them out as there are a lot of stories like this.

I am fortunate enough to have one of my grandparents still living - almost 95, still independent and compos mentis which is an incredible privilege. My eldest child is 16 and youngest is 12 and I’m glad they will have living memories of a great grandparent despite living in different countries. Having said that, DH’s last grandparent is the same age but has shown absolutely no interest in our children and so has no relationship with them at all despite living just down the road. So I suppose it can work out in strange ways even if we are lucky enough to live to a grand old age.

My own parents are in their early 60s and I would love for them to have the experience of being a great grandparent but with the next generation having children much older I don’t know if they will. It feels wrong to encourage my own kids to have kids early for our benefit!

In hear you, but just try and enjoy the here and now. My Dad died five years before DD was born, so they never met.Her other granddad died when she was three. She has a vague memory of being with me in a building with a man in bed (I think thst could have been the last time granddad saw her in hospital).

Hey, you never know what life will bring! Focus on health and keeping fit - I'm 32 and recently had my first baby, and my grandparents, who've always worked hard to keep fit and healthy, are well into their 80s and still fit and well and enjoying doting on my little one. I'd focus on what's in your control where you can 🙂

My parents should have met their great grandchildren. My mum had me when she was 23 and I had my son at 24 so she was only 48 when he was born. Unfortunately both my parents died in their early 70s so never got to meet their great grandchildren - the first of whom was born to my daughter when she was 27

I’m 41 with a 5 year old grandson so hopefully I’ll see him and his kids grow up! But there’s always going to be someone we leave behind, children or grandchildren or great grandchildren. As pp said, that’s life and we just need to enjoy what we have. Something to be said about not waiting until you’re 40 to have children though.

I had my son at 33, and this is the only reason a little bit of me wishes I'd been younger. Although, I was a mess when I was younger so I'd have probably been a terrible parent

I'm not sure why so many people are making the assumption that they will have grandchildren and great- grandchildren..... a 3 year old can definitely change their mind once they are an adult. At least 20% of young women today will not become parents.
Why not live in the moment and enjoy what you have, rather than worrying about not seeing something which may not actually happen?

That's very sweet, but I think having great-grandparents is pretty unusual - I certainly didn't have any, and I'm in my 40s! And I only had one living grandparent when my son was born (she lived to 100).

I had my son at 37 and I just hope I live long enough to see his children, if he has any - great-grandchildren is wildly unlikely.