Do you think women cheat more than men?

[WhiteCompanyMagicNights]

Just having this debate with a male friend.

He thinks women cheat more. As he’s got most romantic interest and flirting from women already taken or married etc

Whereas, as a woman I think men cheat more. And often at horrific times like after a baby is born etc

I personally know more women who have cheated than I do men. But I also know more women who have been cheated on than I do men (because I know more women).

Research tends to find that more men cheat each year then women do, and men cheat who cheat, cheat more often than women who heat do. Overall, it finds a remarkable similar percentage of men compared to women who cheat over their lifetime. It seems men, once they've started cheating, just keep going with other partners, regardless of how often they're caught.

Not at all in my experience/circle. I’ve also noticed that women who ended up cheating did so after a long time of trying to work things out or leave the relationship but can’t. Plus, they’re also more chastised by their social circle if they cheat.
Out of everyone I’ve crossed paths with, I can only remember 2 women who cheated “just because”.

I can’t think of many men I know that suffered any consequences for cheating, really. A lot of them seem to cheat simply because they want sex with someone different and an ego stroke.

I suspect numbers are closer than people on here like to think but the judgement on here suggests women would be very reluctant to share their experience. My relationship started as an emotional affair. It only became physical after we both separated from our spouses. The difference is his friends and family know it started as an EA, I could never tell mine. The reasons for the EA are the same- both really unhappy and both should have ended our marriages earlier but were scared to.

I’ve also noticed that women who ended up cheating did so after a long time of trying to work things out or leave the relationship but can’t.

I think this is often true. I have a friend who I suspect will cheat on her husband at some point. He's emotionally distant and a workaholic and their marriage has been dead for years. He doesn't even acknowledge her birthday or get her gifts for Christmas, and he doesn't come on holiday with her and the kids. He hardly speaks to her when he's home. But he's very anti-divorce and thinks they should stay together 'for the children' and to have a more comfortable life. He's not unpleasant or abusive though, and she's still quite fond of him in a detached kind of way and respects how hard he works, even though there's no love there anymore. She doesn't want to hurt him and upset their kids' lives by leaving him, but in her shoes I would have been out of there long ago.

Problem is that we have a mutual friend who likes her a lot and she has confessed to me that she is attracted to him too. But she was brought up to believe that once married, you stay married (happily or unhappily) until you die. I can't help wondering if she'll eventually cave and either leave or have an affair. Her husband really doesn't love her or care about her (he's even told her that he sees them more as 'co-parents' than anything else) so it would be hard to feel too sorry for him or avoid thinking that he'd brought it on himself if it happened.

I doubt it. There’s far more risk involved for women. Unwanted pregnancy, sexual or physical assault, the guy turning out to be a creepy stalker etc. It isn’t worthwhile for women and I’m pretty sure they’re more likely to leave before cheating.

I’ll ignore the actual evidence because it doesn’t fit with my anecdotal experience

wow

i know it’s a known phenomenon that people don’t change their views even when presented with facts but it’s a shock to see it so starkly

I think it’s probs about the same but I think women get away with it more because they tend to shut the fuck up about it. All the cheating men I know got caught because they had mentionitus and it peaked the woman’s suspicions and she ultimately found him out. The women (well, the two women I know have cheated) both told me, in confidence, years after the fact. I had no idea, they hadn’t once mentioned the affair partners around me or to me despite us being very close.

He is confusing friendliness with flirting.

In my experience far more men cheat. And even happily married men with families I know have cheated simply for sex and because they can.

That's not to say woman don't cheat for this reason but less so once they have children and if they do its more of a way to find some happiness and affection in their lives

See, this is the Mumsnet mantra

man cheats because he’s bad
woman cheats there must be a reason and it’s less bad

Hilarious. The MN mantra is that when a man cheats, the OW is the absolute devil incarnate, even when she's single and didn't cheat on anyone. You get all that crap about creating a vacancy and "karma", which is that he will cheat on her too and break her heart and THAT'S what's ideal: heartbroken OW and man who gets more cheating sex, forever.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Exactly what I said, it's not difficult.

Aww how sweet of you yay someone to stick up for the poor men in our society against us awful mean women

He thinks women cheat more. As he’s got most romantic interest and flirting from women already taken or married etc

Same sex attraction is relatively rare. Even if you assume people feel free self-identifying and disclosing, if you add up the gay men and the bisexual men UK census stats show that that population is dwarfed by the heterosexuals. Unless he's in some unusual environment like a monastery or a boys' boarding school, of course he is getting more sexual attention from women than from men! If his argument is that he is getting more actionable sexual interest from people who are already in supposedly monogamous relationships than from people who are single or polygamous - why do you think that could be?

There are a lot of married men on online dating sites. I do not believe they are all there with their wives' knowledge. Some claim to be, but I doubt it. Also claims of open marriages - might be true in some cases, but I suspect in most cases, it's been a one-sided decision and the wife doesn't know. Some of them fail to mention they're married at all.

Of course, women might be like this as well, but I haven't tried to match with women to find out.

I work in a male-dominated field, and over the years, I've had male colleagues ask for sex. Or a bj, because that doesn't count, apparently (shall we ask your wife about that?) Or if they don't stay the night, that doesn't count, either. So men can have quite flexible definitions of cheating when they want to, which might also affect reported figures.

I suspect women are better at being discreet about it, if they are having affairs, at least in general. There will always be exceptions.

Lots of research and studies have been done on this. Shock horror men cheat significantly more. Just look up the studies and show him them.

Ok then. I've leave you to your incoherent word salad. I'm not going to respond to you again as you are clearly a must have the last word type poster.

Not really, but if it's on offer I'll take it, thanks. You should be grateful, isn't it more points in your imaginary "women are as bad as men, MN is unfaaaaaair!" ledger?

Don't forget to add another highly contrived post to the thread in general to prove how incredibly breezy you are...

i Know copy these husbands who have cheated and many on stag doos too. Not only do I not have a single Female friend who has cheated, I also don’t have a single friend who has a desire too or even portrays those kinds of behaviours. Men think with their bananas and woman think with their heads and if a man is worthy enough, also with her heart. A lot of men we know who have cheated have followed the same sad path, cheated on their wives, ruined their family and got with a younger, slimmer model - only two years down the line, they’re drowning in nappies again and back to square one. We see it coming every.single.time. But they never do!!

How do you research this? You have to rely on people being honest and I don’t think a lot of people will admit to infidelity. There’s no way anyone can say what gender/age/race etc is worse when you have to rely on people being trustworthy and let’s be fair if they are cheating on your husband or wife I don’t think they are in the trustworthy category.

How do you know none of your female friends have cheated? All you know is you haven’t found out about it.

It's impossible to say. Maybe women hide it better. I'd have thought women experience more times in their life where they can't or don't want to have sex for physical reasons (and men generally seem to have higher sex drives and traditionally fewer domestic ties to get in the way). But there's no verifiable data out there for obvious reasons.

They just haven’t told you. I’m a woman and I know quite a lot who have cheated and get away with it more. My mum knew loads in her generation too.

Absolute rubbish.