if you received no card or present from your 30 year old ds for your birthday would you treat them the same

[JamminDoughnuts]

is it just pathetic to retaliate in the same manner?

Then you’re going to be stuck with feeling the hurt and pain that you feel.

MN telling you that your son is a dick won’t change that.

The majority have not said that

I won't be stuck feeling hurt either

Great! Then move on and let it all go.

There’s no problem then is there?

Why couldn’t he come to your birthday meal?

It doesn’t sound like a good relationship. To even use the word ‘retaliate’ in connection to your own child is incredibly childish.

No of course not, he wished you happy birthday, I’m not a child,

who ?

It’s her son, not some random, who on earth treats their own child like that as they didn’t get a gift, no wonder so many dysfunctional relationships when this is the parents go to.

You said he sent you a text?

why do you say I am not a child?

I don't know anyone who sends cards anymore. We call or text, as he did. Cards just seem a waste these days, and they're expensive for what they are even more so with the extortionate postage.

This. There's clearly a lot more going on.

So he sent you a text. Have you seen him since your birthday? Maybe he has a present to give to you then?

yes and i wont mention it here and i did understand the reason but i think i was explaining more

I forgot to send a birthday card to my mum one year, left it too late so decided not to bother. Called her on the day and she was moody but didn’t say anything directly. I explained I had her present and would give it to her in person when I saw her in a couple of weeks because it was too fragile to post but I don’t think she believed me.

She was moody and sulky, cool when I gave her the present and it was months before she told me she was devastated I hadn’t sent her a card. I was stunned she had been so upset. I Genuinely had no idea she had taken it so badly, it’s just a bloody card.

So, in your shoes I would say something gently and move on. Can you send a casual message - “it was nice to talk to you on Sunday, but I was a bit hurt to not receive a card or present.”

That's absolutely wild on your mother's part, honestly. Crazy stuff.

Yes exactly! IDGAF if it's petty and pathetic. If someone CBA to even give me a birthday card, or gift, then they'd ain't getting anything for theirs.

Ditto Christmas cards. I will send one to someone, once, and if I don't get one back, they get no more. Why the hell should I be buying and giving to someone who CBA to give me a second thought? Fortunately my 2 DC have always got me something (and DH.) And they never need reminding. And we give to them of course....

One of my cousins (same age as me with DC a similar age to mine,) was an absolute monster for this. I have 2 DC and she has 4 (10 years between the youngest and the oldest,) and I used to buy all 4 of hers gifts for Christmas, and all the birthdays too. Well, I did for 4-5 years then I stopped. First couple of times my DC got second hand toys her kids were done with, and second hand dresses and tops that stunk of cigarette smoke and had stains on them..... I just binned the clothes. I was so disgusted. After the first couple of times she stopped giving. I carried on for a further 2-3 years, then thought 'fuck it! She CBA with my DC.'

My aunt AND my mother said she was very hurt that I had stopped. I said 'she doesn't give my 2 anything!' Then I got a sob story about how she was really poor, as she was on benefits and had no surplus cash. Whereas DH and I were loaded as we both work. (We weren't!)

My cousin managed to afford a pack of 20 cigarettes a day though, and to have a new tattoo every 2-3 months, and go to Ibiza 2-3 times a year with her mates. Also bought a Playstation 3 for her 2 sons - one each. Just after they were released... £400 each at the time (this was 2006, so that's like £700 in today's money! And she bought two!

Couldn't afford a couple of 99 pence selection boxes for my 2 DC though.

And I was meant to feel guilty for stopping buying for her 4 kids...

I didn't!

Cards are not unusual ime. I have sons in their 20s, and even when they’ve been unemployed, they’ve never not given me a bit and a card with a paragraph or 2 on how much I mean to them.

Your son has been very thoughtless and cruel and I’d let him know.

I did until someone reminded me. It's just not a 'thing' for me.

I would feel exactly the same as you. He is 30 years old, working. A nice bunch of flowers wouldn’t go amiss. Happy belated birthday.

Because retaliating is childish

thank you @Wayk

OP how long ago was your birthday?

I still send birthday cards to very special people. I'd send them to my mum and dad for example if they were still alive and I always get my adult son a card. I know postage is expensive but honestly it's £1.80 for first class or 91p for second, and the average card is around £2.50. So the total cost isn't likely to break the bank once a year for the vast majority of people.

Coconutter24

you can tell your children (even adult ones!!) to buy you a present because your job is to teach them the way the world works- don’t teach them this and wait for them to never buy a partner or friend anything and wonder why they don’t experience what other people do in terms of having friends receiving gifts etc, especially in this harsh world where people are more likely to go nc than ever before!!!