How old would your children be before you left them for a day?

[yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath]

Mine are really young now so obviously not on the cards for a while.

I don’t want to wish their childhoods away or anything but I am wondering when I’ll be able to have a day out shopping or go to a museum or a day with friends without it costing so much in childcare as to make it pointless.

I am kind of thinking maybe 10/11?

I think the OP means alone

I am not totally sure it matters why it is. I gave those things as examples. I do know there is no holiday club provision for secondary aged children and I know when the secondary school closes for whatever reason (strikes was a big one a few years ago) parents continued to work.

Anyway it is not hugely important.

@BugJuice i have to admit I really liked it when my parents went off for a bit!

@FierceFireFairy i am just looking forward to a time when I’m not running around in a rush to get back to relieve whoever is looking after them, you know?

I said earlier that i wouldn't leave my nearly 11 yo home alone for more than an hour. But just to reassure you, once they are older you to get more time for yourself.
My son has this year been on 1 x 2 night cub camp, currently on a 4 night school residential and has another 2 night camp to come.
Plus some whole day playdates.
So i have had proper time to do adult activities - a stay at a vineyard, a spa day, theatre trip etc and some shopping time.

Oh absolutely and they are lovely and it’s lovely having them around. But I am rushing from here to there a lot!

It is unlikely I will benefit much from things like school residential trips as I have two children!

Do you have a partner? Not sure if I have missed that part, as surely you could leave the kids with them and go off for the day?
Or grandparents?

Yes, if I had them I could, but no sadly.

get up to no good if left unsupervised (e.g. drink, drugs and sex)

so how would that work, you need to follow your 16yo everywhere? Sit in the corner while he hangs out with friends?

I left my now 13 year old (year 8) DD for a full day on her own for the first time this summer hol. She’d built up through various stages to this over a couple of years. Starting with short local trips for 30-60 mins when she was about 10 then up to half day when she was about 11-12 then a full day with a friend there to finally doing some whole days on her own. I wouldn’t leave her for successive whole days on her own as she would get bored and waste a lot of time on screens. I leave her younger brother - nearly 9 with her for short local trips but not longer. They don’t fight. I will build him up gradually over the next couple of years. DH and I hoping we can go out for dinner without a babysitter around a year from now 🤣
I would take them with me if I went to a museum - they’d enjoy it.

I'm in the same position of being no where near that age group yet but theoretically I agree about 11 years old - I was going into town on the bus with friends at that age and coming home alone from school so I can't see why not?

I'm sure it is very much child dependent though because my parents also told me to look after my sister's who were 5 years older when we were on holiday as they left us to go out for the evening and I think I would have been 6/7 at the time but was always very mature compared to them. My 3 year old is very switched on compared to her friends so I don't watch her like a hawk around roads / playgrounds because she's very cautious. I've seen her friends run into roads when coming out of nursery whereas she will stop without fail. So you just have to play it by ear knowing your child (and knowing them that day I'm sure! I imagine it can change!)

Hoping you have been away from your kids though anyway and will have that chance before then? Maybe I'm lucky or just a terrible mother but I've had lots of nights / days away from my daughter...some for work, some for me time and some to benefit her because she will go with my husband to stay with his family for a few weeks at a time to be immersed in his language without me being an excuse to speak English.

Those who don't leave secondary age kids for a whole day, how do you manage school holidays?

I work term time only by necessity, because there’s absolutely no childcare available for my younger child, who is disabled.

Sanity at last! I do the same. How on earth are people raising their children such that they can't survive on their own for a day when they are in secondary school? What do parents do on inset days, take the day off? Madness.

My youngest two are 12 and 15 and if there's an inset day or whatever, they love me to go to the office. They're gaming and eating crap, or running around the neighborhood on bikes with their friends. As long as they keep their phone location on, it's all good. Also I live in a suburb of a major city, so not a leafy village by any means. But it's imperative that they build independence and mastery of their environment. I cannot fathom getting a sitter for a 12 year old. I'd think I'd been lacking as a parent tbh (assuming no additional needs).

or school holidays? My DC have way more holidays than I do and no they don't want to spend every single day in a camp. Of course they are perfectly fine home alone. Usually when I get home from work, they also have a bunch of friends over and none of the teenagers has brought their mum or babysitter with them.

I would've been fine at about age 13 (personally)

Exactly.

I’d be pissed off if I used a days leave and my 13 year old slept until mid-day, raided the fridge then disappeared out with his mates for the afternoon 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️.

This is what they are supposed to be doing!

That doesn't work for lone parents who need to save annual leave for school holidays, kids sick days and medical appointments.

I left my sensible child for a day when he was 14. Overnight once he was 18. Child is literally bombproof sensible, police and army cadet. Does not drink. We live somewhere dodgy though. Youngest with SEN was left for a long evening (5pm onwards) at 17 and even that took planning and I had to be back by midnight.

To clarify, sensible child was at home alone once they reached secondary age. But I was only round the corner in the office. A year later covid arrived and was changed to wfh. I didn't do a day out of town until they were a bit older.

Once they started secondary school, so 11, my Dc was alone at home for the length of a working day during the school holidays.

Occasionally rather than every day, DH and I both used holiday to spend time with them, but not because they couldn’t be trusted alone.

They would also be home for about two and a half hours after school until we got home from work - again not every day, but a couple of days a week.

At 14, they make their own arrangements in the holidays and after school - friends houses, trips into town, staying at home on their own etc etc. And all their friends are similar.

I can’t believe someone upthread said 16!!

My kids are going to have to be ok with this at 11.

We both hybrid work so we can WFH some days but some days we both need to be in the office.

We don't have family support. Sometimes I expect they would do a sports camp because they are sporty kids but those don't operate every day and at that age I expect them to be quite picky about clubs.

I don't know anyone who is able to just give up work to babysit their secondary age children or "flexi work" to that extent or who has local family so I doubt we will be alone in doing this and probably the kids will hang out together some days.

Oh and I love museum days out with my kids but I also enjoy doing things on my own at my own pace, it's not mutually exclusive

Read the OP again. This time S L O W L Y.

If you still aren’t sure what she’s asking perhaps read the first few responding posts 😂😂

This is more or less what we did with ours. We have twins though so they kept each other company. We'd leave them for a couple of hours watching a movie when they were 9/10 if we had to go to the dump or something, as no child finds a trip to the dump particularly enthralling.

I have just started leaving my 11 year old in the last 6 months, started with 5 minutes here and there, we built up the trust and now we are up to an hour or so. He’s Allowed to walk on his own to nearby places. He has a phone and he’s pretty responsible and sensible. I would not leave him for a whole day.