Page 7 | How old would your children be before you left them for a day?

BandyAid · 15/10/2026 17:33

DS got a mobile when he started secondary school, and thars also when we were happy to leave him for longer periods. Before that hed be left for max one hour without a phone (back up plan was go to neighbours house if anything happened!).

Moonnstarz · 15/10/2026 17:34

yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath · 15/10/2026 17:10

I’m not trying to suggest they don’t exist or anything, it’s just that I don’t personally know anybody with secondary aged children who use holiday clubs or wraparound childcare, which is why I initially said around 11 for the leaving alone thing.

But of course there will be different sort of norms in different areas.

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Do they leave them for full working days where they are not at home though? I know my friend was ok with her DD being home when she was in year 6 while she was working, however she works from home and although she would be shut in her office she would be there if needed.

Another friend uses grandparents. They don't come over for the whole day but cover some of it.

I think it seems a lot if someone said they were going out from 8-5.30 as that is a long time, and then if it was just because they fancied a day alone then this does sound more selfish. If however someone said they were going out for the afternoon from 1-5 then that would seem more reasonable. To me it's the length of time that would make me feel uncomfortable if off out for the day.

maggisimpson · 15/10/2026 17:37

20 minutes to nip to the shop, 8.
An hour or so, 10.
Couple of hours/half day, 11ish.
Full day 9-3ish, 12.
Long day 7-6, 14.
Overnight, 16.

By the time my eldest was 14 we would also go out for the evening and leave him to babysit younger siblings (7+).
And I have left 12, 10 & 9 year olds together for a couple of hours in the day.

Original poster

yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath · 15/10/2026 17:42

@Moonnstarz i can’t say for sure of course but I would assume the majority do. I’ve certainly never heard a child say that they have a parent or relative coming in regularly.

It wouldn’t be a regular thing at all, it’s just nice to think of a time when I’m not as beholden to times as I am now.

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Original poster

yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath · 15/10/2026 17:44

Wildgoat · 15/10/2026 17:27

Are tiny not enjoying being a parent, is their father not involved at all? Do you have no family support either?

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Sorry what does are tiny mean? Not being difficult as I realise it was a typo, I just can’t work out what for!

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BuildbyNumbere · 15/10/2026 17:50

You are going to leave a 10 year old at home ALL day to go shopping?!?! Hahahahahah

LoveHearts69 · 15/10/2026 17:50

If leaving with their dad I tend to on occasion from the age of 2/2.5 as I breastfeed until then so it’s when they can go a full day without. He’s very capable of taking them out for the day though.

There’s no one else for a variety of reasons (health/distance/age) that I could or would want to leave young children with for longer than a couple of hours though really.

sorry edited as I didn’t realise you meant on their own 😅🙈

BuildbyNumbere · 15/10/2026 17:51

mindutopia · 15/10/2026 11:18

I’m sorry, what? 😂 My eldest was 4 months when I went for a day out with a friend in London (3 hours from home). Youngest was in nursery full days at 11 months. When my eldest was 16 months, I went to Australia for 2 weeks (for work, but still it was great!). Also went to the States for a week or two when she was maybe 3. I’ve gone off walking a Camino in Spain for 10 days without them. Do your children not go to school? 🤣

She means leaving them at home alone … hence, not costing money for childcare 🙄

GentlePanda · 15/10/2026 17:52

I leave my nearly 12 year old alone for a few hours if I’m nearby. I leave her all day with her older brother who is 16 and very sensible. I could go out for the evening too now if they are both in together.
It really depends on the child. My son is very sensible so I would consider leaving him overnight if I wasn’t too far away, obviously not looking after my daughter at the same time! I can’t imagine getting to the same stage with her as she is wild one!

Original poster

yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath · 15/10/2026 17:53

So here was the actual post @BuildbyNumbere

”I am wondering when I’ll be able to have a day out shopping or go to a museum or a day with friends without it costing so much in childcare as to make it pointless.
I am kind of thinking maybe 10/11

Honestly, it doesn’t seem dramatically ludicrous to me. But we are all different. Leaving an eleven year old (and note I do say in a later post that it’s ’more like 11 tbf’) for a few hours to have a wander round the shops doesn’t seem on a ‘hahaha’ level. What are people thinking could happen?

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Original poster

yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath · 15/10/2026 17:54

I think it depends on the child to a point but I also think it’s one of those things where independence comes from being independent. After all, you’re not going to raise a swimmer by avoiding water.

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Simonjt · 15/10/2026 18:06

Our son is eleven and sometimes spends the day home alone, especially if we’re taking our youngest to soft play. Sometimes he stays at home, other times he pops to the park etc, just like most eleven year olds where we live.

Stompythedinosaur · 15/10/2026 18:18

Dd1 was 14 before I left them alone for a full day. Dd2 was 13, but she was with her sister.

I left them for a few hours from around 12.

BugJuice · 15/10/2026 18:23

yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath · 15/10/2026 17:54

I think it depends on the child to a point but I also think it’s one of those things where independence comes from being independent. After all, you’re not going to raise a swimmer by avoiding water.

To be fair mine are really independent, make their own way to school (12 miles on a bus), go out with friends all the time etc. The only real reason I wouldn’t leave my 11 year old all day yet is that I think she’d get bored. I limit it to around 4 hours at the moment.

HippeePrincess · 15/10/2026 18:32

From 11 mine have been by themselves for full working days, there are no holiday clubs for their age and they wouldn’t go even if there was. I leave for work at 7.30 and get home at 6.30, I have no choice and they have a phone. I am, and they are lucky it isn’t every single day.

FierceFireFairy · 15/10/2026 18:47

Can you just not swap child sitting with another parent then you can go out?
Surely they would rather be at a friend's house anyway.
I think I was 13 when I was home alone, then again I had a Saturday job and was fairly independent person at that age.

Moonnstarz · 15/10/2026 19:01

yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath · 15/10/2026 17:42

@Moonnstarz i can’t say for sure of course but I would assume the majority do. I’ve certainly never heard a child say that they have a parent or relative coming in regularly.

It wouldn’t be a regular thing at all, it’s just nice to think of a time when I’m not as beholden to times as I am now.

So it sounds like an assumption they are left all day alone. I think maybe you would be better asking as my friends don't go round broadcasting their childcare arrangements and it might pop up in conversation, like arranging to meet up and friends saying they can't do that as working/kids will be with grandparents so they won't be free either. Or that they can meet up as doing flexi hours for the school holiday and then go on to say they will be working in the evenings to make up the hours.

Also your point was to go shopping and not to work. Do your friends really do this? Go off out for the day without their kids? My son hates shopping but I still think he would want to come along and look in certain places (and for me to buy lunch).

PurpleThistle7 · 15/10/2026 19:28

I think my kids are fully capable of looking after themselves for a day - they make their own breakfast and lunch already, they have plenty of things to do and all the screens everywhere. I just wouldn’t do it if I could come up with another option as they wouldn’t want be on their own for an entire day. They aren’t old enough to both make their own plans and come and go at will, and staying in the house for an entire day just so I can do whatever doesn’t feel worth it. For a half day or a lunch time or for an emergency or work fair enough, but otherwise I’d rather just come up with another plan or wait for the stars to align. Super different situation though as I have a husband here so we can swap round.

GintyMcGinty · 15/10/2026 19:50

Wildgoat · 15/10/2026 17:16

Right, and none of them use wrap around care. Ok,

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I also don’t know anyone who uses childcare, wraparound care, holiday clubs for secondary school kids and don’t know of any provision locally that caters for that age group.

mamaof4losingmymind · 15/10/2026 19:52

Depends on the kid my 12 year old is way more responsibile then my 15 year old no way I ould leave her in the house alone.

SwirlingAroundSleep · 15/10/2026 19:57

The thing with 14-16 is I wouldn’t necessarily leave them if they were likely to meet up with friends or get up to no good if left unsupervised (e.g. drink, drugs and sex) so I would play that one by ear depending on their personality rather than anticipating it’s a safe bet you can leave them at that age.

mamaof4losingmymind · 15/10/2026 19:59

SwirlingAroundSleep · 15/10/2026 19:57

The thing with 14-16 is I wouldn’t necessarily leave them if they were likely to meet up with friends or get up to no good if left unsupervised (e.g. drink, drugs and sex) so I would play that one by ear depending on their personality rather than anticipating it’s a safe bet you can leave them at that age.

This is the exact reason I won't leave my 15 year old in the house alone all day.

BugJuice · 15/10/2026 20:00

PurpleThistle7 · 15/10/2026 19:28

I think my kids are fully capable of looking after themselves for a day - they make their own breakfast and lunch already, they have plenty of things to do and all the screens everywhere. I just wouldn’t do it if I could come up with another option as they wouldn’t want be on their own for an entire day. They aren’t old enough to both make their own plans and come and go at will, and staying in the house for an entire day just so I can do whatever doesn’t feel worth it. For a half day or a lunch time or for an emergency or work fair enough, but otherwise I’d rather just come up with another plan or wait for the stars to align. Super different situation though as I have a husband here so we can swap round.

Yeah this is my position too. They’d be fine I’m sure, but if there was another option (going to a friend’s house, hockey camp etc) then I’d rather do that.

Hmcs · 15/10/2026 20:10

my eldest is pretty sensible
During Covid I would leave her at 10 years old for 1-2 hours to go for a walk
she was in online lessons with a teacher
after that we built up as necessary
she was walking to school and back from 11
until she was probably 14 then we would comfortable leave her all day when at work
now she’s 16 and we just left her for 3 nights to go to away
she had friends over 2 nights so she want alone the whole time
and my mum and friend both live within 1 mile
she has the option to stay at my mums with my 8 year old but didn’t want to
she absolutely loved having the house to herself
she had to feed and walk the dog every day

my 8 year old will probably never be left alone
I’d come home to destruction

Didimag48 · 15/10/2026 20:16

My Dad was away all day, working in London. There at the weekends but did nothing to help!

How old would your children be before you left them for a day?

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