Do any parents use 4 weeks unpaid parental leave each year when returning to full time work?

[ThePoisedOpalBird]

I am potentially getting a full time job. I wont lie I am really struggling emotionally with this as I have only worked 2 days a week since ds1 was born but life is expensive and my partner is keen for me to earn more now my mat leave from ds2 is due to end so we can save to buy a house.

I have been looking at holiday allowance, bank holidays etc to see how to optimise my time with the kids.

Has anyone used a large amount of their unpaid parental leave to take extra time off each year?

I am thinking of using 4 weeks a year to boost my holiday total and increase the amount of time I get with the kids.

Does anyone else do this? Do your employers mind? I figured with holiday allowance of 5 weeks and 4 weeks of unpaid parental leave I would be almost doubling the time I get off with the kids which might help alleviate some of the sadness I feel about leaving them.

I took two weeks every summer and so did several of my colleagues.

Then I will just take my pre-planned holiday unpaid. I have done this previously in jobs.

Where are all the men that take unpaid leave from their minimum wage jobs to care for their children?

You might be happy with a world where women are deemed fit only for minimum wage jobs and childcare but it’s not the world I want for my daughter at all! She has two high flying but equally capable and committed parents which can only be a good thing. ME MAN, BIG JOB: YOU WOMAN, WIPE NOSES should have died out by now, don’t you think?

I used to use it in my last job. I don't think my employer was overly happy about it but it also didn't damage the relationship. I took 4 weeks, and would regularly take unpaid leave and hoc days which they were happy with. We didn't have large work loads though and my job was slightly different to others so it meant no-one was left with more work because I was off.

You have to use it in 1 week blocks so we generally use it for planned holidays and use normal annual leave for single day things. Eg I always take kids out of nursery for their birthday and generally take half day of holiday for school birthdays so I can be around before and after school.

I know there's a few replies and I've not read them all, but I used 4 weeks per year for around 5 years. I have 3 children and I was open with my boss and said that it would cost me £120 per day minimum, to put them in to various day care/clubs. I only earned around £80-£90 per day before tax & ni, so not getting paid would make me better off! I took 2 weeks in summer and 2 weeks at Xmas, and used my annual leave for the rest split with my husband.
1 thing to point out though that might not have been mentioned. You don't accrue holidays in those missed weeks, so might be down a few days on what you're expecting from you allowance.

I have just checked the gov website and you still accrue statutory holiday whilst on unpaif parental leave. If your employer offers above this then it is contract specific.

The only people I know who have used it are those who have had a one off thing like a death of close relative, relationship break down, sudden illness. If you don't want it for school holidays I expect it will be easier to do. I

Gosh OP. Just been reading your previous posts.

I think you need a reality check here.

You have huge debts, a partner that works nights and whom you won’t leave the children with because he is apparently incapable of caring for them. You were originally looking for a new full time role because you expected the relationship to end - and are not considering marriage for this reason, leaving yourself and your children incredibly vulnerable. Your toddler has challenging behaviour, you’re all potentially ND and you think you’re going to walk into a job in one of the toughest labour markets in a lifetime.

4 weeks unpaid leave is the absolute least of your worries!!!

The way to get around that is to use your annual leave if you want a day off a week or fortnight and use parental leave for eg annual or school holidays in one week blocks. Where I worked most parents with school age children used all their parental leave. That’s what’s it’s for, if you can afford it, why not use it?

Well hence looking to get a full time job so I can get things sorted and improve our lives 🙂

I'm a lone parent so used about two weeks of unpaid parental leave a year in school holidays.
Tried to save annual leave for random days and took some unpaid emergency leave days when the dc's were sick.

Yes all my carers leave (but was only entitled to 2 weeks back in the day) plus majority of annual leave for caring

My husband (a high earner) has started to use this, it is a little complicated due to how his shifts are organised but they have honoured so far the booking of two (separate) weeks but for one he had to change the dates slightly due to other booked leave taking priority, which sounds like it would be fine for you.

It’s all going to depend on the set up that you’re entering, as yes technically they cannot refuse but there are ways of making it tricky for you if it starts to be a problem. I think the key is going in with the right approach of doing it formally through HR but politely keeping your manager in the loop, emphasising that you’ll take it at the time most suitable for the team, being appreciative for their flexibility, etc. The first time or two I would give a loose ‘reason’ eg that your child is having difficult time, you technically don’t have to but I think it will make it easier to digest.

Also you are right about it being different to dependents leave and your legal right, but I would be prepared that they can probably find loopholes that stop you from taking quite as many as you want if it’s going to negatively impact on the team or making your role redundant to get rid of you

All the time. My DS is disabled so I get to take it in days rather than full weeks. Use it or lose it. Once hes 18 I'll never get the chance to do that again so for the sake of being a bit skint that month, it's actually priceless. You can't buy time, but you can take it guilt free!

Please remember though, yes you can have upto 4 weeks a year but its a total of 18 weeks throughout their whole childhood. So if you take all 4 per year, its really only 4.5 years that you can do this for. Maybe do 1-2 weeks a year so you get a longer period of time over which to use your full 18 weeks?

How is it a pisstake?

In my experience the practicality of juggling work and parenting became a big issue after school started. Before that you can book them into nursery. Age 0-4 fairly manageable.

After they start school it is 13 weeks a year no school (minimum). Also INSETs, days your kid is sick etc. I would save parental leave for the school years and do maybe 2 weeks extra unpaid leave per year for 9 years. You can request 18 weeks per child. Then after 9 years they’ll be old enough to leave home when you work in the holidays.

Also, I work in HR. It is standard to request UPL, people do it. Most employers will also have a policy about leave to care for sick dependents.

Look at flexible working options, once you are employed you may be able to do compressed hours or reduced hours. Also ask whether there is a policy about blended working i.e. sometimes working from home.

You’re missing the point. Feminism is about choice.

OP has made it clear that she wants to take the unpaid leave because she wants to spend extra time with her children. Her DP doesn’t not.

Both genders are equally entitled to it; just because one gender doesn’t not want it, does not mean that the other shouldn’t be allowed it.

Thanks to feminism, your DD is free to choose whatever career she wishes, including those that are well paid. OP is choosing the career that suits her.

Not every woman wants a ‘high flying career’, some find fulfilment in being with their children. Neither option is less valid than the other.

For those who think its "a pisstake" (LOL) , it was actually introduced to encourage parents to work rather than having to choose between parenting or working.

Reduce the benefits bills and increase taxpayers contributions - pisstake.
Let parents be able to manage both - pisstake.

Can't win 🤣

Nailed it! 👏
My husband uses to it too, so not really sure why PP is getting so capital-lettery about it!

Except its the other way round!
Having a fairly high flying job or a professional career can mean that by the time you have DC you earn enough to go PT and ensure flexibility

Why would you want to go FT once you have small DC?
Op has to work FT as she is on NMW
I dont know a single woman who had DC then went FT when their DC were small

You don't really make sense, you've had two kids in quick succession to a man you don't like and want to leave but you are so uncommitted to the job you are interviewing for! You want to go in to a small team and bring toxicity to the group? You say you don't mind not being liked but do you realise what that will feel like mentally for every minute of every day that you are sat in that office with people you've turned against you!

I worked in a team of 8 people until recently and it's not necessarily as easy as you think getting time off when you want it, they could be like my team where we were only allowed one of us off at a time and people ransack the calendar and it's a nightmare you squeeze something in from April to mid September! It was always nightmare, people were often signed off sick for a week or two, it's not easy getting what you want and when you want it.
You seem to want to piss them off by taking unusually high amounts of parental leave and then jumping to another job where you can do it all over again! You need to realise how hard the job market is! Don't be pissing employers off and expect to still be employable!

Hrft. Agree kids will get ill, but parental leave is a pre-booked, unpaid time off and not designed for this.

However if you end up using loads of paid leave to look after poorly kids, extending your leave with parental unpaid leave is a workaround.

OP doesn’t want to go FT, but accepts that it is a financial necessity at this moment in time.

You do realise that not everyone has the qualifications, capability or inclination to work above NMW?

Also, not all women wait until their career has taken off before having DC. Some people prefer to be younger mothers, some pregnancies are unplanned, some women have no intention of forging a high flying career at any point in their lives.

It’s a bit strange that you can’t see that life, motherhood and work are not a ‘one size fits all’.

DH and I both worked full time after my mat leave ended. DH could buy 2 weeks additional leave but I couldn’t. However, we’ve both used parental leave- 2-4 week blocks, sometimes adding holiday to it (never off over 4 weeks). Generally no-one has heard of it or wouldn’t use it due to it being unpaid but we were well paid enough for that not to be an issue. I still earned (and worked) more than part-time workers yet people seem surprised you can afford to do it, yet somehow the same people wouldn’t ask how you afford to be part time!
I only requested mine once I’d got my counterpart (less senior manager/a supervisor) confirmed available to cover the weeks, so it was always approved. DH has never had issues- IT role, covered by contractors I think.
just to give a more positive report- just because people haven’t heard of it, doesn’t mean it’s not a thing. We took long summer holidays. Happy to burn through it as we’re older and don’t intend to be both working long into the secondary school years.