Do any parents use 4 weeks unpaid parental leave each year when returning to full time work?

[ThePoisedOpalBird]

I am potentially getting a full time job. I wont lie I am really struggling emotionally with this as I have only worked 2 days a week since ds1 was born but life is expensive and my partner is keen for me to earn more now my mat leave from ds2 is due to end so we can save to buy a house.

I have been looking at holiday allowance, bank holidays etc to see how to optimise my time with the kids.

Has anyone used a large amount of their unpaid parental leave to take extra time off each year?

I am thinking of using 4 weeks a year to boost my holiday total and increase the amount of time I get with the kids.

Does anyone else do this? Do your employers mind? I figured with holiday allowance of 5 weeks and 4 weeks of unpaid parental leave I would be almost doubling the time I get off with the kids which might help alleviate some of the sadness I feel about leaving them.

I took 7 weeks at the end of my third mat leave, making that mat leave 14 months. It seemed worth it with 3 small children I wanted to be with. I took 4 weeks for child no.3 and 3 weeks for child no.2. I haven't needed to do it since, but would.

I don't have the space to be a childminder unfortunately and you are also only allowed 3 children including your own so it wouldn't be financially viable even if I had the space.

But no I don't want to leave my kids they are very young.

I don’t know anyone who uses it at the university where I work - but it’s generally quite flexible, many of us are pt and we can get 2 weeks unpaid leave a year. In my dept in particular, we can take a lot more unpaid leave as we’re overstaffed atm.

in fact I’ve been intending to use PL for the last 5 years but never have as I haven’t really needed it. I get 7 weeks leave a year so that covers a lot of holidays.

I don't intend to be working their by that point so i'm not too concerned about building a long term relationship with them. I am just looking for money and time off with the kids.

OP, this is madness. You clearly don’t want to work any more than what you already do- and there is nothing wrong with that honestly, they’re only little very briefly. You’ve applied for a job you have no interest in and resent even before you started. You don’t mind people hating you as you want them to fire you, so you can tell your partner you tried and can’t help it (and he will tell you to stop taking all that leave). The fact that you can lose a month’s pay per year implies it’s not a situation in which you work or you starve. Just tell your partner you’re not up for it yet, that you’ll keep looking for a job you actually want to do ft or a job that is 3 days a week and gives you plenty of time with the wee ones. Look how you can budget better; accept that your, hopefully shared, goals will take longer; discuss what you can do so the burden doesn’t feel so heavy for him and stay with your ones for the next 4yrs (it will pass faster than either of you imagines).

Do you think having a higher earning mother and the opportunities that affords your children might be beneficial for them? Especially if their father is disinterested in them and you’re not married…

It just might be worth considering the other side of the coin.

Reframe it. You are not abandoning or leaving your kids. It is an adjustment yes but you will be there every evening and weekends? You are getting a job to have more income for holidays etc. And support them longer term eg uni . And to pay into your pension. Espec as unmarried. You are financially responsible for yourself. Do your probation be a great employee then ask for the unpaid parental leave .
And remember kids grow up. Dont make them your absolute everything . You are you too.

And one day that may be important but at the moment what I value is time. I have an idea of the industry I would like to work in but at the moment that isn't available and time with my kids is more important.

I just need the extra income for now to keep my partner happy.

I’ve used two weeks in the past. My employer was fine with it since it’s unpaid and didn’t cost them anything, and I took it during August which is their quiet time. My line manager didn’t even know it existed until then though!

I wont be asking for the leave until after my probabation anyway.

What would happen if you didnt keep your partner happy? Would he get angry? Abandon you ? has he been paying into a pension for you ? Is he very high earner? What happens if he dies tomorrow in an accident are you and dc covered eg life insurance?

I mean this kindly,

In the future you might regret missing out on these crucial few years of career progression that you would be likely to miss out on if you’re away from the office that much. You and your partner clearly don’t see eye to eye on this so he probably won’t be very generous with child support if the relationship broke down. You are in a vulnerable position and you can hope for the best all you like but you NEED to prepare for the worst.

One of my friends/ex-colleagues she took 4 weeks of unpaid leave every year when her kids were smaller, not sure if she still does it now. It's perfectly legal and I don't think you should feel guilty about doing it. I do think you should expect mixed reactions from your team though, maybe less so if everyone is in the UK and others are doing the same, but if it's a European or US mixed team, the concept will be quite alien to them. I've only ever taken one week of parental leave, which was last Christmas, my line manager obviously knew I was taking parental leave, but suspect the rest of the team were none the wiser as to whether it was paid leave or unpaid leave, as none of them were working anyway. You are correct the leave has to be taken in one week blocks.

My husband uses 2 or 3 weeks most years (tech sector).

It's not a problem at all in his place of work.

Sorry but this is quite irrelevant to the OP’s situation. Your colleague was clearly batshit and completely unreasonable. Not really sure why any woman would be defending her or why you’re assuming we all will.

God no! But we are a team and if he is telling me he is stressed about money and being the main earner then I want to help that!

No we have no money to put into a pension and he isnt a super high earner. No life insurance besides his work one.

I just wanted to say OP, you've been very patient in this thread explaining again and again that unpaid parental leave is different to emergency dependants' leave! I'm really shocked that not only do so few people know their employment rights, but that so many have talked down to you as if their lack of knowledge is fact!

I've thought about taking it over the years, especially since I have two with additional needs, but I can't really afford to.

you might want to think about this approach “doesn’t bother me” please don’t end up being the person starting a thread in 6 months time because you feel your work place is toxic and none of your colleagues like you / involve you in anything. You will be spending a lot of your time at work with them and it’s no fun if you disengage your colleagues like this.

I don't want to progress in the role I am going for anyway as its not what I am interested in.

And not sure being out of the office an extra 4 weeks a year is going to make much difference to my progression.

Thankfully I have no interest in collegue relationships or being 'involved' in anything.

My ideal collegues don't talk to me unless needed.

I've used it in one role, as I didn't know about it in previous roles. I was only able to use it as my DP earns enough that it covered my downfall and I needed to cover the school holidays.
It's not the same as dependant leave or emergency carer leave but lots of people have never heard of it!

I hope it all works out for you OP, I also hope my posts didnt come across as harsh. Of course it makes sense to want to maximise your time with your kids, and fingers crossed you get an employer who is unfazed by your plan.

I considered childminding (i know you've ruled this out), cleaning (paid v well around here if you're thorough and reliable) and training as a beauty/nail technician at one point, because I wanted the flexibility to be there for my kids as much as possible and needed to bring in extra cash.

This is bs. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the @ThePoisedOpalBird using parental leave, it’s unpaid leave and a right for parents to use to spend time and care for their children.
I agree 💯 with the op , our children are everything, unfortunately a lot of us have to work a lot in this current economic climate and miss them to make money.
I couldn’t care less if my colleagues resent me for taking unpaid time off to care for my children, that says more about them than me and a job is a job, it isn’t about making friends. One woman in my workplace took time off to care for her sick mother, I didn’t think anything about it except wishing her the best . If they are parents they can also do the same thing .

So when you want planned unpaid parental leave, its frequently on the basis that there are other colleagues willing to cover it so you may need to rethink that idea. They don't owe you anything and you don't owe them but they could make life difficult if they felt you weren't a team player and the lower down the ladder you are the less sway you have.

It might not be the case, but I wouldn't risk it if I were you as you never know when things change or when a colleague with kids also wants the same time off as you, it could then come down to negotiating with your colleagues to get the best deal for you both.

Then knock yourself out I guess! Financial vulnerability clearly isn’t a worry for you which is fine as everyone has different priorities. I’m just glad you’ve thought it through and are doing what works for you. If you’ve got a good safety net e.g parents then I guess it’s less of a concern