In a crap situation where need to take time off work but feel I can’t because DH is home

[heymummyhey]

I am completely overwhelmed and stressed. It’s been coming a while and yesterday I just burst into tears and couldn’t stop.

I want to take time off work. I have literally never done this before but I feel like I’m spinning plates and exhausted from it all. However, I feel like I can’t because DH is at home and would not understand at all. To add to the complexities one of his mates is also staying with us and so rather than have two or three weeks of quiet and getting together I’d just be feeling like I’m in the way in my own home.

I know this is at least part of the problem!

Could you at least get a weekend or few days away in a cheap AirBnB or sonething.. or send DH & friend away! You don't deserve to feel in the way in your own home!

Can you go and stay in a b&b somewhere and be looked after a bit?

Strategic virus. Take to your bed.

Take annual leave and go on holiday? It’s pretty cheap at this time of year

Say to DH how you feel and he needs to ask his friend to leave.

Could you go and stay with family who could give you some much needed nurturing?

I don't think you can do this if you have already agreed to host.

I agree about going away- you can do this even off sick. Change and space might do you good.

If you are burnt out, you need to put yourself first. I would make a GP appointment and go from there. Tell them how you are feeling and that you think you may need some time off to recover.

Perhaps your husband's friend needs to find somewhere else to stay. I wonder if having someone in your space could be adding to your overwhelm.

Thank you. Unfortunately there is no way I could go away - it would be a major dent in already quite stretched finances and we have little children (one of the reasons I’m burnt out, not their fault of course!)

When you say your DH is “at home” - do you mean he is a stay-at-home-parent ?

Tell him how you feel and point out he doesn't need to understand it, but accept it. Friend needs to leave, husband needs to give you space.

In which I would say don't leave work- being at home, with a guest would be much more stressful.

Plus finance issues will compound problems.

Can you ask work for a late start/early finish and go and sit in a cafe/go for a walk/swim/ sleep in your car?

Could you even have one night in a premier Inn? You can check in at 3pm and checkout at 12.00- I have done this, it does help.

Feeling this way about your dh suggests hes a big part of why you feel so burnt out if hes so unsupportive. I dont know the answer but thats something to unpick.

I can’t unfortunately; the children need me. But thank you.

My plan is to be signed off but then spend most of the days in my car which is preferable to working; I just feel annoyed that I feel I have to do this just to get a ‘break.’

If you are unwell, then you are unwell and OH needs to accept it. You are doing the friend a favour so they need to accept it as well

It’s true but some of it isn’t his fault. (Some of it is.) DH is a complete workaholic and his job is definitely the third person in the marriage. Strange as it sounds I don’t mind when he works away but when he’s at home it becomes incredibly intrusive and everyone else ceases to exist and you just sort of exist around him.

He switched from mainly working away to working fully at home back in May due to serious and unlikely to be resolved health issues. This has meant I’ve been doing everything and juggling everything for months and I feel a bit traumatised from it all to be honest! But he wouldn’t understand as he is working despite serious illness, if that makes sense.

Why is he home? And why can his friend not go to his home?

I took to bed and gave no fucks when I found myself in this position.

I was mostly just asleep anyway, so I didn't care.

Take the time off!

Have you tried discussing it with your DH? What do you think he would say? Could you write something with the help of AI? Surely being able to speak to him will help massively

Why do you think your DH wouldn’t understand? You might be wrong. You’re clearly overwhelmed right now, wouldn’t it be better to talk to him and share your troubles.

Sounds like DH is the problem babe

It’s very concerning that your DH would not understand the enormous pressure you feel you are under and not want to acknowledge that and help or be supportive. He may be ill but he is not the only one going through stuff. Is there someone you can stay with? Friends or family? Just for a couple of nights?

Host? He can piss off it’s her house, things change and family comes first.

Yeah it sounds like he is the cause of your stress.

Sorry just saw your post about his illness and work situation. I do still think you need to talk with him though. I’m sure he will recognise that the change in circumstances has affected you as well. Is the friend staying long term?