Should school staff have to earn a pupil's respect before expecting politeness?

[Sweetchillysource]

Hi everyone

I am absolutely raging about a situation that happened at work last week. I am a secondary school teacher. I have recently taken over a year 7 tutor group. One of the boys in my form is behaving very poorly; not only towards me but around school in general. I am an experienced teacher so I’m not phased by this however I invited his mum in for a meeting last week to discuss my concerns, and to try and nip it in the bud.

During the meeting his mom made the comment that he was behaving poorly as the staff had not yet “earned his respect”. I can’t accept this. I explained that I appreciate that he’s new to the school and therefore he’s still in the process of establishing relationships with staff, however this does not mean that he could behave poorly and speak to staff rudely. His mum wasn’t happy with me saying this and stormed out. Later that day she logged a formal complaint.

My headteacher has now spoken with me and suggested that my comment about staff not having to earn this hisrespect was not appropriate. I refuse to accept that and maintain that this is a ridiculous expectation,

Surely the expectation is that we’re all polite and respectful towards each other when we first meet each other as opposed to having to wait until we’ve earned each other’s respect?? My headteacher wants me to call her and apologise but I am refusing to do that.

What are other peoples thoughts on this?

And this ladies, is why I left teaching.

I'm still absolutely amazed that the HT suggested an apology, especially nowadays when schools have to demonstrate the tightening of procedures.

This is utter rubbish. Your default should always be to respect people. To be honest, even if people don't respect you, you should respect them unless doing so would be bad for you. This is that mum can't be bothered to teach or discipline her child and so is making up some rubbish about why his behaviours is ok.

Respect should automatically be granted to ALL, then revoked when someone gives you cause to revoke it.

She is enabling her son to be a really good future asshole isn’t she

Headteacher is pathetic my God.

Not in a school but a youth environment, I had this in the early 90s with boys. Turn it round, what has he done to earn your respect. Badly behaved, rude, attitude, ..not exactly model student to earn the respect of elders. As him what has he done for his peers, community, the school. I think we all know the answer.

I wonder if @Sweetchillysource will be back

YANBU. I wonder how the HT would react if you were rude to him, then pointed out that he hadn’t yet earned your respect?

Regarding the child, could you rephrase it as “everyone has to follow the school rules”?

Yes a head that doesn’t back you on this… which is clearly just an explanation of basic manners and behaviour policy… is likely to not back you on anything else either

I retired last year from teaching after 29 years and 90% of why I retired was because of parents and their unrealistic demands and expectations.

Your head is totally wrong about this. I hope it gets resolved.

Well of course you are not wrong. Well done for standing your ground with the HT

Default human - and animal - behaviour is respect and group cooperation.

Those who disagree tend not to do very well in either sphere.

Silly mummy and daft HT. Poor awful child.

Ex teacher here. One of the reasons I left was this ridiculous pandering behaviour of Senior Leadership. Get on to your union now and do not apologise

Did you correct the HT that you didn't actually say "about staff not having to earn this his respect"?

You had said you had told the parent "I explained that I appreciate that he’s new to the school and therefore he’s still in the process of establishing relationships with staff, however this does not mean that he could behave poorly and speak to staff rudely."

I'd ensure the HT knows what you actually said as that's very different to what he has suggested you've said. It's important as the HT is clearly taking the parent's side on this, whereas what you actually said was perfectly reasonable and he really should be backing you on it.

I'd be standing my ground and refusing to apologise. If you do, that child will run rings around you for the next 5-7 years.

Totally agree with you OP. How ridiculous.

You are right in every aspect
Your HT is wrong and cowardly.
Talk with your union.

Your headteacher is spineless. I dont understand what they wants to gain from you apologising to the parent. Imagine if every student thought they could be disrespectful. How much behaviour management would you be expected to do?

I absolutely wouldnt apologise. Ultimately, you are the teacher and the adult in the room. He is a student. Manners and common courtesy is a minimum requirement. He needs to ve polite, respectful and professional to the staff and his peers otherwise I would implement and escalate with the behaviour policy.

There are many people who have not earned my respect, that is not an ezcuse for me to be impolite.

Your HT is a wally.

I'd probably keep the peace, "Mrs Parent, I sincerely apologise if you perceived my comment to be inappropriate. Let's start afresh move forward. Is there anything in particular I can do to support your son little gobshite."

The mother is just making excuses for her little prince's terrible behaviour. The Head should be backing you up not encouraging parents like this and their little angels

I’d be thinking that perhaps my head teacher should earn my respect before asking me to do something so transparently for his/her own work reduction What a load of bollocks. It’s only because society has currently gone mainstream with so much nonsense that we have begun to question ourselves about such things.

You’re totally in the right. Don’t back down else you’ll just be encouraging this kind of behaviour from parents and students. Tell the headteacher that this rubbish is one of the reasons why teachers are leaving the professions in droves.

I don’t agree with this stuff about ‘authority’, to me, no one is any better or more important than anyone else and I thoroughly dislike this. However, I personally believe that everyone deserves respect. I treat everyone I work with in the same way, the new part time person same respect as the CEO. So teachers should get automatic respect, as should all school staff and other kids. It’s basic in my mind.

Of course you are absolutely right!

Its very little to do with the manosphere and more to do with shit parenting dragging up entitled little shits.

I am surprised because this does go against the trend in schools nowadays.

No.

Talk to your union rep.