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Is life always this crappy

504 replies

sincerestwonders · 24/09/2026 13:43

Any one else feel like this but I dunno why my life has been just so hard lately for me and my 17 1/2 year old daughter. Last year I felt completely different, this year I feel burnt out and just bored and unmotivated. I have a guy who keeps coming in and out my life he works abroad so he isnt a stable presence but I feel stuck and dunno if any of you have similar life experience or advice as that would be so useful.
My daughter has not been to school since age 8. I chose not to keep her in school because of some of the things we encountered in her school such as staff pinning kids down in isolation rooms as a punishment and like harming "bad" kids by restraining them in the classroom, which I did not want my young daughter to see or felt was appropriate.
She has been home educated since then. At the minute she has 2 gcses, a 9 in Spanish and 8 in computing/ICT. Her maths and english skills are quite subpar to be honest. She is a good speller, yet struggles with reading long books and guessing the "intention" of authors which is what a lot of GCSE is about. Her maths is reasonable and probably key stage 3 level, not the best but GCSE math standards are so high these days. In the last year she has done a cookery course, several language courses, business administration basics and we were asked to do an art course which she bloody hates and has no artistic talent really but we are 3/5 of the way through that and she just cant think of ideas and hates it and obviously wishes she was doing something else. The obvious thing to do next is driving, but the theory test I dont quite know how to study for it seen as I havent driven since I was in my 20s cos we live in an urban area where we can bus walk everywhere. The other thing I struggle with is deciding on the gold DOFE program. She has done it for 18 months, did all sections and loved the volunteering element. Its done all bits except the Expedition, and honestly how is a weeks walking, eating garbage and carrying a 20kg bag up a mountain useful to the development of a young person? This isnt the 1940s. We originally did this with a dofe open award center. She attended 2 training days. On the first one she was assigned to a team of 5 other girls, all of whom were friends from that posh arse Hills Road college in Cambridge. They ignored and excluded my already friendless daughter and walked ahead. My daughter is 5ft 4 70kg and is not unfit, she does swimming and dance, but no way can she walk 20 miles a day like they suggested with a back breaking Army bergen. The idiots said the expedition was to take place in summer. Considering the heatwaves we have had its a recipe for sun stroke, burns and nausea. On the second day she asked whether she could have a parent see her at a particular point of the day or night as she is high anxiety and gets sick when away overnight from parents she can stay at nanas house without us but it seems being away at night without parents presence is traumatic for her. She went to mendip activity center last year and being away led to panic attacks and a drinking episode. They said no,okay, but I dont think they care about her needs. The food is another troubling element. They suggested eating those gross ration pack boil in a bag meals. My daughter wont eat them preferring fresh foods, and wouldnt eat any with meat in them due to concern of quality. She would have to handle bottle gas, flames, putting up a tent, no contact even a mobile phone with parents, possible injury, carrying own excrement, managing herself miles from anywhere at 17 YEARS OLD what is this SAS basic training? We had her walk 10ks every week, every time her feet would begin to blister and bleed she has size 3 feet for context with the bag on so I decided to leave that centre and look at these expensive private expeditions on canoes but she wont do that either. This has led to a lot of arguments with me and her dad who the dad says stop pushing and she has done enough already. The final issue is she obviously doesnt want to go to uni next year but she just cant think of what job/career to do and seems to have lost interest in anything. Sorry to rant but any help or suggestions would be appreciated.

OP posts:
NoisyViper · 25/09/2026 08:10

sincerestwonders · 24/09/2026 13:56

She doesnt have SEN but has high anxiety and her development is maybe 2 years or so behind peers she was a highly anxious child but it isnt her or my fault

It absolutely is your fault. Take some responsibility for the fact you have held you child back and she is now suffering the consequences of YOUR actions

Anjelika · 25/09/2026 08:36

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Pipsquiggle · 25/09/2026 08:54

sincerestwonders · 24/09/2026 17:28

A 7 year old lies on the floor of a room the size of a cupboard covered in bruises. This is a punishment for refusing to do maths or PE. The child is locked in the room for hours. The staff watch the child through the slit window in a door with a 1 way lock.
This is a normal UK state school. SEE WHY I HOME ED?

@sincerestwonders you see this is where I just don't believe you.

No, I don't know of any state school that would do this.
If this happened, the police would be called as it's child abuse.

But let's say this did happen, yes I would remove them from this school.
I would look at all the other local school options. I would visit with my DC and talk to the head teacher to check their safeguarding protocols

You seem to take no responsibility for taking her out of school, not looking at any other options, at any point e.g. at 8 or 9 or 10 or when going to secondary school. Why didn't you do this?

I don't know how she can get 8/9 in languages and computing but such poor results in English/ maths. She's obviously intellectually capable at harder subjects - that's on you and probably your lack of subject and teaching expertise.

And why, oh why would you repeat this fucked up situation with a younger sibling?!

You need to contact local schools / colleges for both your DC ASAP

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Harrysmummy246 · 25/09/2026 09:08

PenelopePinkerton · 24/09/2026 23:52

It’s pretty shit to be honest and way below average. What do you want people to say to that?

At least the GCSEs are English and maths.....

malefields · 25/09/2026 10:39

Constantrunner · 25/09/2026 00:08

Don't listen to those who say your kids lives will be crappy. They are still very young.

I agree, but only if DD one day wakes up and has the courage to leave her mother and experience the world.

I know someone like this and both her DDs are now adults who barely leave the house (and still live with their mum). Their were well adjusted children until she decided school was evil and kept them home.

ThisWiseRobin · 25/09/2026 11:23

XelaM · 24/09/2026 23:12

If this thread is real - what helped my friend's daughter get back on track when she went off the rails and quit school with no qualifications, was a youth church. Although it sounds a bit like one of those American crazy church cults, it has loads of teens and it's very inclusive of newcomers, ao a good place to make friends

I was trying to pluck up the courage to say this...knowing that most people feel the same way about church as Morris Dancing.
Churches are geared to welcome everyone. They have youth workers in the bigger churches, provide stability, guidance and a gentle social life which your daughter might appreciate.

Look for a church near to home, and don't necessarily be put off if it's not packed with youngsters. Its the age most reject church, but come back later. Friends can be any age and some wise guidance would go a long way.
She does not have to be a believer at all. Church front doors are wide.

GreenWheat · 26/09/2026 05:33

This is why "home education" needs tighter regulation and shouldn't be allowed automatically. I am gobsmacked.

Constantrunner · 26/09/2026 10:51

GreenWheat · 26/09/2026 05:33

This is why "home education" needs tighter regulation and shouldn't be allowed automatically. I am gobsmacked.

I am not. Home education tends to be done very very well or terribly. There don't seem many in the middle.

OsfameronTanamoril · 26/09/2026 10:56

I am baffled how OP is apparently so terrified of schools when her kids haven't had anything happen to them in schools.

BigYellowBus · 26/09/2026 12:56

OsfameronTanamoril · 26/09/2026 10:56

I am baffled how OP is apparently so terrified of schools when her kids haven't had anything happen to them in schools.

The story about the child who was beaten up and locked in a cupboard or whatever sounds like exactly the thing older kids tell younger ones to terrify them. I'm old enough to have been at school when corporal punishment was still a thing and, as a mixed infant, I was convinced there were daily floggings in the junior school...Thankfully my parents needed some actual evidence before they withdrew me...

grinandslothit · 26/09/2026 13:07

BigYellowBus · 26/09/2026 12:56

The story about the child who was beaten up and locked in a cupboard or whatever sounds like exactly the thing older kids tell younger ones to terrify them. I'm old enough to have been at school when corporal punishment was still a thing and, as a mixed infant, I was convinced there were daily floggings in the junior school...Thankfully my parents needed some actual evidence before they withdrew me...

Exactly this or they have a habit of watching fearful news stories or reading rage bait articles to the point where they become fearful of the world even though nothing has happened to them

OpheliaHamlet · 26/09/2026 15:56

BigYellowBus · 26/09/2026 12:56

The story about the child who was beaten up and locked in a cupboard or whatever sounds like exactly the thing older kids tell younger ones to terrify them. I'm old enough to have been at school when corporal punishment was still a thing and, as a mixed infant, I was convinced there were daily floggings in the junior school...Thankfully my parents needed some actual evidence before they withdrew me...

…the being locked in a cupboard, all bruised up -

Isn’t that a punishment from Roald Dahl’s Mathilda?

Constantrunner · 26/09/2026 16:02

OpheliaHamlet · 26/09/2026 15:56

…the being locked in a cupboard, all bruised up -

Isn’t that a punishment from Roald Dahl’s Mathilda?

Edited

Yep. I heard horror stories as a kid that were not true.

DoNoTakeNo · 26/09/2026 17:15

Does anyone think that the OP is hearing a penny drop, as a result of insights from & comments on her thread? I hope she is listening to the sounds that penny makes.

Does anyone think that she will admit, or even do anything about, the self-created trauma of her daughter as a result? No, me neither. Heartbreaking.

Harrysmummy246 · 26/09/2026 17:25

DoNoTakeNo · 26/09/2026 17:15

Does anyone think that the OP is hearing a penny drop, as a result of insights from & comments on her thread? I hope she is listening to the sounds that penny makes.

Does anyone think that she will admit, or even do anything about, the self-created trauma of her daughter as a result? No, me neither. Heartbreaking.

No, that would imply a level of logic and insight that has not been displayed in a single one of their posts

DoNoTakeNo · 26/09/2026 23:47

OP where are you?

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 30/10/2026 15:40

Your daughter has missed out on developing resilience and on gaining enough gcse to move onto college. I dont think home ed has worked out that well for her. She struggles with independence abd social skills. These are things most kids gain going through school.

LivingForTheWinter · 30/10/2026 19:49

DoNoTakeNo · 26/09/2026 23:47

OP where are you?

She's started another thread!

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 30/10/2026 21:03

You are seriously neglecting these children.

Cheesehound · 30/10/2026 21:38

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Cheesehound · 30/10/2026 21:57

I still stand by what I said above. Your daughter deserves better.

Missey85 · 31/10/2026 07:28

Your the reason why people shouldn't home school your not a teacher! And now you've screwed up your kids chances! I hope your happy with yourself

Restlessdreams1994 · 31/10/2026 09:00

You set her up to fail right from a young age and now you’re complaining that SHE’S ruining YOUR life? That’s just awful.

Her “high anxiety” is almost certainly a result of being constantly exposed to your anxiety: too anxious to let her go to school, too anxious to let her do a DofE expedition etc.

The best thing you can do for your daughter now is get her some decent therapy so she can work through it all and hopefully repair the damage.

ItalianChips · 31/10/2026 13:31

.

Thisismetooaswell · 31/10/2026 14:46

LivingForTheWinter · 30/10/2026 19:49

She's started another thread!

oooh - what's it called please?