So, pil told dh I had a man around the house when he was at work…..

[PowerRangerGoGo]

Was at home with toddler, call from pil they said who’s there with you?
i said it’s just me and dd

then he asks me again
again no reply just is two

fil replies
I can hear a man’s voice …..

i realise he’s probably talking about a you my dd is playing with in background
like a shop type toy

what would you make of that?

From your DHs perspective he sounds indifferent to them really. He's used to their shit and doesn't pay it much heed. But having them vaguely in his life is his version of normal and changing the status quo is hard and painful.

It would take an 'event' for him to find the motivation to want to have a row, challenge them, reduce contact etc. If you need him to defend you, and are very upset and angry about this, you could make this that 'event' if you wanted.

But, that doesn't have to happen now or ever. You can decide for yourself not to allow them in your life in any way and your DH can maintain his version of normal until he freely and independently chooses do do something else.

Nailed it

Your DH needs to tell them to pack it in.
And you need to feel absolutely free not to pick up the phone to them any more.
Stirring, rude twunts. Have they got nothing better to do?

I’d be telling Dh to have a word and he’d be putting them right in their place on my behalf.

That’s a really good point, even if there was a man here, which there wasn’t, it wouldn’t really be any of their business could be a brother or friend or neighbour

My pil ( now ex ) saw my car outside my work . They put a note saying they knew who I was and really liked me etc .

I found it when I was going home and put note in my jacket pocket .
Showed it to husband as didn't really now if maybe I should worry I'd got myself a stalker and often finish work late when the car park is empty .

Few days later they phoned him and asked if I'd said anything about coming home in the past few days .
Pil and ex husband thought it was hilarious and they were obviously trying to catch me out .
Never forgiven them and a few years later their son is now an ex so win win all round .

Yes he kinda deals with them by shutting them out and never giving them a reaction, but he’s had this all his life with them, we were together 6 years before we married and I actually used to think he was exaggerating how bad they were.
i think I’d feel guilty if I said he has to cut them off and worried he’d end up resenting me
but they are so odd in so many ways, like they will even say to a toddler oh you look like you’ve lost weight?! Honestly it’s bizarre as if a toddler even know what weight is

i think your right too

Don't engage with them, no answering phones, no visiting your home and definitely no visits to them. They don't trust you, don't respect you or your marriage. Let them wallow in their fantasy world.
Let your husband deal with them going forward.

Make plans to move away from them as your jobs allow. I'd most definitely reduce contact between them and your DC and heavily supervise it when it occurs. Not all grandparents are a positive influence on a child. Some grandparent relationships are simply harmful

I agree with everyone else; stop taking their calls.
I know it's not the point of the thread, but just out of sheer nosiness, what was he phoning for anyway?

He's ignoring their strange comments so you can too. No need to do anything else. You already only invite them round when DH is there.

So your husband told you what they were like, you didn't believe him, and thought you knew better than him, about HIS family?

How awful.
Your poor husband.
So disrespectful of you.

Well now you know.
I would give a long hard think about your behaviour, and how disloyal and disrespectful it is to think you know better than your husband, about HIS childhood and HIS lived experience.

Your husband deserves better than this from you.

Why did he call in the first place? Does he regularly call to ask if there's someone else there?!

It could be the entire population of Buenos Aires and it still wouldn't be any of their business. Literally just ignore them.

Stick to your guns on this. Keep as much distance as you can.

They wouldnt be setting foot in my home again. Tell them to go and fuck themselves then block them

Tell them it must be your resident ghostie. 👻 Then let all their calls go to answer phone.

They're clearly deranged. So why on earth are you engaging with them when your husband doesn't? You're asking for drama and bother. Stop it.

That would be the last time I ever answered the phone to either of his parents.

I would seriously think about going low or no contact with them. And would never let them near the kids unsupervised.
They sound absolutely mental, and clearly egg each other on.
I do feel genuinely sorry for your husband, image if they were your parents!

What was the purpose of the original phone call from PIL? Do you answer and thy launched into 'who's in the house with you' off the bat, or was there general chitchat and then he asked who's there with you?

Yeh just don’t answer the phone. They are crazy. And if they then leaves messages just show them to your husband.

You "think" they "tried" to…

Not quite the same as what your OP says, then…