Is anyone awake?

[ThisAutumnTown]

I’m sorry to bother you all but I could use an ear.
For the majority of my life I’ve struggled with mental health but for the last 9-10 years I’ve had a good handle on it and have been stable.
The last 3 days something has switched and I’m struggling and feel awfully depressed.
I don’t know what to do or who to talk to.
I just want it to stop.

It's not easy. I hope you can get some rest. Have you tried mindfullness to help relax? YouTube has a lot.

have you tried setraline? First week is rough but it’s a game changer. Been on it for years it’s the best thing I ever did for my mental health,
what have you tried to make yourself feel better? What hobbies do you have? What’s your routine life? What’s your goals ? Your dreams? Are you inspired easily

@ThisAutumnTown here if you need to talk x Samaritans are very good listeners x

Hi OP could you talk to one of the mental health helplines? We are here, but we are not best placed to help you substantially. Do you have people around you in your house?

You poor thing. I’m all for medication these days. Life can be tough and no one should have to try to get through it feeling so low. Make an appointment with your GP and get something to help while you look at therapy options.

Thank you for replying everyone. I’m sorry to take up your time.
I’ve tried every SSRI and none fully suited so was put on Clomipramine about 12 years ago and it’s been a life saver.
My whole attention goes on my children and husband but recently, once the kids are asleep, I’ve been drinking to de-stress but it’s got to the point where I feel I can’t relax if I don’t drink. I feel guilty and ashamed most of the time.
a few days ago I fell into this dark hole and I can’t seem to get out. I don’t know what I should do.
tomorrow I’m going to spend the day resting and then I’m going to try and pull myself out of this.
I’ll call the drs tomorrow. I don’t know what support they’ll be able to offer but I need help.

Don't excuse - I think a lot of us know how it feels. It's okay and good to share our thoughts.
It sounds like a good thing to talk to your doctor.

You're not alone x

The dark nights always make me feel a bit down. Taking a vit D supplement has really helped. 💐💐💐

Is that also meant to be a stress reliever?

I have low vitamin d levels but wasn’t sure if that could be a factor. I have some supplements somewhere so I’ll find them in the morning.

No. Low levels have been linked to low mood, depression and anxiety.

https://www.webmd.com/vitamins-and-supplements/what-to-know-about-vitamin-d-and-mental-health

It really affects me and it's a cheap and easy thing to try. I really hope it helps!

Thank you for suggesting it! I wouldn’t have considered it otherwise.
I’m willing to try anything. I feel like I’m losing the grip on myself.

Ask your doctor. They may run some blood tests.

Thank you 😊

Hey OP.
I hear you over needing a drink. Sadly though alcohol causes or worsens depression so you could be doing yourself more harm than good by drinking most nights.
Can you talk to the doctor about the drinking from the depression angle? Ask if he/she has any healthier tips to wind down instead.

Wish you well and I do hope you get some help. You've done really well over such a long period of time, massive. Try to look at this as a wobble, not that this is where you're going to stay. Hugs.

Thank you.
I’ve half-heartedly had a look at support for stopping drinking but haven’t committed to anything. I want to stop but I don’t know what’s holding me back.
My husband likes a drink at the end of the day so it’s so easy to have one too. I feel that if we stopped together, we’d be successful.

Also check b12 and other levels. Actually read the results as many are in range and automatically reported as normal by doctors, but if you actually look at the ranges, your results might only just be slightly inside.
<bitter- learnt through experience and could have improved health much, much earlier but trusted the “normal” result >

Hi Op, i dont have any words of advice like pp. Just saying I'm here too. Feeling rubbish but here regardless. It'll be okay.

The thing with booze and your medication is that the booze can stop it working, plus actually cause you physical health issues because you shouldn't really drink much while on anti-d's. Put together that booze alters the brain chemistry and really can cause issues with depression too, so you possibly could be getting it from both angles if you catch my drift.
I am not against booze, please don't get me wrong but with your history of mental health and your medication, I think you do need to look at it a little more than half-heartedly to see if that's what's pushing you over.

Please talk to your husband, hopefully he will be understanding and support/join you in a dry spell, until you can figure out if alcohol is making you worse. Am sure it won't do him any harm either, having a few dry months to start?!

Best of luck with everything going forward, I hope you find some help soon. It's a horrible place to be in and hope you're back to you soon.

Please tell him this. If you can’t do that then show him your posts…you’re showing us that you are vulnerable and that is a hard thing to do, but it is also the best thing.

Doctors tomorrow morning, talking therapies ASAP, and share with your husband or a friend that you trust. EVERYONE struggles at some point in their life, you’re at that point but you can get out of it.

And please please empty the bottles out of your house, less boredom drinking is so helpful to managing moods and anxiety/depression.

wishing you well 💐

I hope you feel better soon. I’m sure we’ll both get through this xx

I’ve been there, OP. Honestly, it wasn’t until I stopped drinking at nights that I realised what a big contribution the alcohol was having on the depression. I mean, it should be obvious but it wasn’t. The meds never work as well when you’re drinking with them. Totally understand about finding it hard to relax.

It’s not easy resolving these problems. I’d start with your GP. It sounds like you’re stuck in a bit of a viscous cycle and you need to find a way to decompress that doesn’t involve alcohol. It’s so hard, though. I was having issues with insomnia so now I take medication and go to bed really early which means there isn’t really any time to drink.

Thank you @Happyjoeand @Boreded. I’ll speak to my husband tomorrow and ask him if he can join me in going sober for a while.
I’m going to stay sober this whole week and get myself a treat at the weekend to keep me
on track.