My husband and I are both in our late 30s and have a 4.5-year-old daughter. We live near Leeds, in a nice-ish village. My husband is considered a high earner — his income before tax, etc. is around £140k a year.
Our monthly outgoings are roughly £1,200 on the mortgage and £1,500–£2,000 on bills, groceries, gym, classes, etc. Everything else is saved or invested. We're debt-free apart from the mortgage. All our money are in a single account.
I had a pretty good career before I had our daughter. I stopped working to become a full-time mum, although I did some freelance work for a bit of fun money and, if I'm honest, for some sense of self-worth. Our daughter started nursery two mornings a week when she turned two, more for the socialisation than anything else.
When she turned three, I thought I'd have a go at getting a part-time job and landed a role at a regional organisation. The job was perfect: just three days a week, with the flexibility to work from home most of the time. It meant sending our daughter to nursery three days a week, but she really enjoyed it.
I took home around £1,500 a month. Half went to my husband to put into savings, and I spent the other half on groceries and fun things, days out, treats, etc. I absolutely loved my job. It gave me a sense of purpose and independence.
Unfortunately, due to a company-wide restructuring, I lost my job in July.
My husband said it was fine. He actually preferred me as a full-time mum anyway, as I was sometimes too busy to cook proper meals (maybe once a fortnight!), and he pointed out that we didn't need the extra money. I was also grumpier thanks to work!
However, now that our daughter has started Reception in September, I've found myself wondering: am I even still a "full-time mum"?
Worse still, we'd committed her to three days of after-school club because, at the time, we didn't know I'd be jobless! I initially wanted to take her out of it, but seeing how much she likes it, we might just continue. She only goes for an hour or an hour and a half — she doesn't stay until 6pm.
I know I sound like a brat, and, to be honest, I don't really know what the point of this post is. I know I'm incredibly lucky to be in a position where I don't have to work. I'll also be getting rental income from a flat I bought before I got married (my sister is living there rent-free until next year, when she moves out).
I've been applying for jobs, but the job market in the North is bleak. My freelance work has dried up, and my attempts at becoming my own boss (I tried to run my own consultancy) were, frankly, hopeless.
I guess I just feel like I'm not contributing much to the family.
I do the school runs, cook all the meals and do all the chores, but I still feel like I need to earn money. I don't have many hobbies apart from reading and gardening, and I don't really socialise much because most of my friends and fam live far away. Im introverted so I'm happy to just chat with my friends online anyway.
My husband is supportive and loving (although he can be a bit chauvinistic!), and he's a great dad.
Anyway, that's all. I just wanted an outlet to get this off my chest. Thank you for listening!