ADHD and procrastination

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I've obviously clicked on too many articles because my FB feed is full of short posts about all the ways ADHD manifests in middle aged women.

I've never for a minute thought any label might apply for me, but some of these really resonate.

Quiet, high achieving child, always looking for approval - continuing into adult life.

Puts everything off, can spend all day doing nothing, then writes essays at the last minute as a word dump but still gets good results. Yes, and still the case for every report I've ever written in a long and fairly successful career.

Spends all day waiting for an appointment/meeting late in the day. I'm full of good intentions for what I'll do with all the time beforehand but don't/can't apply myself to them.

Makes endless well intentions lists about what to do with a day, but unless there's a hard deadline won't follow them through.

I seem to bumble through life, wasting loads of time, but never missing a deadline and somehow impressing people with what I do turn out (quantity and quality).

It's only recently I've realised that this might not be 'just human nature'.

Or is it? Do most people carry on like this or might ADHD be a thing for me? If so, is it worth being diagnosed at 56?

Yes, he did well enough academically and was never a problem behaviourally, so they didn't think there was an issue. The fact that he never really had a friend was just because he was quiet and happy in his own company 😪

ETA I probably accepted that because he was a lot like me at that age and no one had ever suggested I should be diagnosed - although I have learned to be more sociable as an adult, I still find it difficult and I'm not good at maintaining friendships.

He works. He's a model grandson, regularly doing chores and DIY for my disabled parents but he has no friends or hobbies and doesn't engage with us on any personal level. I am every worried for when I'm not around for him.

Quiet and high achieving are never markers for adhd imo not to say that you can't be those things and have adhd. I was diagnosed at 42, end of 2017, so before tik tok adhd self diagnosis became a thing ... Nowhere in your post have you mentioned chronic mental health and are addiction issues, which knowing a few fellow adhders is pretty much always the case, no gp will refer you for a diagnosis based on a few niche symptoms or personality traits. But if they do and you do get a diagnosis it makes zero difference at this stage, meds might help, but not with those symptoms or traits, they target the areas in brain that help with concentration and again its not just about concentration or being a naughty child either. Autism seems more likely in your case. Might get a bit pushback from people on here, but when ur surrounded by idiots on social media trying to convince the world they have x y and z, its exhausting and does ur own self esteem no fucking good at all.

Each trait is on a spectrum. It you have enough traits at the extreme end, then you will meet the threshold for ADHD. One of tbe skills of the diagnostician is to recognise what ls normal and what isn’t. Example: (silly example to make my point clear) - patient A complains they forget their house keys yesterday and another time a few weeks ago. Patient B complains that they forget tbeir keys twice a week despite having reminders on their phone, a sign to remind them on the front door and tbeir mum also tells them to take their keys. Patient B has ADHD and A often gets phone calls as they are leaving for work and this causes them to sometimes forget important things like their keys,

Not all of the meds are stimulants, just saying.

If there is a spectrum i guess we are all on it ..... Are you being serious? Do you have any idea how insulting that is? I suppose everyone is a bit dyslexic then or a bit dyspraxic or perhaps a bit schizophrenic... ffs. No wonder theres teens making tiktoks about this kind of shit, when supposed adults are coming out with fucking nonsense....

A spectrum will capture a wide group of people. I did not label autism or adhd as a spectrum. Other people did that. If it is not do not call it one and say people are on one.

@Eatingricecrispieswithafork I am sort of aware of this but I know that quite a few are incompatible with my migraine meds. I'd need to have a doctor check all that out but I'm not wouldn't totally rule out medication if something fitted if I ever get a diagnosis!

You said if theres a spectrum then we are all on it, there IS a spectrum that people with adhd are on, not everyone who shows a trait is on it as adhd is a complex nurodivergent condition. Saying everyone is on the spectrum minimises the condition and its dangerous and shows zero thought for those affected

Good, please try and get a diagnosis and access the help you need.

Hi OP, I could have written your post; I'm very similar. I'm 62 now and also wondering about whether I should look into a diagnosis and whether it would make much difference at this stage of my life. I managed to keep most of life's balls in the air until I hit perimenopause, then the wheels came off quite drastically. I also suspect that I'm autistic as one of my adult DC is and we are very similar.

A lot of your working style feels very familiar to me... but I scored 3 and 1. 4 seems to be the threshold of "seek further diagnosis" so seems like it could be worth exploring for you?

you have just described ME. Since I turned 43 I just can’t function at all. It was triggered by death of my mum - very stressful as I’m her only useful family member (db is overseas).

I am probably going to get sacked for missing deadlines in current job but I cannot bring myself to care

I have every sympathy for those who very much do have such a condition.

I don't disagree but also genuinely don't think he's unhappy. He's very content and happy with his own company, progressing well at work.

Interesting, mine became much harder to manage after DH died, one of the reasons I retired early. I think lack of focus is a recognised grief thing though, as well as an ADHD symptom.

He is isolated, but not unhappy. How is that different?

No, I am employed on a casual contract.

This is a very thoughtful reflection, and many women begin to recognise these patterns later in life. Whether or not it is ADHD, seeking a professional assessment could provide valuable insight, clarity, and a better understanding of how your mind works.

Hey! Quiet high achiever here without serious mental health or addiction issues, but definitely have ADHD. And yes it was stuff on social media that was my "a-ha" moment I am afraid.

I am absolutely confident I have ADHD, not just because I have a diagnosis but because my DS has ADHD (which impairs him significantly more than it impaired me at the same age) and I can see the very clear commonality in how our minds work, we are wired the same way.

I don't know why you think that medication won't work for OP - I know a few people who are medicated who feel it's massively improved their lives.

Getting a diagnosis has helped me make some really significant life changes and helped turn myself around from the edge of a breakdown

Although I think the "everyone is a bit ADHD" thing is usually recited in away which isn't very constructive, I do think there's some truth in it - there isn't a simple binary between being "neurodivergent" and "neurotypical" with everyone who is neurotypical being perfectly attentive, organised and effective.

Many people will have some level of difficulty with issues around attention, impulsiveness, concentration etc some of the time and to some degree. The clinical profession have taken a view at what point those difficulties in combination amount to having what we call "ADHD". Some people will only be marginally on one side of that line and some will be marginally on the other. And the diagnostic criteria have changed over time so the line has moved.

It's understandable given the amount of ADHD-scepticism at the moment that people with ADHD want to gatekeep their experiences along the lines of "neurotypical brains just wouldn't understand" - but in reality many people can have ADHD-like traits even if they don't fully meet the clinical definition of having ADHD.