‘Soul mates’ - preferably bad stories 😂

[Gtfghd]

NC for this as I feel like a love struck teen and it’s so embarrassing.

There is a man who is literally perfect for me in every way.
Like if I had to write down a list of things that I’d want in a man, it would literally be him.
We both have very similar jobs, interests etc (which is how I know about him)

He lives the other side of the country and so it’s not something I’ve ever tried to pursue and he doesn’t know I exist 😂

The issue I have, is that I have fancied him for years and anytime I try and date someone else they don’t compare to him.

I tried finding out more about him, but the more I did, the more I found out we had things in common, so it just made it worse.

I decided to stop being so ridiculous and just take the plunge and message him but then found out he has a young child and potentially a partner and so obviously he is completely off limits.

But still no one seems to compare to him when I’m OLD - not talking about looks (he’s not even that good looking) and he doesn’t have a high paying job etc but just when it comes to the same interests etc.

So if anyone has any stories to make me feel better - like how they thought they’d met their soulmate and it didn’t work out etc (you can say good stories if you want to too 😂)

Do you even believe in soulmates?

My DH and I have been together since our teens. We are best friends and have been very very happily married for nearly 30 years.

People regularly comment on how unusually in love we are.

We have nothing in common. Not jobs, not hobbies, not personality. Not even politics.

I don’t believe in soul mates.

I thought I met my soul mate before dh. Adored him, we had the exact same interests and would chat for hours and hours expect when it got to the sex part it just felt morally wrong like I was shaging my brother or something. 🫥🤣
We are still very good friends and chat all the time but it's platonic soul mate friendship for sure.

Me and DH don't really share interests apart from one thing, we aruge about politics and he loves forcing me to watch horror films when I would rather watch a historical film but I love the bones off him we have been together nearly twenty years.

That’s really interesting!!

I have been single for many years apart from a few flings.

I was a teen single parent and I’ve never really had the time or wanted to start a relationship until recently but when I’ve been on OLD I always look for those who have similar interests to mine, as I assumed they would be a better match for me.

There are 8 billion people on this planet, the idea that there is one perfect person for you is a nonsense.

😂😂 that’s funny you should say that as I have lots of good friends that are men and we get on like a house on fire but there is no sexual attraction there at all.

I seem to struggle to find many men that I’m actually sexually attracted to.
I’m not bi-sexual, I just think it’s likely that I hear so many horror stories of men that it just turns me off them 😂

I always though you needed to have lots in common - very interesting

OP, confirmation bias is at play here.

Make a list of things about him that prove you are not soul mates. I'll start it off for you: He doesn't want to live in the same place on the planet as you do - he chooses somewhere hundreds of miles away. He doesn't want a relationship with you - he has a small child with someone else and a partner by the sounds of things. Not sounding ideal.

Having a crush on someone so obviously unobtainable, and defining it as soul mates - that's the issue I'd deal with. It sounds emotionally immature - that's not a slur. I mean - you need to mature emotionally to recognise that real relationships rely on both people being equally interested in pursuing eachother, and not limit yourself to what amounts to a crush, which is an extremely emotionally safe state to be in, making you unavailable to real men who you come into contact with every day.

A soulmate is not necessarily the best match.
You can have someone on paper with the same interests, backgrounds and passions but physically turns out there is no spark when you finally get to it.
A soulmate where you are very similar people can also mean you share the same flaws. Later on, it transpires you may well have fared better with a more practical person who gets things done rather than someone who procrastinates as much as you do.
Finally, all relationships need nurturing and hard work. Changes of circumstances, stressors, children, menopause, sickness, bereavement all take their toll. It does not matter how similar a worldview you have or how romantic you once were or whether you share the same love languages or not when life gets in the way.
What you appear to have is limerence. Mr Right/Mr Dreamboat/The perfect man.
I think you should not "settle" necessarily, but I don't believe in The One. Or The One Who Got Away. I think you could probably have a decent relationship with 9/10 people you met, provided you want the best for them when life gets sticky.

Another vote for nothing in common spouse. I.married a football mad gamer as a bath and a book kinda girl. He is awesome.

On paper we wouldn't pick each other. I don't get the soulmate thing. The reality of the real person will make or break that ideal you have created of him

I think when you like different things there's actually more to talk about! Dh likes reform I like labour we are always chatting away about who has the best policies and stuff. If I read a good book and they make a movie of it I can suggest it to dh when he hates reading. Etc. So don't go for just interests matches.
Only thing we actually have in common is enjoying the boxing, he boxes and is a gym freak and I would rather die than that go to the gym. 🤣 but I do help him with his diet in that sense and love watching boxing matches.

Weird City (Jordan Peele) "The One"

No. Soul mates is a load of absolute wank.

You need to convince yourself his breath smells and he has stinky feet he likes to rub all over the furniture.

Have I fixed it for you? 🤣

Yes soul mates is probably a bit of an overstatement considering he doesn’t even know I exist.

Him living far away - it’s an area I’ve always wanted to live and planned to move to - so that was another tick in the box in my mind.

The young child and potential partner is a very new finding (I’ve known about this man for a good 5 years) - that is something that I’d never want to get involved in, even if he was single as my DC are older now and don’t want to go backwards.

That makes the idea of OLD incredibly difficult.

I obviously want to be physically attracted to someone but that isn’t a very big deal to me and so I just look for men who have similar interests to me.

😂😂😂

Part of me wants to meet him just to hope that’s he’s a horrible person or has something about him that immediately turns me off.

He can’t be perfect because no one is and so I need to think of things that I hate and convince myself that he does those things.

I would never try and meet him though because I imagine he might be 10x better in person and then I’m screwed 😂

How did you find out about and then learn so much about this person who has no idea you exist?!

How have you known him for five years if he doesn't know you exist?
It sounds a bit like a celebrity crush type of attraction. You know some facts about him and his life and you're colouring in the rest and creating an ideal man in your head. The reality of who he really is will be absolutely nothing like the idealised version you have in your mind.

You’ve never met him and he doesn’t know you exist?! Is he famous??

So you've never met him and he has no idea you exist but you've decided he's your soul mate? Are you OK hun?

The thing to avoid is people who have diametrically opposite interests to you. If they are keen on white water rafting and rowing the Atlantic, and not only do you get seasick but you can't even swim, that person is not for you. 😂

he doesn’t even know I exist

part of me wants to meet him

I read your OP thinking this was someone you used to know reasonably well but had ended up living far from, like an ex colleague or something.

You've never met him??

I can’t imagine anyone actually genuinely believes in soul mates as a concept? In the truest sense that there is only one person in the world for you. I’d have an exceptionally low opinion of anyone who really did!

Also need more details on how you know so much about someone who doesn’t know you exist!

He can't be the only man alive with similar interests to you. I've never done OLD so I don't know how the profiles work, but surely you can put on yours that you'd love to meet a man who is passionate about XYZ - and list the things that matter to you.

FWIW, DH and I have very similar interests and beliefs - not entirely but a massive overlap. If we didn't, it wouldn't work. A lot of our attraction is based on enjoyment of shared actiities - discussing them, planning them, doing them. So I totally get you wanting this.

No he’s definitely not famous! 😂

He is not rich or very good looking.

I think that makes it harder as he’s just a normal guy.
If he was some rich, hot celebrity then he’d be completely unattainable and easier to see as just a crush but he’s just an average guy who is passionate about the same things as I am.

We work in the same (pretty niche) industry and basically he does a lot of the training.

The training is on teams and so wouldn’t know us individually but he gives a lot of talks about his life and experiences etc.

As part of my role, I work with his company and have to be in regular communication but just through emails and purely professional.
So he probably knows my name but nothing about me in a personal sense.

I then got involved in a charity that I was very passionate about and then a few months after I got involved I found out that he was also involved in it - again he often does a lot of training and meetings, but to multiple people on teams.

Our paths cross quite often but only in a professional sense and never in a way that we’d actually meet in person.

See on OLD everyone I am half interested in seems to have the complete opposite interests as I do.

The amount of men who say they want a partner to go mountain climbing with or something and I’m like that’s definitely not me!

Or they’ll say they’re into heavy metal music and I can’t imagine having such different music tastes.

The ones who have any similarities to me are ones I’m not attracted to, they want to have DCs etc or they seem off like talking about their ex or in an ‘open’ relationship etc.

I am not someone who cares about how much money they make, how tall they are, how good looking they are etc (within reason). I have dated a doctor and someone who worked in Tesco. So I don’t think I’m fussy.