‘Soul mates’ - preferably bad stories 😂

[Gtfghd]

NC for this as I feel like a love struck teen and it’s so embarrassing.

There is a man who is literally perfect for me in every way.
Like if I had to write down a list of things that I’d want in a man, it would literally be him.
We both have very similar jobs, interests etc (which is how I know about him)

He lives the other side of the country and so it’s not something I’ve ever tried to pursue and he doesn’t know I exist 😂

The issue I have, is that I have fancied him for years and anytime I try and date someone else they don’t compare to him.

I tried finding out more about him, but the more I did, the more I found out we had things in common, so it just made it worse.

I decided to stop being so ridiculous and just take the plunge and message him but then found out he has a young child and potentially a partner and so obviously he is completely off limits.

But still no one seems to compare to him when I’m OLD - not talking about looks (he’s not even that good looking) and he doesn’t have a high paying job etc but just when it comes to the same interests etc.

So if anyone has any stories to make me feel better - like how they thought they’d met their soulmate and it didn’t work out etc (you can say good stories if you want to too 😂)

Do you even believe in soulmates?

I absolutely believe Dh and I were meant to create a life together. I guess you can call that a soulmate if you want to, though that isn’t a term I’ve ever used.

But I just don’t know how you can think someone is your soulmate when you haven’t really even gotten to know each other or by comparing tick lists on paper. On paper, Dh and I are probably quite an odd pairing. We are complementary more than we are similar. It’s our personalities and our values that are similar, but I never would have known that just looking at his social media or whatever. What people present to the outside world is not actually who they are. You have to go through some shit together before you can know you are truly for each other.

when I met my DH, it was like I had known him before. He felt so familiar. He said the same. Been married 20 years. Complete opposites but soulmates

Respectfully, OP, he’s not your ‘soulmate’, you’ve essentially got a crush on your online teacher whom you’ve never met.

OP, this isn’t real though is it? You’ve essentially fallen in love with a fantasy. You know stuff about this guy, you don’t actually know him, have never met him, you only know the kind of person he is, so if you put that into an OLD profile you might be able to find something closer to home. The only reason why you’re attracted to this person is because you’ve had some distant communication. But the fantasy is the same.

FWIW while I don’t believe in soulmates, I do believe that there are people out there who in the right place, right time, could be the one, but that doesn’t make it happen.

I met someone about two years ago who fits all this. We have so much in common it’s scary. We have similar personalities, we chose the same names for our children even, from a friendship perspective we just clicked.

In a different world I don’t doubt that we could have got to know each other better and had a relationship, if we’d maybe met sooner etc.

But right now? He’s married. He has no idea how I feel about him and he never will. And even if he did, it’s not something he would ever pursue but I wouldn’t go there regardless.

So while on paper he could be the one, in the real world it’s not meant to be. And that’s life.

Meeting him did make me finally realise that my own relationship wasn’t working so I ended it. It was already on the verge so I didn’t leave my partner to be with or pursue him, but I did end it because falling for someone else meant that my relationship clearly wasn’t working.

Yes I think soulmate is the wrong word.

I was going to say perfect man but then no one’s perfect.

I would say we have almost identical views in every thing - which from reading this thread isn’t necessarily a good thing and perhaps opposites really do attract.

It absolutely is a fantasy you are right and the intelligent, adult part of my brain knows that.

I have tried looking up his social media more in the hopes of finding something that puts me off him but every time I do I end up finding something else that I like about him 🤦‍♀️

When I go onto OLD it just makes me like him more as I’m not into any of the ones I’ve seen - which is why I thought I’d start a thread because I signed up to OLD again and the same thing happened.

It has helped knowing that someone so similar to you, is not necessary a good fit though.

I married my soul mate. Absolutely adored him, we had everything in common (despite an age gap), he was good with my kids, everything was fabulous.

Until he decided that I was not HIS soul mate and he decided to bugger off to follow and try to date another woman that he was 'in love with' (she did not know anything about him and they had barely spoken). Because I loved him so much, it nearly broke me completely when he left.

So, yeah. Someone might be YOUR soul mate. Doesn't mean you're theirs.

Isn't this just good old fashioned lust.

I don't get it. You must be an adult but you're talking like a kid who doesn't know that people need proximity to get to know each other's real personalities: flaws and positives. You just gave the headlines: hobbies, interests etc. That doesn't mean a thing. You are interested in the fantasy version of him. You're filling in the gaps of his actual daily behaviour and that's not healthy.

You could live with him for a few months and realise he annoys the hell out of you. I'd focus on people you know in the real world.

There's no such thing as soulmates - why would there be? Is it in a bible? Is it under scientific investigation? Is there an evolutionary advantage? You learn from past experience and then find someone who is compatible with you. Then, you work hard to actively make your partner happy and they do the same for you.

Statistically, some people will get lucky and find a partner quickly who they're compatible with. It's luck. That's all.

I find that reassuring. It puts the responsibility on us to make a partnership work and I trust me more than some random mystical force.

Oh no that’s awful 💔💔

I’m so sorry to hear that!

And yes, I definitely think it’s why I’ve not reached out to him before now because he may not like me back - there’s also the distance and the fact he’s so tied to my life and it would be very awkward if things were to go wrong.

Yes hence the first line of my thread! Lol.

And I think part of the issue is relying on OLD where you don’t rely on proximity - you see their likes and dislikes, chat for a bit and then decide to meet and see if there’s a spark.

Its very unnatural but there’s no option for me to meet someone in real life (I wouldn’t want to meet someone that is friends with friends, who I meet in a pub, who shares my hobbies in real life etc)

I am very comfortable being single and I don’t ‘settle for less’. I’d rather be single than force myself to be with someone who I’m not that interested in and so I struggle to find anyone that is worth my time when I enjoy being alone or with friends.

I have been single for years. I’ve met people online and in RL and still no one compares to this man and I find myself unintentionally comparing other men to him.

It is nice to hear how many posters do not shares hobbies and interests with their partners though as me and this man are almost too similar.

Thank fuck there's someone else, I was wondering if we were odd. Apart from our football team we couldn't be more opposite. Music is our biggest divide him techno noisy shit, me real music with an actual guitar and drums. It's lasted 17 years so far.