What do you and your partner do in the evenings?

[HurdyGurdy19]

We've been married a very long time, have no children or pets at home, so just the two of us. My husband is retired, and I work three days a week, and will retire in March next year.

We are pretty healthy, and fairly fit, given our ages (mid-late 60s)

We get along ok, and love each other, but I feel we have just fallen into bad habits in the evenings.

My husband spends a LOT of time on his computer - playing games and watching YouTube. At least 5 hours a day, both daytime and into the evenings.

I do 99% of the cooking, and aim for us to eat at about 6 - 6.30pm

After that, he's on the computer (which sits in the corner of the room, so he has his back to me, and headphones on, so can't chat, etc)

I tend to read, doomscroll my phone, or have the TV on in the background. I do watch Coronation Street, which is 8.30 - 9pm, but would happily catch up on it later.

We don't go out in the evenings, and really only go for walks together, on the days I'm not working.

I feel we should be doing something more constructive, and wonder what other couples do with their evenings.

We eat together (much later than you) and chat. Then usually watch a TV programme together. In the summer we sit in the garden and have a barbecue. We go to a Pilates class together once a week. We don't go out much but what we do do we do together.

I watch telly and doomscroll, he's either out gigging, rehearsing in a studio somewhere, or upstairs playing one of his far too many guitars.

Go to the gym, I have choir practice, he has a running group. We have one night a week ‘in’ doing house admin and one where we have a dinner with both mums, taking turns to host.

When you say you don’t go out in the evenings, do you mean you don’t want to? That obviously limits your choices a bit.

We go to the gym and then cook and eat together so by the time we tidy up in the kitchen it’s usually after 8. If it’s a weekday we might then have tea or coffee in the garden or we often have a TV series on the go so might watch an episode. We have both got separate local voluntary commitments so about once a month or so we might be out separately for those. Some nights we just like to go up and have … an “early night” 😁

If it’s the weekend we will still often cook together but something a bit more involved. We walk to our local pub or have a drink/ something to eat outside at home. We like the outdoors so in the summer will go for a walk, cycle or different watersports (we’re lucky we can do this from our doorstep pretty much).

We have a few friends and neighbours locally so probably about once a month or so we have folk round or go to theirs. Usually this is together but I also have some friends who I’d see on my own.

DW threatens to ration my phone use - and, in a way, I get it.

But - I'm not sure what would replace it..

I hate most TV these days - reality shite etc.

Plus I hate talking about people I have never met..

Late 50s, together coming up 40 years. I still work (teacher), he WFH. We cook, eat, watch telly, go to the pub, go for a walk, go up the allotment. He has a study though and I have a desk in the bedroom. Sometimes we'll disappear off into our lairs if we're busy (maybe 1-2 times a week).

Mine is a big reader. I sew / crochet a bit. He does the majority of the cooking and general day-to-day housework. I do the shopping, laundry.and deeper cleans.

We go out both together and separately. We're not really the joined at the hip type, although we do always go to bed together.

The allotment is our go to place, together but quiet. Often we stop for breakfast in the garden centre and it's not unknown for me to spend time napping in a hammock.

he will warch tv in the living room. Huge football fan a d the older kids will join him.

dont bother me at all. Ill go for a walk, whack a headtorch on and go.

stick youtube on a d do a step class or Pilates. Ill go to the gym, gave a bath and a skincare night or just watch tv in the other room. I also like going to bed early to read and i tend to have 7-8 hours a night. I work full time and enjoy my time at home

BTW i think he’s retired too early and is bored. 5 hours on a computer is a lot

does he fancy a few hours work ? A reason to leave the house?

i can foresee nothing will change once you retire

Mid-50s, together for a million years, one teenager at home. If we're both at home, we will cook, help DS with homework, all watch whatever TV programme we are currently watching as a family (currently Traitors Ireland and The Rookie), etc. Otherwise we go to the gym separately or together, DH has regular work socialising events, I sing in a choir, see friends, go to a gig or a film, have a regular group event fortnightly, have mutual friends over etc.

Each to his own etc but that would drive me up the wall. We both work part time. Evenings are busy. After dinner we are out most nights until around 9.0-10pm. Both in two choirs, one together and separate ones, husband is in a band and we have another hobby that occupies us together a few nights a week six months if the year. We have family for dinner once or twice a week. We both read, do craft work/ garden, walks and bike rides. We watch tv a bit before bed.

We eat together around 6.30 - 7.00 once he's washed up and tidied kitchen we watch tv together, if its sunny we sit outside and chat. Weekends we often go out together usually pub related, he brews beer so if we are not out we sit and have a beer together at weekends.

We have one night a week ‘in’ doing house admin

What does this involve? Intrigued!

We also don't have children but do have a dog. We both WFH, but from home and a bit younger.

In the summer, we are in the garden till late- picking veg, fertilising, stringing up beans/tomatoes etc
In the evening, I sometimes stew up fruit, make pickles/jam etc

We mainly watch TV/a film in the evenings. I crochet/knit in between scrolling through MN!
DH goes to the pub about once every 2mths. I could go too, but its mainly all men and I'm not interested. In the summer I might occasionally go when some of the wives also go.
We go out for a meal with friends in the evening occasionally or to see a show. Not that often though.
We also swim and walk, but its generally in the mornings.

This is going to vary with age group obviously. We are both retired so will be out during the day most days either together or alone with others. By the time evening comes we like an earlyish dinner - about 6-7 . We then catch up online with other people or our online hobbies. We watch TV together later. We may be out in the evening if we go to a comedy event or meet up with others but not that often.

Thank you. Very varied responses.

I think we need to hold a "summit" and try and work out a compromise whereby we actually do stuff together a couple of evenings a week, rather than just sitting in the same room.

I know this isn’t particularly helpful but we’re mid 40s and we are basically the same as you, and we’re happy with that. We usually watch an episode or two of a series we’re watching on Netflix or whatever and then scroll on our phones. Dc are 14 and 23 and just tend to do their own thing, popping in to chat a bit and mainly in their own rooms. I guess if you’re unhappy then it’s worth trying some new stuff but just wanted to say - for balance - that a lot of us are happy with this sort of set up and it’s normal for a lot of people. We’ve been married 16 years.

I don’t think it’s remotely normal for someone to sit for hours on a computer every evening with his back to the other person in the room and headphones on, incommunicado…

If we’re both in we do the same. We do both work full time though. I go to a choir one night a week, brownies another and try and do an exercise class. I have a book club meeting once a month. He will rehearse with his two bands, go to a gig with his mate once a month.

Yeah I guess maybe that’s a little different to us because we’re sitting on sofas scrolling / talking / watching tv, so maybe we do have more interaction.

We have dinner then retire to the living room. He spends 40 minutes finding something to watch. Watches it for 30 seconds and falls asleep. I have learned not to sit too close as he does a nodding dog impression and has accidentally head butted me. After an hour or 2 or 3 or 4 he wakes up and says my god is that the time.

Neither do I. What's the point of being with him?

we tend to watch tv, read, listen to podcasts. He has a hobby which means he's out once a week and some weekends. We go to a group together once a week. We walk a lot. I don't do a lot on my own but he used to have a very very full on job which meant I was alone a lot so now I enjoy spending more time with him.

Different situation as both work full time and have kids around but we watch a series together, go for a walk, or go to the pub to watch a band or meet friends. Sometimes go to a friend's house. In your shoes OP I would look at some local activities you could do together - sport, evening class, choir, am dram, etc.

I do a lot of reading and studying as I'm doing a postgrad, and DH reads and watches Netflix. We go out separately a few times a week to gym/hobby classes, and once a week we'll go out together to see a play, gallery exhibition, concert or something like that.

We have teenagers so it’s a juggle of dinner, housework and taxi services to the children.

2 nights a week I have a gym class, he runs 2 or 3 week nights.
We eat together, between 7-7:30, I mostly cook because I enjoy it. He clears up.
DH might go and game for an hour or less while I watch Eastenders, we chat or we nearly always have a drama series on the go which takes us through to 10:30ish, we both still work so that's usually bedtime.

DH might go on his PC for a bit or we might read.
We eat out or go for a drink a couple of times a month.
Cinema, theatre or a gig, every few weeks too.