How can I handle an overly chatty and nosy neighbour?

[SeaShellShore]

A lady moved into the village I live in approx 15 years ago. She's older than me so we are completely different. She is retired. I work full time. I say hello to her when I see her. The problem is she will stop and try and latch onto me.

She never made any friends because she's too much and too intense. It's the way she talks too. She talks and asks things completely inappropriately and she's just so so so nosy.

I remember one time seeing her at the bus stop and she sat beside me going to town and she never stopped talkimg once. It was awful. She was non stop.

There was another time I saw her at the bus stop and I lied to her and said I left my card at home and waited for the next bus.

Last year I had a hair appointment in the city and I had to go on the bus and she was at the bus stop. She sat beside me. The exact same experience. No stop talk and asking questions non stop of everything and anything and how much I get paid, what are my bills like, etc.

I didn't see her for a long time and then again this morning she sat beside me. The same thing. Even taking a fake call on my earpods didn't stop her. She just won't stop talking. She talked about things that are current affairs and everything, she even talked about R-ape stuff.

It was just so so so so bad. I dont mind chatting for a few minutes but she is non stop.

I was getting messages this morning too so I had my eyes on my phone and trying to reply to messages but she would not stop.

It is honestly migraine inducing.

I am supposed to be working later but I want to go to the pub to throw some spirits into my mouth.

How will I handle this situation again if it happens again. Will I make excuses and get the next bus? What if I have an appointment? I am half thinking about carrying a notebook and pen and if it happens again wrote a note to say that I lost my hearing. Or better yet print a small card at home that is wallet size for my phone case and say that I am newly deaf and can't hear again and give it to her.

I do experience ear problems and I did lose my hearing before from sickness but it came back again. So it wouldnt be a huge lie as such.

Why don't I get an earlier bus
Or learn to drive
Or just move if she sits next to you
Or just say can you stop talking for a minute I'm trying to concentrate
Or tell her off for asking nosy questions
Sometimes these people just need telling

You could let her get on first and say "I won't sit with you as I have work to do." Then sit somewhere else/upstairs and pretend to work

You could just ignore her, but it depends if you are comfortable doing that.

I encountered a nosey twat when I was waiting for my car to be serviced. I was doing some work on my laptop and he just wouldn’t shut up with questions, stubborn git. I didn’t even look up to acknowledge him. He got the message in the end.

I've got a neighbour like this,I avoid the bus stop where she usually gets on,if she's on the bus on the way home I get off first and hurry home,I've been doing this for 8 years.

If she's nattering on that's one thing, but if she's talking about sexual assault, asking what you earn, being very inappropriate and intrusive like that, then honestly she must have the hide of a rhino. She's not going to take hints, I think you're going to need to be really blunt and say 'I'm not comfortable talking about this, can you stop please'. Get visibly offended, tell her off.

Can you walk to the next bus stop? She won’t stop, unfortunately, so you will have to say, “I have some work e-mails to answer so I’m going to sit somewhere else” - and if necessary, sit next to someone so she can’t join you. As a PP has said, you will not get anywhere unless you are actually rude, so perhaps avoidance is the best tactic.

Even taking a fake call on my earpods didn't stop her.

That's ridiculous that you didn't just tell her you're in the middle of a phone conversation and then stand up and walk down the bus if necessary.

For all the other times, just grey rock and zone out.

Sounds to me like there's a possibility she might be ND and has a lack of social awareness.

I was going to say the same thing. I'm autistic and years ago I heard the advice that when you meet people it's polite to inquire about them. I met a new person and asked questions as I thought I was being polite and doing the socially acceptable thing. I heard from another friend later that she thought i was incredibly nosey! So she might just be trying to be polite. Also, if no one in the area talks to her perhaps she's lonely, she is certainly isolated and takes the chance to talk to someone with both hands?

I think you should just go with the flow - it's only a bus ride now and again and not as if she is knocking on your door all the time.

One day you might be older and living alone and be glad of someone to chat to for a short time.

Honestly I think you are being a bit precious and intolerant.

Let her get on first so she doesn’t sit with you. Or if you get on first sit by someone else so she can’t sit next to you?

It was 45 minutes of a bus journey and it received nothing more but an interrogation into every aspect of my life along with talks about current affairs and a sexual assault that was reported in the news and her tlsing about how a strangers life is ruined because she awas r aped.

Of course to some degree I care about current affairs but just not like this.

There was no let up. There was no respite to her talks even when I took a fake call, she expected me to continue listening to her.

It was like my head was battered and my ears assaulted without anyone ever putting a finger on me to attack me physically.

It was very very very hard and completely stomach churning.

I have an underlying condition and the stress of it, had my belly cramping. I was breaking out ina sweet with sickness and she still wouldn't stop or even ask me if I was OK.

It was too too too much. Her loneliness should not be my issue to sort out. She needs help. She tried to force herself onto other people desperately trying to make friend in the village but everyone found her too intense.

There was no respite to her talks even when I took a fake call, she expected me to continue listening to her.

She can expect what she wants, you don't have to oblige 🤷‍♂️

You cannot change her behaviour, only your own and how much you put up with.

"There was another time I saw her at the bus stop and I lied to her and said I left my card at home and waited for the next bus."

Sorry OP but this made me laugh, this is so something I would do as I’ve done similar. I have no advice though as I’m awful with things like this.

Get yourself a car, electric bike, hoverboard or any other alternative but avoid the bus. She will not change even if you say it bluntly.

The journey into my local city is too long for a bike or scooter and I won't be able to her a car any time.

Shes not always at the bus stop. This is the first time in about a year but still, it's was too intense.

It feels as if i have a hangover now even though I wasnt drinking. Thats migraine. I still had to push myself to go to work.

Amongst her interrogation of me and the current affairs crap she trauma dumped on me.

I wanted to say - I don't fucking care.

Another time, I was in the city going to the bus station to the station and I saw her ahead of me and no f%cking way was I going to get on that bus. I sat into a pub instead to wait for the next bus.

Just say to her you've got a headache please be quiet.

Reminds me of the time I met a local on the train. I don’t know him, but recognise him. Like your neighbour he started speaking at me and wouldn’t stop. Luckily I fell asleep but the moment he saw my eyes flicker he started again. So I then shut them and stayed like that till he got off.

If you see her again at the bus stop let her get on again then go and sit elsewhere rather than next to you. If you are already on the bus move to the aisle seats when you see her then if she comes to sit next to you move. Rude but necessary.

Noone understands it until your in it. I was trying to dose off as well on the bus but the bitch wouldn't let me close my eyes.

This wasn't normal. We are not friends and I just found it too intense from her. Anyone else and it would just a regular type of friendly chat for a few minutes like talking about the weather or whatever else. What I got was simply an interrogation because she wanted to examime everything about my home and work and everything else. I wasn't giving her the answers because it was completely inappropriate. I kept redirecting the conversation to everything about my cat.