Incentivising chores with pocket money - can it ever be a good idea?

[Verbena91]

I know the general consensus is that chores / household tasks should be considered a general expectation for our DC and that incentivising with pocket money sends the wrong message - and I see this. However I’m really hoping to kickstart my DS to do a few more tasks and wondering if pocket money towards a goal would help it become a new habit. He is 6 btw.

He is 6 going on 16 really, and not the type to volunteer to help, although has sometimes got into a few tasks with me like gardening and sorting odd socks. It’s more the regular things I’m hoping to boost this school year, like always putting his plate in the sink and always making his bed. He’s naturally quite messy. I thought if we could build a habit (eg each day you do x task you get another 20p towards your goal or whatever) it might help log it onto his brain a bit more.

I wondered if anyone has positive experiences of incentivising chores through pocket money?

I didn’t know that was the consensus, but then again I sub all the cleaning out anyway! I used to get a bit of extra money doing things like taking leaves etc.

My parents had us do chores and we also got pocket money, it wasn't explicitly linked though. It was more that we got x amount of money and that was it for the month and we had to budget and pay everything out of that bus fare, lunches (or take a packed lunch which we did), even our clothes and uniforms, we did get a lot more pocket money than other kids but we weren't being given a £5 here and £10 there and it really taught us to plan and budget with what we had i.e. if I wanted to go to the cinema with my friends at the weekend or a particular item of clothing. I would be mad to blow my money on sweets and magazines during the week. We'd have been a bit older though but it worked very well actually.

Pocket money being conditional on completing basic jobs each day such as making your bed and clearing away your plate etc is perfectly normal amongst all the parents I know. Extra money is able to be earnt on completion of other jobs such as pairing up socks, cleaning skirting boards, putting shopping away etc.

My kids have done chores from a similar age. They done daily tasks after school each day which earned them their pocket money on a Saturday.
One would do the dishes and one would hoover the living room. They took turns each, switching jobs each day.

My son, now 18, no longer does these chores as he works full time but he does have to walk the dog after work and he is expected (and knows to) clean up after himself.

My daughter, 17, still does the chores after school each day but I've doubled her pocket money as she does all the tasks now.

The pocket money value has grown as they have. Aka used to be for £5, then £10 weekly and now my daughter gets £20 pw for it.

I think it's been good to show them that work does have a value. If they want pocket money, chip in to the household work.

Occasionally, I would give them a list of more detailed stuff that needed done and ask them to work through it, for extra money aka
Big dog walk £3
Hoover stairs £2
Clean bathroom £4
Clear out kitchen cupboards £10

It was all stuff that needed done, that I didn't want to do myself. This approach got it off my plate and the kids felt like they'd still came out of it quite well rather than just being ordered to do stuff.

I think w have a very respectful household. They know everyone needs to chip in, they know the housework fairies don't visit and they know the value of money and work.

If you're working to build habits in that way, you don't need to link it to money. Can you link it to something else? So, every day after you've eaten, you need to say "DS you need to take your plate and cutlery and put them in the sink". Do it every day. Then stop saying it and only remind him if he looks like he's forgotten. What's the advantage in linking it to "and you'll get 20p"? The 20p comes after the "doing the job" and doesn't help set up the habit. Better to link it to an intrinsic reward if you are going to do this (he is being helpful and there is less for Mummy to do, so she's not so tired). Or even spontaneously say that because he's been so helpful with jobs this week he can go to the shop and buy a comic of his choice (or whatever) (but don't make this one an every week expectation).

Similarly with the bed making - the cue is that he makes it when he's got up, or after he gets dressed. Or whatever works with your routine.

I really don’t agree with paying children for being an active member of a community. What I think works is to have basic non negotiable jobs children have to do AND, unrelated, give them some money because we all need to have some money to exist in society. The two are unconnected. Once you have established this, there can be other, specific jobs that they can choose to do in exchange for extra money.

No money ever for routine tasks. If you need to bribe at 6 you are going to be in a very big mess by 12, 14, 16.

6 is too young to do chores unsupervised anyway.

In primary you make it enjoyable, a team exercise, something to get done together, in secondary you step back and let them manage it.

I think he's a good age to teach that the care of the home is something that belongs to everyone and not just one person and it is just part of being a family to do them. He can have chores that are his alone.

I think paying someone to do the chores sets that psychological tone that the chores belong to someone else not him but he's going to do them if he gets paid

You do them because you know that they need to be done it's part of having a household and a family you don't do them to get paid

Mine has set chores (signature chores as he calls them) but anything really extra and strenuous like a week of digging will get paid

Thank you! I’m not envisaging a week of digging or going up the chimney or anything as he’s only 6, but I think the idea of “extra” chores to earn pocket money sounds good.

That's the trouble with the "extra chores for money" approach with a 6 year old.
A poster gave the good defintion that this should be things that need to be done that you don't want to do yourself. There is very little that falls into this category that you can assign to such a young child, because they probably can't do the job unsupervised, and supervising and watching them do the job slowly and badly (and potentially redoing it later) is going to be more effort than just doing it yourself (although of course there's value in teaching your child how to do things but then the value is in learning the thing, not getting paid for it).

We give money for jobs but not for mess the DC make themselves like making their bed, tidying their room or putting clothes in the washbag. They get money for house jobs like hoovering, dishwasher and doing the bins.

We never linked the two, housework is all
of our job, DH and I don't get paid for it and I didn't want to get into the situation of them saying, I don't need any money this week so I won't bother (mine have always tended to be fairly frugal spenders). They aren't the tidiest people as young adults but they do their share of dishes, laundry, own bed changes, vacuuming, pet care etc.

It depends on the child. I have one who would just "nope" it. Trying to incentivise with rewards also hands them the power to opt out.

I never, ever, ever pay for chores, my 4 kids (well three kids as one is only 2), are expected to do daily chores as standard.

your 6 year old should be able to do a fair bit. Mine:-

Puts his plate in sink
Cleans up after himself if he makes food
Cleans the dinner table
Puts away dishes after they have been washed/dried.
Strips his own bed
Keeps his room clean
Does a bit of weeding in the summer

They can’t really do much at that age but as I have so many kids, every little helps 😂

I don’t agree he should get paid for doing things like putting his plate in the sink. That’s a basic expectation surely, as is making his bed. I’d say you could offer money for additionals like doing dusting, floor cleaning etc.
Maybe there should be basic pocket money that’s conditional on him taking part in family life like normal and meeting expectations so the play thing could fall under that, and if he doesn’t do these small expectations then there’s no pocket money. You could then incentivise the additional jobs with money.

I honestly can’t imagine having to pay my child to take his own plate away from the table.

By the time he’s fifteen how are you going to make that worth his while? A fiver? It’s madness. At school he will be taking his own plate away or tidying up his own packed lunch. I once told a parent that her son was slow to get started with his work because he couldn’t seem to get himself organised and get a pencil out of the pot. Her solution was that she could come in at the start of every session and give him his pencil.

Mine had specific tasks from quite early on. No money was exchanged. When they left primary they all had 75% of their child benefit paid to their bank accounts and they had to buy everything they wanted, including replacement uniform. They also had more household tasks. If they slacked, I’d occasionally withhold. Chores were framed as helping everyone out.

As adults they’re pretty helpful, mostly good with money and aware of what it takes to run a house. The ones at home are saving but they continue to be helpful.

I do this and it’s worked amazingly!

we have a whiteboard and some general tasks (that help me and ensure he does something)

He can earn:

25p making his own bed everyday providing I don’t need to prompt him even once

25p for clearing the table after dinner

50p for loading and emptying dishwasher

50p for tidily putting laundry away

He can choose to do them or not. However if he doesn’t he doesn’t earn his pocket money. It’s teaching him saving as he loves pokemon so at first spent it and couldn’t afford what he wanted and now he knows to save.

The things above aren’t even a discussion point, he just does them. As such as they’re now habit we have changed the targets to different ‘jobs’ - the old ones have stuck and learned behaviour now.

He is 9. Gets roughly £4 per week give or take. We use children’s revolut.

Mine have jobs to do and they get monthly pocket money. They aren't explicitly linked (I.e. I don't pay per job) but if they don't do their jobs I fine them which in practice means reducing their pocket money.

I do pay per job for things outside of the norm like cleaning the car.

Right now I have a monetary value per job for DS for extra jobs but that's because he is working off a debt (broke a car window) so every job takes one euro off his debt plus his pocket money goes towards it. Will take a while to pay off!

Our DC were expected to basic chores - clear the table etc - and got basic pocket money. We posted a list of extra chores - dusting bookshelves, polishing etc - with how much each one would earn them and it was up to them to do them if they wanted more money.

Thanks @PloddingAlong21Interested in how you square this with other posters views that this will send the wrong message about teamwork / daily tasks?

My son has a list of jobs that are expected as being part of the family e.g. lay the table, put plate by the sink, make bed etc. He was excited when we first made the list and added a few of his own ideas. It's been helpful to remind him when he forgets or is reluctant to do something "these are part of helping our family" He might still make a small fuss but then does the job and the next day I might notice that he does it automatically! That way that begins to become habits.

I started 20p a week pocket money when he was 6 years old. It wasn't linked to the jobs but about helping him understand the value of coins and money. He's now 8 and gets 50p a week. It's not much but I'm trying to help him develop a bit of a saver rather than spender attitude! He often gets much larger amounts from generous relatives and wants to spend it immediately on tat!

Every so often I offer him a bit extra money for helping with something (e.g. he helped his grandad wash the car wheels). He earned a nominal amount for doing the job and took pride in what he was doing.

At the moment this method seems to be working for us and the values I'm trying to instill.

My children are following the way I dealt with this issue, the little ones are 4/8/9

they get basic pocket money each week, their parents give them £2 each I give them another £2. They do basic chores, set table / clear table / help dishes / tidy their rooms for cleaning every Saturday, put their washing away (all sort age appropriate helped as needed).

they come to me 3 days a week after school, and do the same chores here which is why I give them £2. Note I say give not pay.

they all have to option to earn more if they want, each job is discussed and payment agreed, ie yesterday 9yr old helped me sort out the airing cupboard and put away the extra bedding from when I had visitors, the job took about 1/2 hour (we kept getting distracted) and she was paid 50p

i want to point out. They are asked todo extra chores without payment sometimes, ie help water the garden, if they ask how much they will get, the answer is they do it because we need help and they want to help, not everything earns money. I think if the chore is fun then they don’t get paid, also if it’s clearing away something they enjoyed ie sorting out the paddling pool, they don’t get paid that’s just life.

basically, each job is discussed and payment discussed, if there’s no payment they don’t have to do them job, but they are expected to help clear up after themselves.