Do you lend or gift money to your adult children?

[Nextones]

Hi,

for those of you with adult children, do you ever loan/gift them money?

if so, does it cause any issues- not repaying etc?

We have just agreed to give a significant sum to one of our children for a house deposit. They are single and there is no way they can ever buy anything without our help. Rent is so high for one person that it's money thrown away. It means we are having to do without some of the things we had planned, but there will be more money coming in the form of an inheritance hopefully. I don't want the tax man to have it so want to pass it on. We also gave a deposit to one of our other children as they have two children and were renting . Being moved on by landlords who decided to sell was causing such hardship, as was paying astronomical rent. Our other child is estranged and paying rent in a shared flat. We would like to help them but will not do so whilst they choose to cause us such heartache. It's hard to make everything fair, but I would rather die knowing they all have a roof over their head than have holidays in the Caribbean or go on a Safari.

We have also lent money to one child which they have paid back on several occasions and paid off credit cards for another. My parents did nothing for me and even now my remaining parent expects help but gives nothing back. We were given a deposit for our first house by DP's parents, they also helped us buy a car, but his sibling were given much more.

Yes we do, and we don't expect it back.

That's right. PP was talking about two people each giving £3k to multiple children.

@Nextones Why do you ask?

I give. My son (23) is on minimum wage and lives on his own (since 18) so occasionally do a supermarket shop etc. He did have a fender bender and they agreed to not go through insurance so I gave him the money for that which he is paying back £100/month. I’m selling a valuable painting this year and will gift both kids some money from that. My DD is still at uni and I don’t give her anything other than pay for her phone. She lives at home out of term time and has worked her summers and is very frugal. But we have gone away for a couple mini breaks and we are doing a workshop together which cost £180 so I think it evens up between them.
My parents would gift me the odd amount when they had a windfall, and they gave me the deposit for my first flat way back in the 80s. Not after I got a decent job though - I didn’t need it. But I knew if I ever got in to trouble they’d help out.

Ah that makes sense - my bad!

I only have one so I do help him out a lot but he never asks and it’s more like luxury’s not necessities

I just bought him and his partner a robo vac which they love and was I think 500

he got a deposit for there house from my late parents and money for newish car

if his car needs fixing and it’s say 1k I will give him 800 towards it

I never give him the full amount but close to it

No you were right before. You can each give £3k a year (whether to one person or split between multiple people) so £6k total between you. It's not £3k per giver per recipient.

(There is also a small gifts allowance of £250 which you can give to as many people as you like.)

I’m occasionally asked to put a large purchase on my credit card for them as they don’t have a high limit and it’s safer when buying flights etc., they always pay it back. They both received hefty deposits for buying a property (we wanted to move to a much smaller place so it was in our interests!) and I helped them both to buy their first car.
They no longer see their father who has remarried so don’t get anything from him. Like others I feel I have to compensate for that, plus it gives me enormous pleasure to help them if they need it. My mum was always kind and generous although she didn’t have much and I want to replicate that, especially as she’s recently died and I inherited half her house.

yes... especially bcz we spent a lot more on education of one DC than the others so am trying to catch up with the others.

No. They both earn much more than me and DH, so we've never needed to. If it all came crashing down for either of them, we'd give them not lend them whatever we could to help.

Thank you!

We loaned them money to buy a car - one paid back quickly the other is a bit more slack she chose to pay back a brutal amount every month so we have had a chat and resolved the pay back terms - so it working in terms of teaching her how to organise her money.

We have gifted money for deposits, travelling, a private op once, also loaned for cars as I don’t like them taking on finance, but we can afford it and I’d rather give it to them now when they need it and we can see the benefit, than hoard it all away. We luckily have more than enough to live on very comfortably.

Different poster.

I’ve given money. I’ve loaned money. They don’t need it anymore they have more money than me now.

My nan still sends me and all the grandkids £5 per week pocket money. She’s very pleased with herself that she now bank transfers it on a standing order.

the oldest grandkid is 40!

We have gifted house deposits to both our children, bought them their first cars but then my husbands parents transferred the cost of the cars to us so they ended up paying for them.
Both went through Uni and we paid for their accommodation and phones but they never ask for anything now.
My husbands parents have more than mine but although mine are also well off their attitude is it’s there when we die, we have never borrowed or asked from any of them.
if we go out or on holiday we pay for our children and partners and if we go on holiday my in-laws pay everything for us.
We are fortunate that we can flow the money down.

When I was young and had just moved out, my mum paid my credit card bill monthly. I put everything on the credit card and she cleared it each month. This was to boost my credit rating and also she could see where it was going and that I wasn’t just pissing it up the wall! This was incredibly generous and honestly set me up for life. As a proper adult now with kids, a DH and a mortgage, she treats me to things like my nice skincare etc and all out money goes into the kids, house and giving them wonderful childhood memories. If we’re going on holiday or something she’ll transfer me £200 to have a nice meal or something. I do appreciate this greatly and I’m very understanding that this is probably not the norm and I’m lucky that my parents are comfortable and grateful.

As an adult child I have never taken or expected money from my parents, neither did my sisters - although we helped them out especially as they got older. They would give money for their grandchildren but that's all. My brother on the other hand, was constantly asking for handouts (money for petrol, help with regular bills) and just never really grew up.

My dad chucks a thousand or two in my bank account now and then as a "well done, you're a great mother" gift. He also pays our health club membership. I hope to do similar when my DC grow up.

We gift our two children money, like others they get £3000 at Christmas and the grandkids £250 it’s tax efficient. We also gifted a larger amount a couple of years ago in the hope that we live for 7 years to avoid Inheritance tax. We can afford to so why wouldn’t we? As my mum used to say, you can’t take it with you!

It depends on what I can and can’t do at any given time.

DD has just moved so now generally if she comes to visit or if we go for a day out I cover all expenses as it’s a treat and it makes me very happy to see her. If I was in a position of giving her a monthly gift I’d happily do so as well.

I wasn’t the one who initially said about the £6k! I wasn’t saying you were wrong 😊

This has made me feel a lot better! I was stewing at having to pay a house deposit. It really makes no sense to be paying it out in IHT at the end of the time.