Has anyone had an affair without feeling guilty afterwards?

[Cuztardcream]

Hi,

might seem a strange question but has anyone ever had an affair or ONS whilst married or in n a relationship and not felt guilt?

DH and I went through a very rocky patch 28 mo the ago and I slept with another guy twice. Fast forward to now- we worked on our marriage and were in such a better place. I’ve never confessed to DH but I don’t feel any guilt. Is was what I needed at the time.

Does this make me a terrible person?

I think it does but that’s me
you’re keeping a secret and that erodes a relationship
You’re justifying it as if that betrayal is no big deal
maybe it isn’t to you - the fact you’ve not told your husband means you know it’s wrong on some level or you’d have told him

No it doesn't make you a bad person. Ive never had an affair/ONS. Dont compare yourself and your feelings to that of other people, all situations and experiences are different. It happened, its over and you're now in a great place. Move forward and enjoy the future

I definitely know it’s wrong and I wish it’d never got to that stage but I honestly can’t say that I really regret the actual act. I’d been miserable and starved of intimacy for months

How would you feel if your DH had done this

How did you meet this guy

So you don’t think you could tell him that you were simply satisfying normal sexual desire and shouldn’t have to feel ashamed?

I think I’d have been upset but I’d have been able to move past it

I’m just not sure what purpose it would serve

Then you should have ended things with him before starting an affair. Or you should have worked harder on your marriage instead of having an affair.

You might not feel guilt now, but how might you feel in a month, a year, ten year's time when the secret comes out?

I know someone who really thought she'd got away with a fling during a bad patch. She and DH worked on their marriage and were happier together than they'd ever been. Then, about two years later she had what she thought was thrush...turned out to be herpes. She had to confess to her husband who was utterly heartbroken and betrayed. The marriage was in tatters.

You don't always know you've caught herpes. A condom doesn't protect you from it.

Another fake thread?

When you do bad things, you're supposed to feel bad about them. Additionally, with something like cheating, you should allow your partner to decide if they can accept it - not hide it from them and rob them of the right to choose. So yes, I think you're a terrible person. You even cheated twice, not once, which shows willingness and intent to cheat even more than if you'd "only" done it once.

Love seeing women in male dominated fields, crack on 🥰

Me.It was towards the end of a sexless marriage.No guilt.
I never told him.

You'll get no admonishment from me hun, after everything men have done to us since the dawn of civilisation, I think a few affairs here and there are a no big deal. Hope you had a lot of fun 😘

Perhaps that temporary distraction was just what you needed to get you through the rough patch with your DH. Without it perhaps you would have split up, with all the potential fall-out for everyone involved.

My ex slapped me and in my mind after that my relationship was over. So while I was “getting my ducks in a row” as MN likes to say I acted as if I was single when out and about. Didn’t have sex with anyone but kissed people on nights out and went on a date in another city. I don’t feel bad because at the end of the day he put hands on me, and he’s lucky I didn’t tell my family because I think my dad (who already disliked him) would have killed him.

I personally don’t really see that as cheating but I guess by the technical definition it is. I have never felt bad about it. I never cheated on anyone else and definitely wouldn’t. In an ideal world I would have left the minute he smacked me but circumstances didn’t allow it and I was 17 on the other side of the UK from my family.

Also now, looking back I’m fairly sure he was cheating on me with “crazy Kate” from his office who he “fucking hated”.

Of course you're not a terrible person. Though some people on here will probably tell you that you are.

I did, in my 20's... was with then boyfriend for 4 years and we were organising the wedding. It was only a fling that lasted about 3 months, but still, I ended the relationship because a) It showed me that I was bored with current boyfriend & b) he never even suspected anything. Not what I wanted to base a marriage on

I kept it secret because a conversation about it would have been much more upsetting for my DW. We kept things together and celebrated 40 years married.
On the other hand did she know and managed it by not forcing a confrontation?

Yes. My ex boyfriend

This comment wins 😅

How do you know she didn’t get it from her husband? Perhaps he had cheated too ?

That's easy to say, hypothetically.

Tell him. He deserves to have all the facts of his marriage to make a decision about whether he wants to stay in it. Right now he thinks you're someone who's not cheated, probably. That's not the reality.

Ive had ons with men while on holidays, and i couldn't tell you if they was married or not.

What happens on my holidays stays on my holidays.