Was he rude?

[notsurewhattodohelpme]

messaging someone online, we have met for one date, he was ok but I’m not blown away by him, he’s had 3 failed relationships, but I get that’s normal these days, and a kid who’s not his but he brought up from birth no longer speaks to him, he doesn’t know why she’s 21 now. Anyway we were chatting by text about work, my job is physically demanding, a lot of heavy lifting, get worn out easily, and I start at 6am everyday, I was just generally saying how I didn’t want to go back to work this week and he replied oh it’s not bad you only do half days, yes I finish at 12.30 but I’m up at 4.15 everyday, I found his comment quite patronising was it?

I think that he doesn't sound like he understands the concept of shift work, and doesn't make you feel good when you're chatting to him, so for that reason, I would stop. There are literally millions of mediocre men out there to choose from.

Why are you continuing to message? You’re not in to him. Have some self respect fgs!

Just looking for opinions whether he was rude or it’s me reading to much into it as always!

It was just a bit thoughtless imo, all the more so if you have told him more than once that you have to get up at 4.15am.

Yeah I had previously told him I have to get up at that time

It would concern me that he is trying to belittle what you do / your working pattern rather than empathise and understand how it is for you. Is it rude? Possibly, but it wouldn't be 'rudeness' that is the issue for me, more the lack of care / understanding in how you feel. He doesn't sound like much of a catch anyway.

But why are you cracking on with someone you’re not interested in? So strange

If you found it rude then you’ve got your answer. You say you always read too much into things, perhaps you need to not online date!

I’d think he just had no idea how much it takes out of you waking up at that time and going to work but it wouldn’t on its own be enough to make me stop pursuing this if the rest of the contact had been okay.
But I’m a notorious under thinker (and I prefer it that way tbh!).

That’s how it made me feel, also we were talking about me maybe changing job, I said it’s mostly 8 hr or 16 hr contracts I’ve seen which is no good to me, and he laughed and said that’s normal, I looked at him like what? He misheard me he thought I said they were all 8 hour days, he’s obviously mocking me thinking I don’t work enough.

No I haven’t I only met him yesterday

I was just looking for opinions before I stop chatting with him

Yes
but you have started a number of threads in the build up to the meeting yesterday

Also I haven’t spoke to him today and he hasn’t messaged

I definitely haven’t

Why?

Never mind I’ll just leave it 🙄

I think you should just leave online dating for the time being. You have had the worst luck

Maybe your right

I hope you give it break and maybe just spend some time on yourself. Good luck

Thanks

i wouldn’t say it’s rude. Yes you’re up early, but you have between 12.30 and 8/9 every day free so could nap and also get things done.

Ot will feel different to someone’s who doesn’t get up until 6/7 but also isn’t home until 6 ish as that dinner time and the day is almost over.

But you’re not that into him so o don’t know why you’re bothering the conversation and worrying about what he thinks.

I think if your instinct is that he's patronising you (and that was your instinct, not you overthinking), in the initial stages when it should all be positive and fun, take that as a sign that he's not the one.

I think the 3 failed relationships and the grown step daughter that he “doesn’t know why” she doesn’t talk to him, are more than enough to walk away from this mess before it’s too late.