My kids are being awful today

[inthesandnow]

Ages five and three

at an activity thing at a national trust place. Started off OK but things deteriorated when they tried to do one of the activities. Three year old kept screaming I CAN’T and trying to make me do it then getting angry and screaming when I didn’t do it correctly; five year old also getting frustrated and stomping and banging about and knocking things over and refusing to pick them up.

yes we’re going home

but just crying in the car first.

Reframe it firstly, they're not Being Awful. They're small humans trying to work it out. Presumably you've had words, they're now in the back of the car while you're crying in the front and on your phone. Get off your phone, take a deep breath, and put the radio on, and get home. Then start again, do something that makes you all laugh, get in the bath, sing songs, be silly, kitchen disco, back to basics. I'm no expert, but I'd guess they're asking for connection, in the way that 3 and 5 year olds do. This is not a bad life, they're not bad children, it was a National Trust expedition that didn't work out.

They are three and five.
All normal.
Breathe.

Solidarity hug. 3 year olds are programmed to push us to our limits, and just as we are getting ready to leave them on the orphanage doorstep, they manage to be sweet enough to win a second chance.

There will be a reason: a tooth coming through? A virus brewing? Or just because it's Tuesday. However,cthe reason doesn't matter. You do. Have a cry, go home, treat yourself to the emergency stash of hidden chocolate bars/biscuits which you have ready for days like today, put a film on,vand cuddle up together on the sofa. Tomorrow/this afternoon will be different.

The I Can’t stage has lasted a while now and it’s pushing me to the limits of my endurance. I think if I had a bath with my kids we’d flood the bathroom Peppa pig style.

And yes they are five and three but screaming at me, throwing things, stomping around is pretty awful behaviour regardless of the reasons.

Stick them in a mega bubble bath, you don't have to get in, you get the gist... change up the energy, put your phone away, go for a walk to find blackberries, whatever. They want your eye contact and your attention.

Well you can judge it or try and work out how to influence it.

Activity things are generally boring for v young children esp bolloxy National Trust shite aimed at relieving the Middle classes of their hard earned dosh. DCs that age need to be running around. I would’ve taken them out, let them run around in the park and woods for a while, played on the swings and then got a drink and snack in the cafe. Job done.

It may not be fashionable to suggest this, but have you tried a stern stare, and a quiet but clear request to Behave Yourself? Children need boundaries.

Not sure if you’ve been to a national trust recently but they all currently have their summer of play on which consists of parks, forest climbing frames, forest nature trails and activities for kids. Took mine yesterday and it tired them all out a treat.

It sounds like you’re having a rough time of it OP, and those ages together can sometimes be tough. Take a breather remember this stage shall pass.

put your phone away, go for a walk to find blackberries
Bingo 😆
Such helpful advice to a parent sitting in their car crying, I’m sure some blackberry picking will make everything better OP.

I will admit I typed a very sarky reply to that and then deleted it as I know the advice was kindly meant but - no. I’m 44; I don’t need telling to put my phone away like a stroppy teenager!

Yes, it would have been amazing with different kids 🤣

I mean I hear you and I’ve posted solidarity messages on many such threads this summer(!) mine are older and one morning they had a full on fight on the drive as we were leaving the house. I just left them there fighting and went back into the house and shut the front door. They were left on the drive arguing about whose fault it was 😆
Good times.

So true! 😂 Neither of my children (boys fwiw) ever enjoyed this kind of stuff so eventually I learned not to bother . The activities were always completely unsuitable for the children it was sprained at to do without loads of parental help. Frustration all
round

Well it must have been shit but you’ve made me laugh more than the blackberry picking and bubble baths posts!

I feel this in my bones....

Sometimes we all have a bad 5 minutes (kids and adults)

Unpopular opinion(?)
I'd stop off for a happy meal and some nugs and a vanilla milkshake for you then swing by a park and let the little ratbags run off some steam (on separate play sets).

Go back and try the national park if everyone is feeling brave. If not bin it off and do something else.

sounds horribly familiar 😂😂

Sitting in the front seat crying thinking you have two awful children in the back isn't really getting anywhere either. My point was, to meet the children where they are, and in this case it's not a National Trust activity. It's something else, and a quick walk round the block and home for a bath, might be more on their level.

Organized activity at that age often ends up like this. It's not you or your kids and I'm sure we've all been there. It can be too much for them when they're this young.

Five years ago during the summer holidays, I was chanting to myself that this can only get better… physically it is easier. I’m no longer carrying them, changing nappies, lugging around a buggy etc but in honesty it isn’t what I class as ‘better’, it’s just a different type of shit time. Now they are verbally mean to each other. There are times when they physically fight and I’m expecting to intervene. They moan about being bored but don’t seem to enjoy anything I do organise or suggest. The summer holidays are just full of me bribing them or threatening them. I feel like I’ve become a full-time nag. The only ‘good’ thing now is I can safely leave them in their rooms alone without being worried about their safety, so I have that option for when it gets really awful. I’m now chanting to myself only another five years or so and they will be out with their friends during the summer holidays. Maybe then I’ll be able to start repairing my demolished mental health.

I feel this @SummerHols2026 … my older one is just so angry all the time. And lies, and hits, wondering where I went so badly wrong 😭

and no, we are not walking around the non existent block picking blackberries

I wish I had some good advice as opposed to just trying to survive this…. Occasionally I’ll get a few hours to myself and I know I should be using it to exercise or tidy or make a dent in the humongous list of things to do but I generally just get into bed and curse my life choices. Then I feel rotten for being such an ungrateful so and so :(

I’ve been through the wondering where I went wrong phase. I was a sah mum until youngest started school and I did everything that was expected of a ‘good’ parent. I’ve sacrificed my career, close friendships and hobbies have taken a very back seat to parenthood. And still my DC are a nightmare.

Obviously should have spent some more time blackberry picking 😆

Only a week until school starts again OP. Mine are 5 and 2.5 and I wouldn’t even attempt to take them to an activity by myself, so you’re a better parent than me for making the effort!

Obviously all dynamics are different but my 5yo does get quite jealous of the attention (not necessarily positive attention) the little one gets when he’s playing up… and then the older one’s behaviour gets worse.

There is no way my youngest would have enjoyed these kind of activities. He’s not keen on people, or organised fun so he’d have just moaned at me the whole time. They are tiny though. Id go home, make some easy food and do something quiet. The Julia Donaldson short films were my go to, are they still on iPlayer? And Going on a Bear Hunt on the telly as the music always chilled mine out.