Banned from my local supermarket after an argument with a member of staff- my language was bad though.

[Alderedge1]

So today I’ve been banned from my local supermarket, I’m not proud of what happened but I think that the member of staff was also in the wrong.

i was in the fruit and veg aisle looking to get some pre- chopped melon. The ones that come in sealed plastic pots. They were stacked quite tightly and some of the dates were quite soon, so I decided to go towards the back, in doing this I accidentally knocked 5 or 6 pots off the shelf. Immediately a female member of staff was on me- telling me “ you’re supposed to take the ones from the front”. I apologised for knocking some of them from the shelf but explained that it was my choice to choose the date that I wanted. By this point I had reassembled the display, so no harm done. She carried on chuntering so I said something like “ it’s really not a big deal, let’s move on”. As I went to walk away she said, “ it’s just not on”. I’m afraid this is where I let myself down. She was a small pointy woman of about 60 with short dyed red hair. I asked her what her problem was and she said “ customers like you thinking they own the place” to which I replied ( I know this is bad) “fuck off and shut your cunt up you fucking crackhead Anne Robinson lookalike”. It’s not often I take such a low blow but I had a rough upbringing and when I’m really pushed it emerges. The lady stormed off.

as I was leaving a manager asked me if I could step into an office for a chat, I said no thank you. She then said well I’m afraid that you won’t be able to shop here moving forwards.

so that’s that. Not proud of my mouth but she was a fucking horrible twat.

Meh. Maybe im in the minority but perhaps the worker will think twice about saying petty comments to customers first. You never know who’s going to turn round and fire back.

Obviously what the OP said was unacceptable and really cringeworthy, but the worker started it. There is nothing wrong with looking for products with the best date on, I think we all do it.

YABVU - firstly to buy pots of ready-cut melon. Just buy the melon you want, they come in different sizes according to type and may be better obtained from your local greengrocer or market and cut it up yourself, when you actually want to eat it.
Secondly, but you already know this, how dare you verbally abuse a member of staff. You may choose not to shop there again, or be banned - quite rightly - but that member of staff may not have a choice.
Do you have children? Would you condone that kind of behaviour in them?

Yes, I see them at times. No matter your upbringing as an adult you should be able to control yourself.

OP, I'm a menopausal, over-worked, over-tired woman & whilst my default is very pleasant, when pushed I can be sharp, passive aggressive, condescending, superior & all the rest, but I would never swear like that, or insult someone personally. I've had my share of comments over the years (age/sex/accent) & it feels awful to be belittled.

Additionally, I have a son with ASN who gets very distressed when he hears swearing. He's been brought up to know that swearing is rude, so his autistic brain can't compute why people would do it. He would have been seriously upset. You're in a public place for goodness' sake.

But then... neither did the shop-worker.
Prod a dog.... it may bite.

This is good. This is really good. I will never ,in future, look at the pre-sliced fruit in the supermarket without sagely nodding and thinking 'tortoise medicine'.

U were out of order. Even ' get lost' would be unjustified. Looks like you will need to curb your tongue when you shop elsewhere

well you sound utterly vile. Wonder what you're trying to achieve from this post? People saying "oh yes she does sound exactly like what you said"?

I do. I have chronic pain and can't chop fruit. The prepackaged fruit is brilliant.

You were very out of order. You absolutely need to send that lady an apology note.

Yes you can get the melon from the back. Yes accidents happen. Yes she was being a bit annoying.

But no, under no circumstances do you get to attack someone's personal appearance like that. Those sort of comments can really affect someone.

OP, the shop assistant wouldn’t let it lie and came back at you several times. Not her job to do that. By your own admission you haven’t covered yourself in glory on this occasion, but my god, you’ve made me laugh.

10/10 for creativity. That’s one hell of a slap down.

Don’t beat yoursef up. There’s something about someone not letting it lie and continuing to come back for another go that really presses buttons.

Well let’s hope the next time you do it, someone puts you in your place and ideally your teeth down your throat, or do you only behave like that towards people that can’t/won’t?

Agreed. You got what you deserved and I wouldn't even acknowledge your apology. Workers don't go to work to put up with abuse like that.

Our nearest Waitrose has a number of staff members who appear to regard customers as an intrusion on the peace of the establishment, to be tolerated to the minimum extent possible, so I can entirely see how this situation could have arisen. But you can't use language like that without some sort of negative consequence ensuing. I'd just shop elsewhere and try and keep hold of my temper a bit better.

Thank you for helping me feel so much better. Your understanding has helped me see a new perspective.
Thank you for your kind words. You've really brightened what was a difficult day for me. 🥰

Well you are rather bristly on here so I can’t imagine you are as nice as you like to think, abusive outburst notwithstanding. Don’t email, they won’t let you back in.

As an aside, I am from a relatively rough council estate as well and have never spoken to anyone like this. I did work in retail when I was at university, and have been on the receiving end of such nasty behaviour. The worst when I had the temerity to say we didn’t have a size in a particular item in Christmas Eve.

Your comment to her was disgraceful and a real escalation. You also refused to speak to manager. I think it’s fair the manager has asked you to not to shop there. They don’t want volatile people in the shop and the shop worker has right not to be abused at work. If you felt she was a jobsworth speak to manager don’t say things like that in a shop.

She was rude but your response far outstripped her remark. Don't send them an email.

There's a Public Order Act offence about using language likely to cause harm or distress etc, I think it could come under that.

It's appalling behaviour anyway. Especially in Waitrose, people who want to behave like that really should shop in Morrisons or somewhere. 😉

I don't blame you at all for taking one from the back; that's your prerogative. But you acted abusively and disgustingly towards someone doing their job (however much I disagree with their view). I don't blame them for banning you, your behaviour was atrocious and utterly indefensible. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I hope you don't inflict your issues on a therapist as you don't seem to want to address them.

how does that transfer to your kids, OP? Can you imagine what it's like as a teacher to be having to deal with that?

I don’t think any apology is going to cut it OP. From what you say the staff member was probably a bit of a jobsworth but what you said was way beyond a reasonable response and well into serious verbal abuse. The reason you’ve been banned is for the protection of the staff. In a nano second you proved that you have anger management issues/no self control and they’re not prepared to risk you losing it and assaulting someone. You doubled down by refusing to even talk to the manager when they asked you to, so you can’t complain about being banned. Abusive and uncooperative isn’t a great look.

B&M surely?

Blimey that took a turn