DD14 lost money. What would you have done?

[Lifecouldbeadreamsweetheart]

Just curious about the split of opinions really.

DD just turned 14. She ended up with about £70 in cash from grandparents in cards etc. This is a huge and exciting amount of money to her (tbf I wouldn't mind it myself...).

I've been nagging her for a couple of weeks to not leave it lying around, that if cash gets lost that's it etc, and that for safe keeping she should put it in the bank where it would be safe and could even earn a bit of interest. She has a bank account with a card etc but never uses it. She says she prefers cash, I think just because she likes to look at it (it's not because of conspiracy theories or some old skool attachment like some people like cash).

Anyway, the other day we went shopping. She was going to spend her money. Surprise surprise she left her purse in the toilet at the shopping centre. She remembered ten minutes later, ran back and... It had gone. She was so upset, in tears, sobbing that it had gone and she'd never get it back.

Amazingly someone had handed it in, so we did get it back ten minutes later. When she'd calmed down I said again that we could get rid of the risk entirely if she had listened and put the money in the bank.

I have thought subsequently about what I'd have done had the money not have been handed in and she would have lost it for good. Would I have replaced it, or let her learn the hard lesson. I like to think that I teach them life lessons but I'm not sure I could have stood by with her so upset.

What would you have done?

I think she would have had to learn the lesson. I probably would have bought an ITSU or Pret lunch though.

If have asked her to make the choice. Would she want me to give her the money and leave myself short, or not? I ultimately would've given the money anyway but I'd want her to consider the options and make a choice.
So glad she got it back.

I would have consoled her and told her it wasn’t the end of the world but explained again this is why you should put it in the bank and then I would have taken the cash from her and transferred the same
amount into her account there and then and moved on with our lives.

I would have sympathetic but not replaced it.

I had something similar with one of mine. I gave them the money obviously it would of been a better lesson if I hadn't but I felt so sorry for her I couldn't help myself. Im not normally this soft in parenting.

I’d consider it a perfect opportunity to learn a life lesson. And if you replace it, what does she learn?
She will expect you to always replace the money so she can continue to be careless with it.
what amount of lost money do you consider unable to replace?

Didn't give mine the choice when they were little, if they were given more than £10 in cash it went into their bank accounts. Even at high school they didn't have more than £10 - £15 cash on them nor more than £5 at a time on their Young Scot card for lunch.

Anything lost wasn't replaced, but they were never in a position to lose significant cash.

I would not have replaced it.

Glad in a way the life lesson can happen without the money being lost, but that is very fortunate.

Why would you replace it? We don’t all walk around with wads of cash because it’s not sensible. Especially if you are a person who leaves things behind in toilets.

If she’d have been younger (10 or 11) I would have transferred her the money or purchased what she planning to buy with it… but at 14, I think I’d have to play bad cop & let her deal with the consequences.

I’d have replaced it as it was birthday money. Accidents happen. Just make sure she’s learnt that it’s safer in her bank from now on.

I'd have replaced it. We all make mistakes.

She didn’t do it intentionally and was excited and probably distracted as a result, so I’d have replaced it either way the agreement and future money goes in her bank.

Is it in the bank now, or has she spent it?

Possibly I'd have given it to her there and then (if you had it to spare) but had her pay it back £5 a week or whatever would be reasonable.

I'd suggest a purse on a waist belt or cross body strap, for her phone, cash and bank card, so she can't put it down and forget it.

I wouldn't have replaced the money or the purse.

You gave her ample warnings and good advice.

She disregarded it all and was extremely careless on top of that.

She was very lucky the person who found it handed it in. That's all the kindness of the universe she should be getting, imo.

She needs a cross body bag or a bum bag to carry her purse and bank card in, and never take this off while out and about. You can go to the loo wearing a bag like this.

In my view, there wasn't any need for you to rub it in by doing the 'I told you so, and if you'd listened to me and put it in the bank it would never have happened' speech afterwards. She'd had the fright, that was punishment enough, surely?

I'd have given her a massive hug, said 'Oh thank goodness it turned up, what a relief' and left it there.

If the money hadn't turned up, then I'd have been sympathetic but would never have made the 'I told you so' speech either. I might have then replaced at least part of it.

I’d have replaced it and consoled her myself. Accidents happen. I definitely wouldn’t have punished her in our family if grandparents knew she had lost it they would have given it again as that’s their private pleasure.

Hard lessons are priceless.

Empathy plus boundaries.

My Gdd1, at 9, brought a little handbag with her on a trip to town, where there are always fairground type rides that the Gdcs love, outside the church. All 3 Gdcs spent at least 45 minutes on the rides before we left - when I realised after a few minutes that Gdd1 no longer had her little bag.

She had left it near the mega trampoline thing, where she’d taken her shoes off.
She said her birthday and Christmas money was in it.
‘How much?’ I asked.
Sixty pounds!!!

We shot back. Thank goodness the chap who’s always in charge of the rides, bless him, was looking after it for her.

I just hoped it’d be a salutary lesson for her, though!

Would I or dd have replaced it, if it’d had gone? I don’t know, maybe!

Not a chance I’m replacing that. You gave her good guidance and she didn’t go with it. Lesson learned.

The lesson is worth more than seventy quid.

I’d have replaced the money.

When I was younger I remember being given £20 spending money and losing it. I was terrified to tell my father, who didn’t make a fuss, and gave me another £20 but told me to look after it. I learnt the lesson.

Thanks for all the replies. Lots saying they would, lots saying they wouldn't. Just goes to show there is no right answer sometimes!

I can't believe so many people would replace the money. It's a lesson learnt. If my kid breaks or loses something it's gone. At some point it will sink in that if you want to keep something you need to look after it. Right? It must do...surely?

It's just money, I'd replace their EpiPen or insulin, but it's just money, or a toy or whatever, tough crap, you lost it, should have looked after it better.

At 7 I might replace but not at 14.