DD14 lost money. What would you have done?

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Just curious about the split of opinions really.

DD just turned 14. She ended up with about £70 in cash from grandparents in cards etc. This is a huge and exciting amount of money to her (tbf I wouldn't mind it myself...).

I've been nagging her for a couple of weeks to not leave it lying around, that if cash gets lost that's it etc, and that for safe keeping she should put it in the bank where it would be safe and could even earn a bit of interest. She has a bank account with a card etc but never uses it. She says she prefers cash, I think just because she likes to look at it (it's not because of conspiracy theories or some old skool attachment like some people like cash).

Anyway, the other day we went shopping. She was going to spend her money. Surprise surprise she left her purse in the toilet at the shopping centre. She remembered ten minutes later, ran back and... It had gone. She was so upset, in tears, sobbing that it had gone and she'd never get it back.

Amazingly someone had handed it in, so we did get it back ten minutes later. When she'd calmed down I said again that we could get rid of the risk entirely if she had listened and put the money in the bank.

I have thought subsequently about what I'd have done had the money not have been handed in and she would have lost it for good. Would I have replaced it, or let her learn the hard lesson. I like to think that I teach them life lessons but I'm not sure I could have stood by with her so upset.

What would you have done?

Nope.

but I wouldn’t have let her keep it anyway I’d have put it in the bank of mum and dad and said she can have it whenever she wants but not walk around with it.

mine were champs at losing stuff

I'd have let her learn her lesson. It's so important to learn these lessons early. You do them no favours shielding them from the results of their own behaviour.

i would of given her 1/2 so not a total loss but still a lesson learnt

I'm amazed so many would replace it. I would be gutted at the thought that money from grandparents who don't have much (in my family) could be lost so carelessly and against advice to put it somewhere safe. No way I'd be out of pocket putting that right.

I'd have replaced half of it I think. Hopefully she'd still learn from the experience. I doubt DH would have replaced any.

so you've have said "do you want me to give you the money and leave myself short?" making it clear you can't afford to do it, then even if she'd said no you'd have got enough her the money which you knew you couldn't afford to make her feel really guilty?? why?

I'd have replaced it this time, but would expect money to be put in the bank next time and if not, and lost again, would not. Life is full of unpleasant consequences in any event. She knows she should have been more careful and will be grateful for and remember your kindness.

I wouldn't replace if i couldn't afford to

I would have replaced it as I still think she would have learned her lesson

it's not always that easy tho. I'm precisely the 14 year old who would have left the purse behind, and I'm precisely the 44 year old who would too.

not because it would have been replaced - it wouldn't, and I'd have made myself sick with guilt. I had my purse taken / lost abroad when I was 11, s hook replaced the money but because I thought my Dad would have to pay it back I spent about a fiver of it.
not because I didn't care, I cried about every set of keys etc because I was told how much it cost and how hard it was to afford to replace it.
house keys.

bank cards.
books.
umbrellas.
phones.

I don't not care. I do try hard not to. but it's my No1 failing as a human being.

so I'd have let her have a cry, and I've have replaced half but directly into her bank account

dad never had to replace it so he just kept the money.

I don’t follow your point about cash. If she lost her purse and someone dishonest found her bank card instead couldn’t they just tap to spend the £70 and potentially more? The point is to be more careful with her stuff. I’d buy her a decent cross body bag. As for replacing it I probably would but I get why you wouldn’t.

Consequences..how else would we learn. You gave advice and it was ignored. 100% no bail out here

I think the fact she was upset would have been enough of a lesson for the first time/mistake.

as it was birthday money I’d have replaced it - or watch could afford. Perhaps offered up £25 if I was short.

If it happened a second time and showed she hadn’t learnt her lesson then I would not replace.

This. My daughter knows her stuff/money wouldn't get replaced. An accident eg something getting broken maybe but carelessness eg leaving her Chromebook out and sitting on it (that hasn't happened) then no.

I would have replaced. For a first lesson, clear sight of the consequence is sufficient.

Admire the NO camp.

Mine lost a lot of money and I replaced it.
Didn’t do him any favours in the long run as it didn’t teach him a good lesson and he lost lots of things over the years.

I definitely wouldn't replace it, she was aware of the risk she was taking and went ahead anyway. If she lost the money permanently it might have been the last time of being so careless.

But this is a bit different. Anyone can make a mistake and leave their possessions in the bus or in the loo, but if DD had banked the cash as suggested, losing her purse would have been less disastrous.

I’d have replaced it but insisted it went in the bank this time.

I’m glad she got it back.

I was answering to the "it will sink in that of tou want to keep something you look after it" bit.

and my empathy comes from knowing what it's like to do this kind of stuff hence offering to cover half. there's still a consequence, unless I was flush perhaps then I'd let her earn the other half.

but if he lost lots of things ove the years, the likelihood is you NOT replacing stuff once wouldn't have made any difference. you just made one occasion less shit

Some people naturally lose more things. If he still loses things, it's probably nothing to do with that one time. You're off the hook!

I can still remember losing £1 at the fair when I was about 9. It was in a small exposed pocket on my bag. I looked and it was open, I hadn't used it so I think I most probably was pick pocketed.
It has stuck with me but I have quite a poor record of leaving things places. I have had the good fortune of kind people doing good things and I have always got my belongings back.
I avoid carrying cash and anything of value on me knowing that things disappear out of my minds eye so easily.

I wouldn't have replaced the money in terms of cash but i would have supported her in finding and buying something that could be a gift. Say she wanted to buy herself a £70 coat new. I'd help her research and find something second hand and gift/loan £15-20 towards that so that she has something to show for her birthday but not rewarding carelessness.

As an aside, I would have been encouraging the use of banks from an interest perspective and how by using the bank the money could grow.

I would have replaced the money. She was upset so the lesson has been learnt and fingers crossed will be more careful next time

I think l would have replaced say £50 but made her do extra chores to earn it. That would terrify her into never doing it again!!