Teacher struggling in holidays

[allymccoist]

I’m sure people will tell me to count my blessings but it’s week 4 of the holidays and I am feeling low.

we had a big holiday at Easter so haven’t gone away this summer, and I feel like that was a mistake. dH has not taken any time off so it’s just me and 2 dc who are 12 and 15. We live rurally so I have to drive them everywhere. The eldest has met up with friends a few times but the youngest guest hasn’t and I worry he is spending too much time on screens. The first week we did loads, then eldest ds made a flippant comment to his dad at the end of that week that we had done nothing, and I just felt so deflated as I had taken them shopping, to padel, on a boat trip, loads of stuff. I have taken them on a few more days out but everywhere is so expensive and I am trying to save money and just can’t go out everyday. I feel like I am struggling to motivate myself to do anything and just waste time scrolling. I am going into work on Thursday for results and it just feels like the holidays are over and I’ve barely done anything.

as well as this, I’ve seen a couple of friends but each time it’s been me who has initiated the contact, I feel sad that no one has text me and asked if I want a coffee or anything. I’ve had a couple of close for fashions fall by way wayside over the last two years and I’m really feeling quite lonely.

im not sure what I’m asking really, I just feel bad for not enjoying every minute of the holidays as I know I’m lucky to have this time.

** Close friendships

At that age I’d be letting the kids crack on and enjoying a summer of reading and gardening OP!

Can you encourage them to invite friends round? What are their interests? Can you encourage them to plan something around those?

Teens are so ungrateful! It sounds like you’ve done loads. I have also struggled on the days we haven’t had much planned and I think that’s normal. I also spent almost all day yesterday in a phone fug wasting the day. But I am sure your kids have appreciated some downtime and we are not superhumans. Could you take them away for a night somewhere to have even a short break? Are there any paid activities you can put them in for a few days? My 12 year old is doing a water sports thing today as last week he was complaining he was bored too.

I get it OP. I'm a teacher with 2 kids (6 and 10) and it is hard keeping them entertained every day. I've been lucky that my DH has taken some time off here and there for trips and a holiday which has broken it up and we've really enjoyed those. My 2 don't want to do any summer schemes either so it's parks, picnics and texting friends hoping people are free for meeting up. I'm in NI and we get 8 wks for the summer. I would rather our holidays were more like England where we get 6 but more holidays throughout the school year when they are much more needed. All that said I'm still not looking forward to going back to the early mornings and the stresses of school life. It's been nice switching off and we are very very lucky but it is hard trying to fill their days especially when they don't want to leave the house.

I think it's quite tough as the kids get older. When they're young, the entire holiday is spent with them, entertaining them, managing their needs to the point where it doesn't even really feel like a holiday.

Mine are one year up in age from yours and this holiday has been really different - they are out with friends or playing video games or watching TV together. They don't need me at all except for lifts and providing them with food, and I find myself asking them to do stuff with me like it's a chore. It's odd having so much time to myself and I wasn't really prepared for it. I think next holiday I will make more of an effort to arrange stuff for me to do now that I don't have to worry so much about stuff for them to do.

Mine are 13 and 15, so similar ages and I haven't planned anything for them really - I took my DD out for cake the other day and I played a game last night with DS but other than bits and bobs here and there I'm just letting them get on with it themselves. Luckily they're pretty good at arranging things with friends so they don't spend too much time in the house.

There is no way on earth my mother (who was a teacher and therefore free during the holidays) would have organised days out etc when I was 12/15. She took us to the beach now and again and maybe out shopping but other than that it was up to us to sort out our own time. In fact at 15 I think I had a job during the summer.

I don't think either way of doing things is right or wrong but I do think it's worth remembering that you're not a cruise director - it isn't your job to entertain them or make sure every day is fabulous. I grew up in Ireland so I had two months off when I was in primary and three (yes three months!) in secondary every summer. A lot of the time I was bored but now I look back and think how lovely it was just to waft about, read, sit in the garden etc and not always have something scheduled. I certainly never expected my parents to provide endless fun!

I'm a teacher and have definitely had summer holidays like this where I'm feeling guilty and bored. My advice would be to try not to stress this holiday. Don't feel guilty about doing very little. Teaching is very full on and you will need the calm switch-off. But maybe start looking up holidays for next summer as something to look forward to. I spent a few summers not going away and had the same feelings you're having now. It took me aback how much difference even a short break can make to the whole summer. We're home from our holiday now and my children (older teens) are whiling away the time doing very little and I'm back to scrolling and procrastinating about some of the work I need to do, but after our break the guilt isn't there! Just keep it in mind for next year. Hope all goes well on Thursday. Spend time outdoors (focus on an area of your garden). Read a book. If you start feeling guilty tell yourself you need the rest as it will all begin again before we know it!

Bless you OP I hope you're okay. Have you got any friends you could go and visit? I'm also a teacher and agree sometimes it feels like there's a pressure to make the most of the holidays because we know how rough termtime can be and you can't choose when your leave falls.

That said, stop entertaining your kids. They can ask you if they want to be given a lift somewhere. Don't put yourself out for them to complain so much. Can you give them jobs to do maybe to earn the wifi password or something if you're worried about screen time? Take them to the library or bookshop and see if there's anything they'd be interested in, non fiction books with project ideas? (Clearly I teach but don't have teenagers yet myself 😂) Otherwise I'd just say leave them to entertain themselves and do your own thing.

It's also a weird feeling when you're off but friends are obviously working and/or juggling their own kids so makes sense if they're quite busy. Could you find anything to do on your own, swimming, nature walks, go to the cinema?

Op I don't know where you are but this weather has seriously stymied all our activities !
Just let them chill there is nothing wrong with being bored !
Don't feel bad.

Remember social media is the highlights reel. Xx

I’m not a teacher but have taken the week off and yesterday picked DD’s friend up. Took them into the city and she came for a sleepover. I did feel like I was following them round lol but in Primark I went to Greggs to give them a bit of space and it was nice. They appreciate it so it’s good. Today they’re still in bed so I’m enjoying a lazy morning. Last year I took two weeks off. We didn’t go on holiday as buying a house. It felt a bit too long but I spent mornings doing my coursework (doing AAT alongside full time job) and spent time with her in the afternoons. I get it though. I felt like a spare part sometimes 😆

Thank you for everyone’s kind words.

@Whyarepeople“you are not a cruise director” may have to be my new motto when I’m feeling like this!

@MakeItRaini am definitely not doing this again with no trip away in the summer!

I would add that I have found the transition to having older children surprisingly hard. When they're little it's so full on - they need you pretty much all the time and it's fairly easy to entertain them, with the park, an icecream etc. I often longed for a break and dreamt of a time when I wouldn't have to supervise them so much. Now that that time has come, I feel redundant. Not only do they not need me so much, they don't want me either! That's as it should be of course - they're getting older and more independent - but I'm so used to being 'on call' that my brain can't settle to other tasks.

If you're struggling with friendships it must be making everything worse. Summer is a weird time IME - some people are off, some are working, others are away on holiday. Though in theory people should be free, in practice it can be harder to get hold of them than normal. That said, it might be time to start thinking about expanding your life outside of children and work. Your children are only going to get more distant and it's worth having things that you enjoy, without kid input!

I hear you Op. I’m struggling even though my child is an adult.
I have lots of things I should be doing - painting, clearing out, tidying, appointments etc but set against the resentment that this is my long holiday and I should be enjoying it doing fun stuff.
I’m scrolling on here to avoid it all. I’m shit at being my own manager.

Yes, I am finding it harder as they are older. I looked after my friend’s young children a few weeks ago for the day, we went to the garden centre and to the park and for an ide cream and they loved it. But now my dc are older it takes so much more to impress them!

I thought this would be the one thing that made teaching worth it, having the holidays with my kids, and it was great in the primary years, but now it just feels like that’s all gone and that stage is over.

I do have other interests - I read a lot - I’m on my 4th book so far this month and I am training for a half marathon but those are both quite solitary activities so maybe that is why I feel lonely.

I used to do a big chart for summer holidays and recorded when we did things. It stopped people saying we hadn't done anything and helped me pace bigger activities too. Maybe that would help you?

Not sure what this has to do with being a teacher. I’d e or t the 15 year old to arrange their own social life and activities, with just weekend trips with your DH included. The 12 year old probably needs a bit more but still arrange it and then ask you if you could drop them at xyz.
Thus is why I never see the attraction of living anywhere without reliable and frequent bus/tube/train services!

I suppose I mentioned being a teacher because if I had any other job I wouldn’t have this specific situation of being off work at the same time as dc. There is a sort of pressure and expectation of making the most of the holidays which you don’t get to choose the timing of and it has its own characteristics. That’s all.

It was definitely a perk of the job when they were primary aged but feels very different now.

I think a chart for the remaining weeks is a good idea. You can get the DC involved in creating it.

Embrace it. I used to struggle more when mine were younger, because I needed space but they wouldn't give me any.

I do find it hard to meet up with friends at times though- they get so used to you being unavailable, that when you suddenly have free time, you forget that other people make plans.

I'm lucky in that I've been away, but now I'm throwing myself into diy so that i can stop thinking about Thursday and the work i need to do.

I also have my own dc getting results next Thursday, so there's a double whammy of fear. Triple, with the additional pressure of school results HAVING to go up this year or we're screwed.

I used to do the chart, maybe I should bring it back.

@Asuitablecat good luck for Thursday- I will be in the same situation next year with dc1!

That’s exactly what I do. I do a calendar with space to write things in. I then write a list of bigger activities I want to do and places I want to go beside this calendar. I then spread them out and pencil those activities/visits in. On the other days, I choose smaller things, eg a visit to the library/park/cafe and record those. I also write down any bigger jobs I’ve done. I can then look back and see I’ve made good use of the time, have done things, and have had time to relax.

It’s also useful to remind the DC about what we’ve done. I find having a calendar like this helps me visualise the holiday and make the best use of it. It also helps me have ‘me time’ where I pencil in reading or watching a film or whatever.

Sorry to ready this OP.
When I was your DC’s age one of my favourite things was having a friend over for a sleepover, could you arrange this for each of your DC?
Regarding friends I don’t think it matters if you have context again to arrange a social and again it’s not too late to do this for this summer.
I was chatting to my teacher friend a couple of years ago when she didn’t go away in the summer and she’s like you and she said she’ll always try and go away now. At least you have a plan for next year.
Even if you’d done something massive everyday your DC may still say they’ve done nothing, that’s just what they are like at this age. Despite this on a thread a while ago about people’s best summers it was the teen ones that were the most popular.

I think sometimes teens don't actually know what they want. Or they do, but they're not old enough/ rich enough to do it. Dd would quite like trips to theme parks; a weekend away; day out to a city shopping; ziplining..... but that's not going to happen.

I used to drag mine out for walks or take them with me to meet other people when they were pre teens. But actually entertaining teens all the time is expensive. The family holiday tends to the the biggie, then we pretty much go our separate ways- unless i can coax them into a walk. Dc is always up for a shopping trip/ lunch out- unless, of course, she has a social engagement.

I don't think i engaged with my parents from 13 to 22 (no issue- just wanted to be with mates), so i think I'm doing well to have them still speak to me!