I’m feeling beyond shit right now and want the ground to swallow me up. I’m 25, been with my current partner for 2 years and I really do see a future with him and even have plans to move to his area. We’re very sexually active, don’t want to go too much into details but recently he started getting marks on his privates. We both genuinely thought nothing of it as the marks looked like scars and we ruled it off as it being from the amount of sex we have and friction.
Well…last week he went to get checked for the first time and he’s informed me today that I’ve given him an std. I know it can’t be from his previous partners as he’s only had two before me and they were both virgins and no cheating etc. I feel mortified and disgusted in myself for giving him something that he’ll now have to live with! My minds working overtime right now and I have no idea who gave it to me, how long I’ve had it for etc, I don’t understand how I had no symptoms.
Im currently staying at my partners house and he’s at work, he popped round for 10minutes to inform me I’ve given him something and asked who I’ve been cheating on him with. I haven’t cheated on him at all, we broke up for a bit at the start of last year and I met up with my ex, we were supposed to just talk as he said he wanted closure but we ended up sleeping together and when I told my current partner and tried to explain how me and him weren’t together at the time he called me a slag and said how men can sleep about but not women (even though he was also sleeping with an ex at the time). He left the house again after this conversation so I’m now here dwelling on everything and I feel like we didn’t even start talking about the whole situation properly, I want time to hurry up so he can come back and we can talk properly but it’s going so slow right now and I can’t relax or eat I feel so on edge.
I don’t know what our future together looks like now but I feel like my world’s just fallen apart. I hate myself for giving him something and can’t even describe how bad I feel…I don’t know if he’ll forgive me as right now I don’t even I can’t even forgive myself. Just needed to let this out as I’m feeling a whirlwind of negative emotions right now.