I’ve unknowingly given my partner an STD!

[MeganBoo]

I’m feeling beyond shit right now and want the ground to swallow me up. I’m 25, been with my current partner for 2 years and I really do see a future with him and even have plans to move to his area. We’re very sexually active, don’t want to go too much into details but recently he started getting marks on his privates. We both genuinely thought nothing of it as the marks looked like scars and we ruled it off as it being from the amount of sex we have and friction.

Well…last week he went to get checked for the first time and he’s informed me today that I’ve given him an std. I know it can’t be from his previous partners as he’s only had two before me and they were both virgins and no cheating etc. I feel mortified and disgusted in myself for giving him something that he’ll now have to live with! My minds working overtime right now and I have no idea who gave it to me, how long I’ve had it for etc, I don’t understand how I had no symptoms.

Im currently staying at my partners house and he’s at work, he popped round for 10minutes to inform me I’ve given him something and asked who I’ve been cheating on him with. I haven’t cheated on him at all, we broke up for a bit at the start of last year and I met up with my ex, we were supposed to just talk as he said he wanted closure but we ended up sleeping together and when I told my current partner and tried to explain how me and him weren’t together at the time he called me a slag and said how men can sleep about but not women (even though he was also sleeping with an ex at the time). He left the house again after this conversation so I’m now here dwelling on everything and I feel like we didn’t even start talking about the whole situation properly, I want time to hurry up so he can come back and we can talk properly but it’s going so slow right now and I can’t relax or eat I feel so on edge.

I don’t know what our future together looks like now but I feel like my world’s just fallen apart. I hate myself for giving him something and can’t even describe how bad I feel…I don’t know if he’ll forgive me as right now I don’t even I can’t even forgive myself. Just needed to let this out as I’m feeling a whirlwind of negative emotions right now.

Attack is the first line of defence- HE has an std and has managed to get you in tears for giving it to him, rather than (going ape-shit) and asking him who he has been cheating with. No wonder he came back in a different mood, because his plan worked!

Everything you have posted says this man is an outright cunt. Really, why are you even with him? Nothing about this controlling relationship is normal or healthy.

You see a future! If you stay with him, much of your future will be spent on MN asking for advice for the next dick move he makes.

Use this very unpleasant episode as a wake up call and dump him. Do The Freedom Programme if you are susceptible to controlling, abusive and toxic men. You deserve much better- it’s not sensible to say you attract these sorts of bastards and stay with one- wake the fuck up!

OMG - this update is awful.
He’s clearly a misogynistic twat.
And probably a cheating one too.

DUMP HIS SORRY ARSE @MeganBoo ASAP

Your partners not sexist, hes controlling and abusive. Hes hiding behind his sexism to be able to exert control over you and get away with what he wants

You really believe a man who doesn't let you go through his phone, wont let you have guy friends, believes that men can sleep around and not women is not going to cheat? That's generally the motivation behind that sort of controlling behaviour

Yes theres a small chance you've had latent herpes for 2 years with not a single outbreak and have now transmitted it to him again without any lesions, but its not the most likely. When you hear hooves think horses not zebras. Do not have unprotected sex with this man, at this stage you know he has herpes and you may not

Regardless this is not a good or healthy relationship to be in. It actually doesn't matter because he is not a decent man and you will be so much happier in the long run without him

.

He hates women. You’re a woman. You ignore that to continue the relationship.

It’s hard not to think you hate yourself as well.

OP he sounds absolutely vile.

Some STDs take time to show up. If you've both had previous partners, then it could have come from either of you.

Hope you are now home and away from this abusive man @MeganBoo. Do not for one second think his comments and his actions are not abuse. Thankfully you live a 100 miles away from him.

Unless you get symptoms, wait a couple of weeks before going for an STD test or you may get false negative results. Unless this is the first time you have seen him since sleeping with your ex, it is most likely he cheated and got the STD from someone else and is blaming you because he knows he may have infected you.

You should always, always, always get full STD tests between partners and use condoms until you have. Herpes is the virus that causes genital warts and it can be passed through oral sex and may also be asymptomatic in the carrier.

Right OP, I hope you're ok.

My take is that he has herpes he's had it all along and is trying to pass the blame onto you.

Get rid of the loser and dont worry, lots of people have it.

What a cunt.

Read this OP.

You deserve more.

OP all the things you described he’s abusive and controlling. Get out, now.

Get tested, and you’ll know yourself if you have it or not. And don’t have sex with him if he’s in active flare.

when I told my current partner and tried to explain how me and him weren’t together at the time he called me a slag and said how men can sleep about but not women (even though he was also sleeping with an ex at the time).

How can you possibly think this is what a good man would do?

It's just as likely that he's got it from the ex.

But honestly OP, that's not the problem. The problem is you are not applying critical thinking skills to your relationship with a Bad Man.

Edited to add - you think that a man who says that women should be judged by a different standard to men is a keeper? For god's sake OP, you need to examine how you absorbed these unjust ideas through therapy asap, and don't have another relationship until you value your agency as much as anyone else's.

Respectfully, you are not that stupid.

Nobody in their right mind would be in this relationship.

No words really for this. Enjoy losing yourself to this boy, because that’s what will happen. You’ll end up a shell of yourself.

Please think about how you would feel if this was your mum, sister, daughter. He is a cheat and a pig

OP do not get pregnant. Do not give him money or access to your finances. There is nothing good for you in this relationship. Read all this advice and watch him. Other posters have probably met/seen his type who are sad to say plentiful. The relationship won't get better because he won't.

Get tested, how many people have you had sex with since your last test and how many people has he's had sex with since his last test? He's only had sex with virgin's in his dreams. And if so I would think he is abusive, virgins are virgins because they are looking for 'the person', he was not it twice. Is this some sort of incurable STD and do you have it? I call bullshit all around..

Even if you do get tested it still doesn't prove who gave it to who!

Have a word with yourself, of course he hasn't only slept with virgins. Goes through your phone but you cant look at his, big red flag.
Honestly, if you were my daughter I would tell you to stop this relationship now. Looking into the future with him, having children, you would be run ragged whilst he did sod all. It does not bode well.
You can, and will do better.
And do not have sex with him again. Hopefully you don't have it, dont be persuaded by the argument that you both must already have it. If I had an std I would absolutely want my partner to be tested, so we could both be treated. Obviously he doesn't want you tested, because it knows it didn't come from you.

I'm glad he's acting civil. You have to keep up that pretence. Get him to get you home as planned then kick him to the kerb. He sounds a vile pig.

You absolutely must get tested.
He’s a controlling pillock and you deserve peace of mind.
Of course he doesn’t want you tested! If it comes back negative … you’ll know where the fault lies. He’s been in bed with someone else who’s given it to him.
Dont make a song & dance about it. Just quietly go without further recourse to him.

Good luck OP.

So let’s get this straight. You are having a relationship with a guy who accuses you of giving him an STD even though BOTH of you slept with previous partners, who could well - either of them - have been the source of this. He has no more right to blame you than you do him. But please be warned, OP, your BF is already engaging in coercive control - “he can go through my phone I can’t go through his, he can have female friends I can’t have guy friends, I have to tell him where I’m going he doesn’t have to tell me…”and if you stay with him, it will only get worse. This is a giant red flag. OP, you need to move on - he’s not the person you want to spend your life with.

Does when she doesn’t have it

Yes it is incurable

You know he is sexist. You hopefully know that all the stuff that he says and does is wrong. You can do better, you really can.

At 25 the world is your oyster. You don't need to be with anyone to be complete, let alone with someone as toxic as this. If you want to be unhappy for the rest of your life, the surest way to do that is to stay with this fuckwidget.

If she's been having sex with him she likely will!

If she's been having sex with him she likely will!