I’ve unknowingly given my partner an STD!

[MeganBoo]

I’m feeling beyond shit right now and want the ground to swallow me up. I’m 25, been with my current partner for 2 years and I really do see a future with him and even have plans to move to his area. We’re very sexually active, don’t want to go too much into details but recently he started getting marks on his privates. We both genuinely thought nothing of it as the marks looked like scars and we ruled it off as it being from the amount of sex we have and friction.

Well…last week he went to get checked for the first time and he’s informed me today that I’ve given him an std. I know it can’t be from his previous partners as he’s only had two before me and they were both virgins and no cheating etc. I feel mortified and disgusted in myself for giving him something that he’ll now have to live with! My minds working overtime right now and I have no idea who gave it to me, how long I’ve had it for etc, I don’t understand how I had no symptoms.

Im currently staying at my partners house and he’s at work, he popped round for 10minutes to inform me I’ve given him something and asked who I’ve been cheating on him with. I haven’t cheated on him at all, we broke up for a bit at the start of last year and I met up with my ex, we were supposed to just talk as he said he wanted closure but we ended up sleeping together and when I told my current partner and tried to explain how me and him weren’t together at the time he called me a slag and said how men can sleep about but not women (even though he was also sleeping with an ex at the time). He left the house again after this conversation so I’m now here dwelling on everything and I feel like we didn’t even start talking about the whole situation properly, I want time to hurry up so he can come back and we can talk properly but it’s going so slow right now and I can’t relax or eat I feel so on edge.

I don’t know what our future together looks like now but I feel like my world’s just fallen apart. I hate myself for giving him something and can’t even describe how bad I feel…I don’t know if he’ll forgive me as right now I don’t even I can’t even forgive myself. Just needed to let this out as I’m feeling a whirlwind of negative emotions right now.

He's done quite the number on you hasn't he OP?

First things first..get yourself booked in for a full screen. Get advice on herpes and what to do if you have an outbreak.

It sounds like he's been a rat in some way and is projecting on you. He could have had this for a long time and just didn't tell you. Don't believe a word he says.

As a sexual health nurse in my experience he has been cheating on you and trying to deflect. I see this alllllll the time. Women coming in in tears they’ve had chlamydia unknowingly for 6 months plus when I know for a fact I saw their partner the day before and they disclosed multiple other partners and I can’t say a word.

Bin him!

He has clearly been with someone else.

MEN ARE ALWAYS CHEATING.

Get TESTED, he has caught it from a prostitute, all men are like this.

BIN THE THING.

DONT TOUCH HIM AGAIN.

DO NOT TAKE THE RISK.

he called me a slag and said how men can sleep about but not women

You should break up with him for this alone. His attitude to women would not be good for you going forward.

I hope you've now realised how horrible he's being over the STD, as well. He's blamed you without a second thought. It's obvious he either caught it recently from someone else, or has known all along that he was carrying the infection. Either way, he had no care for your health and was only interested in trying to make you feel bad. He even tried to discourage you from seeing a doctor.

It's rather worrying that you took in everything he told you. I'm glad you posted here and got sensible replies! After you've got yourself home, dumped him and made a clinic appointment, maybe think about improving your assertiveness.

All the best

You can't get tested for herpes unless you have an active sore. It makes a difference what type it is too, if it's type one he could absolutely have got it from his ex partners from oral sex as most people carry the type one virus even if they don't get sores. Or you could have passed it on from oral sex without knowing you carry it. It's also possible you do carry the type two virus and gave it to him - but if you don't get sores you'll never actually know this.
Regardless, he sounds like a horrible bastard, so you should end it whatever the status of who gave who what.

he called me a slag and said how men can sleep about but not women

And you want to be with him why?

I’d say odds are that he cheated on you and is trying to pin the blame for his STD on you. There’s a good chance you don’t even have if you’ve never had an outbreak. In fact most doctors will not even test you if you don’t have an outbreak so there’s no way you could even have known you had it even if you did give it to him.

Bin this fucking loser now.

What have I just read?. he sounds ‘lovely’

How do you know these women were virgins he slept with and no cheating?. Just his word, right? .

If I were you OP I’d get home, end the relationship & get tested.

You deserve way better x

... when I told my current partner and tried to explain how me and him weren’t together at the time he called me a slag and said how men can sleep about but not women (even though he was also sleeping with an ex at the time)

WTAF is this? You should dump him for this alone. Awful misogynistic thinking. I would put money on him not wanting you to test is because you may test negative and he's the carrier. I also think he knew he had it. There have been cases of men deliberately infecting women before.

Fortunately, you don't live near him so once you've dumped him, you never need to see him again.

This all sounds very suspicious. He doesn't want you to get tested?

And setting that aside, he called you a slag and thinks it's okay for men to have multiple partners but not women?

You are too young to tie yourself to someone this reprehensible. Use this as an opportunity to find someone who treats you better and respects women.

Doesn’t want her to get tested because he hasn’t given her it yet. Can’t blame her if she doesn’t have it can he

Thank you all for the support, it’s really appreciated! I completely understand how my partner saying men can sleep around but women can’t is wrong, don’t want to go off topic, but while I’m here I may as well admit my partner is sexist and has a lot of sexist beliefs which I avoid talking to him about as I don’t agree and it causes arguments. Things such as he can go through my phone I can’t go through his, he can have female friends I can’t have guy friends, I have to tell him where I’m going he doesn’t have to tell me…all because he’s a man and I’m a woman. I know you may question why I’m with a guy like this but I’ve been in quite a lot of toxic/abusive relationships so my standards have become low.

Update. Yesterday he came back after work and acted like nothing had happened, we had plans to go out on a date and continued those plans, both acting normal and on good terms. I do feel like he’s acting way too calm considering the type of std he’s got however I can’t complain as I’d rather that then arguing. I appreciate everyone saying he’s given it to me but in all honesty there’s no way I can be sure if I had it previously and have transmitted it to him, I do believe that could be the case. I’m going to get tested. But really grateful for the amount of support!

Fuck sake, this is a terrible relationship. Please raise your standards.

Virgins? Both of them? Haha right.

I want to be totally clear with you.

he can go through my phone I can’t go through his, he can have female friends I can’t have guy friends, I have to tell him where I’m going he doesn’t have to tell me…

None of this is in anyway normal and you are in an abusive relationship.

You should leave this fucking clown asap.
Also do the freedom programme.

Get yourself tested. And then dump him.

This op. He’s a cheater and a liar. I’m really sorry

You need to contact your ex and ask him if he has the same STD. At least that way you will be pretty sure where it came from. Probably won’t help with your current situation though.🙁

he is abusive. he doesn't want you to be tested as you haven't got it YET and he's cheated or used sex workers.
Bin him. Get counselling so you recognise the signs early of abusive relationships.

Op, your update is incredibly sad.
This isn’t a happy healthy relationship, we can choose to forgive all sorts in a relationship but I can’t see anything good about this at all.

You mention you’ve been in awful relationships before - that doesn’t mean you have to let the pattern continue.

Non of this is okay OP.
Your update is almost worse than your original post!
You are in an abusive relationship, and if you continue to sleep with him you may well get an lifelong virus you don't actually have yet! Please consider that thought because you are only young and do need to consider that you won't be with this guy forever (I guarantee it)
Contact your ex and advise they need to be tested and vigilant because that is the responsible thing to do when you don't know which direction this came from but honestly, I don't believe it was you. Do you?

So your boyfriend is the one with the STD but it must be you that's given it to him?? OP, I'm sorry to say, but he sounds horrendous. Your update confirms what a manipulative dick he is. Please take a step back, read all the responses on here, and be honest with yourself. You deserve so much better than this abusive man.

Jesus OP, higher your standards.

He's not just sexist he's bloody controlling and abusive. Get home, block and work on your self worth.

Come on now,

Raise your standards,

Give it time, There will be an other blow-up and you'll be wondering why you wasted more time.