What’s a tiny, yet unhinged, thing an ex did? Light-hearted

[RiotNotDiet]

A small, seemingly minor thing that you look back on and go ‘thank god we didn’t stay together?’ I just had a memory pop up of the time my ex husband and I were just sitting chatting in bed. I accidentally let out a teeny tiny fart and obviously said ‘oops excuse me’. Bear in mind this guy was hugely overweight, ate mostly just takeaway like kebabs and pizza, and would constantly let/force out rip roaring stinking farts with abandon and laugh it off. Honestly he was a pig and I can’t believe my younger self put up with that.

He went bonkers at my tiny trump. Went on about how disgusting it was. I was stunned, because it’s natural, was not intended, I didn’t shove his head under the duvet and laugh or anything, and I had quickly said excuse me. He went on and on about it, even to the point that it was discussed in at least 2 or 3 sessions of our couples therapy (we were already on the rocks, no surprise!) I was so baffled, it was like it was the first fart he’d ever heard in his life or something and he just couldn’t understand why I had farted. God knows how the therapist kept a straight face!

Phoned a business that I was thinking of applying too, to tell them how trust worthy and nice I was…. I stopped sharing any info and my bed with him that day! 🦇💩

I took one of all his socks and took the batteries out of everything. But he was an asshole dating an 18 year old when he was in his 30s!

I’m sure the cat was grateful for something to shit in although your ex’s slippers may have been an appropriate gesture

"She turns on TV
Guess who she sees?
Skater boy rockin' up MTV"

If we had an argument (common theme was me refusing to do his chores to allow him to spend weekends playing golf while I stayed home with the kids - doing his chores) he'd give me the silent treatment but also do something to upset me. Typically this was hiding the car keys so I couldn't go out. Once though I went to the car and he'd put this huge chain round the steering wheel and pedals so that I couldn't use it. A few days later he'd act like nothing had happened and everything was normal again.

Developed an obsession with keto, ‘raw food’ and intermittent fasting, the moment I saw him eating - oh my god hang on I have to compose myself - a ‘dinner‘ that was just four plain very soft-boiled eggs and then lick the yolk off the plate it was done, I nearly threw up.

He also used to do that sad sack thing of calling it the ‘keto protocol’ like he was in the army

Had a toddler style tantrum, pumping his arms and legs. Something to do with he couldn’t make his computer work.

Refused payout from the insurance
conpany for the damaged carpet because it was a voucher for Carpetright rather than money to pay the supplier of his choice.

Insisted that he would still walk round the kitchen in his muddy welllies even if he was the one who had just minutes before scrubbed the kitchen floor.

Having watched a TV documentary about healthy eating in which they explained that even fresh fruit juice was just as high in sugar as Coca Cola, he insisted that fruit juice was good for him. He now has diabetes.

I had been single for a few years and said to my then boyfriend how nice it would be to be in a couple on Valentine's Day.

At about 5 past midnight, he wrote a card in front of me, put it in the envelope then sort of frisbeed it to me. He didn't even bother to hand it to me.

There were lots more small incidents.

Stropped like a toddler because I didn’t buy him a really expensive PlayStation controller for Christmas even though he knew I had no money, because he’d refused to pay a share of the presents for our children.

Would buy himself fun stuff in November. Making it all but impossible to buy him Christmas presents.

When he was working 2 days, 2 nights, 4 days off, would text me about 4pm from home, whilst I was at work to ask what (I) was (making) for tea that night.

Would step over or walk around a basket of clean wet washing but not hang it up, but if I asked him to hang it up would rage about being given ‘a list of jobs’

Took all the tools (drill, saw, screwdrivers etc) out of the garage, even though I did all the DIY and he was useless.

Would expect effusive gratitude and praise (and sex) if he stacked the dishwasher.

After we split up he told me he had been offered a job in a secret service (he was not forthcoming about which one it was) and because of the nature of the job he'd have to have sole custody of our DD, and she'd be looked after by bodyguards and I would get to see her once every 3 weeks. He even told his parents this story.

Sorry but this image came into
my mind

My ex and my best friend had been shagging all through my very high risk pregnancy and he finally left me for her when bubs was 5 months old (he beat me up,smashed my house up,told my dc some nasty lies and tried to snatch the baby)

He'd done fuck all to help me while I was pregnant and was just pissed off I wasn't up for sex within hours of giving birth

He acted amazed I wasn't really chuffed for him,I mean leaving me and his child for her meant his life could really get going and I should have been pleased for him

They lasted 6 weeks (he was sex mad and she had mental health problems,sling in her enabling mother and it was a power keg waiting to go off,the last straw was when she burnt their house down with them in it)

He demanded that I (at my own cost,skint single mum) bag up all his stuff and send it to her house

The main thing was his xbox-id bought it (he was a cocklodger) and all his games,it was his pride and joy

So I said to my brother,'drive all his stuff round,bar the xbox and games-flog it,whatever you get for it,that's your petrol money'

Brothers mate was dead chuffed to get an xbox and games for £20,I got his crap out of my house and it really pissed ex off

Years later,I bumped into him and he told me that he would sit and listen to cher 'if I could turn back time' and cry about me (for years afterwards) but I shouldn't have flogged his xbox as 'it really hurt me'

Hurt him?!

He should have had a kicking to the bollocks as well as losing that xbox

He had some cheek as he pulled every trick in the book not to pay csa-not seeing his dc being one of them ('I won't pay as I don't see him')

My first boyfriend lasted 6 months. When I finished it because he was controlling, he demanded I return a half empty box of condoms. Nothing else of his, just the half box of johnnos. Weirdo.

Namechanged for this- unsurprisingly. I've told this story before.

Had an ex boyfriend. Who was more than a bit........ weird. Amongst other things he would absolutely refuse to even stand up on a bus, let alone start to get off it unless the bus had stopped and the doors had opened. More than once the bus driver went flying past our stop. Ex boyfriend would then start crying. Proper snot, tears and howling that no-one cared about him.

The most weird and all out revolting was the day we were in a shopping centre. We were in poundstretcher at the time with the toilets less than a minute's walk away. However he decided that he wasn't prepared to wait to go to the toilet and defecated 'in a quiet corner' instead. He had no medical reason to do this. Even more disgustingly he didnt do anything about it, just left it.

He also had a pathological hatred of onions in all forms. He would refuse to even go in the door of a cafe/restaurant if they had any involvement with onions incase they 'contaminated' his food with them. Literally a miniscule piece of onion touching the outside packaging of his food would be enough for him to start with the noisy crying thing again. We spent a lot of time that summer eating in a truly disgusting greasy spoon cafe because he could 'trust' their food. Including travelling across the city- a good couple of hours on a bus.

Erm... how long did you go out with him after the Poundstretcher incident?

Why is it so many of these man babies value a games console over their kids?
Mine wanted a Sega MD for Christmas in the 90's (pre DC) which was really expensive. I bought one as a surprise on store credit monthly payment plan despite having no money because I already paid most bills every month. The month that I made the final payment, he decided that he deserved the money instead and sold it to a bloke in the pub and then wasted the money on crap.

When I left him, he insisted that the Tesco Clubcard+ was part of the 'house' despite it being in my name and kept it because he'd need it for his food. The idiot actually thought that I'd continue to put £200 on it monthly for him to buy food because it was the household card. I cancelled the card as 'lost' and transferred all the points to a new account at my new address. He phoned me ranting a week later because he'd been marched out of his local Tesco by security for having a toddler style melt down when he tried to buy his weekly shopping with the house clubcard and surprise, surprise it didn't work! He was so worked up that customer services were thinking of calling the police and an ambulance because they were worried about his mental health. He had to go to a different shop for about a year until he was sure that they'd forgotten all about him.

Sounds very much like an unfortunate mix of autism, OCD and some more serious intellectual and/or personality disorder tbh.

If poop-day was not your final day of the relationship though, then ew.

Oh fuck yes! I’ve been blissfully single for 15 years! The end came not long after PlayStation controller Christmas, he was also a serial cheater, he used Twitter like tinder, I found solid proof of an affair and I kicked him out less than a month later.

Did he use the litter?

The first time I saw him crying on the bus would have been it really.

He shat in a corner in a shopping centre???

Yes, he really did take a shite in Poundstretcher. I distinctly remember that because of the 'quiet corner' comment he made. As if something as truly abhorrent as this was an everyday occurrence.
There is much, much more weirdness than this but if I haven't already outed myself enough then the rest of it definitely would. Oddly enough after the first few toddler tantrums although I was embarrassed as hell about them I used to kind of ignore it. At the time what used to annoy me the most was having to stick across a huge city on a hot (and unreliable) bus just to go to this f***g cafe. There are food ingredients I don't especially like (looking at you, celery) but I don't go as far as only eating in one place or interrogating staff if they contaminate their food with it- yeah thats another exact phrase he used to use.

He had an unusual spelling of a common-ish surname (think Waylker instead of Walker, and no that's not his name) and I've had a search for him. I can't find any trace of him but I have managed to find his brother. Who I remember definitely did have some mental health and other issues going on so who knows? It's around 25-ish years ago though.

Didn't know how to spell his own first name