What’s a tiny, yet unhinged, thing an ex did? Light-hearted

[RiotNotDiet]

A small, seemingly minor thing that you look back on and go ‘thank god we didn’t stay together?’ I just had a memory pop up of the time my ex husband and I were just sitting chatting in bed. I accidentally let out a teeny tiny fart and obviously said ‘oops excuse me’. Bear in mind this guy was hugely overweight, ate mostly just takeaway like kebabs and pizza, and would constantly let/force out rip roaring stinking farts with abandon and laugh it off. Honestly he was a pig and I can’t believe my younger self put up with that.

He went bonkers at my tiny trump. Went on about how disgusting it was. I was stunned, because it’s natural, was not intended, I didn’t shove his head under the duvet and laugh or anything, and I had quickly said excuse me. He went on and on about it, even to the point that it was discussed in at least 2 or 3 sessions of our couples therapy (we were already on the rocks, no surprise!) I was so baffled, it was like it was the first fart he’d ever heard in his life or something and he just couldn’t understand why I had farted. God knows how the therapist kept a straight face!

Went off at me because I said I wasn’t comfortable with him going round to see his ex girlfriend that evening. Safe to say we broke up shortly after.

No I had kicked him out and was selling the family home and buying a place for me and the kids - he was an asshat

When I told him I was leaving him (unemployed musician) he told me I would regret it when he was famous, I'd see him on MTV and wish I had stayed with him. I was already certain of my decision but at that point I could hardly keep a straight face.

By the way he isn't famous, I never saw him on MTV and I have no regrets.

Shortly into the relationship, started meowing like a cat and biting me before sex, or when lounging on the sofa... he also didn't stop when I told him I was uncomfortable with it (red flag). I don't know whether it was something playful he did with his ex and assumed it was the norm, but it was uncomfortable as hell having a fully grown man cosplay a big cat as we're about to get intimate...

He also believed that lazy Sunday mornings were "for silence" (??) - and actually put his finger up to my lips in bed one morning and announced "you talk too much"...

Strange man. Should have been born a big cat or a monk. Needless to say I ended that one swiftly.

I used to have to leave the house at 6.30 am to catch train for work and only got home at 7pm. It was my routine that I went to the loo as soon as I got home as I was in such a rush first thing I didn't have time and didn't want to "go" at work. Ex-dh worked late afternoon/evenings so I didn't see him until later but he weirdly started to call home as soon he knew I was back and he'd run upstairs and bang on the bathroom door telling me to get out as he desperately needed the toilet. We only had one toilet and it was as if he took great pleasure in disturbing me. Also, I worked in customer services and him and his mate thought it was funny to phone my boss, putting on stupid voices, and tell her they wanted to make a complaint about me, the idiot nearly lost me my job. I was only early 20s and the marriage lasted just over a year. I've since been married to a normal man for nearly 30 years!

He made us food, it was pasta with cheese, after I had eaten it he said oh by the way you had no knives washed up so I bit into the cheese with my teeth. wtf?! Still feel disgusted by it years later.

One of mine wouldn’t let me vacuum the new carpet in our home for six whole months because his mum had told him carpets need to be “settle in” to avoid being damaged when you use a vacuum cleaner on them.

His mum had told him you also need to have a length of toilet paper folder to provide 7 layers of paper before wiping your bum. To avoid germs permeating through and getting on your hands.

He also insisted on washing his hands every time we had intimate contact. I suspect he came up with that without his mum’s advice. It was awful. I tried to tolerate it as an OCD but it’s a massive mood-killer when your partner jumps up for a “2 minute ablution” just before you are about to engage in PIV sex.

When I left he cried and cried.

My ex used to constantly move my hair clip. I have one big claw clip I wear to bed and I put it on my bedside table always. He would move it and hide it basically and then swear up and down he didn’t and that I moved it. It drove me fucking mad and part of me thinks it was an effort to make me go insane. He didn’t do anything else like this, he was basically fine, but one day I fucking snapped at him and he started crying. I kind of feel bad but not really. I was like 16 and he was 25 so I definitely don’t feel that bad.

I was always the one calling off relationships, so it was a shock when a guy called it off with me. I asked him why and said I wasn't musical enough.

I play 3 instruments, listen to music when I can, go to live gigs etc. I've been happily married for years now, but do often wonder how more musical I needed to be? 😕

Not too many light hearted ones but if we were in the local pub he would suddenly start doing The Carlton..
He thought he was a young un (in his 30'S.)
Was a huge relief when I threw him out..

Oh I had something like this - I was dumped because I didn’t like camping and I didn’t even own a fleece

The way he said it, it was like I wasn’t a full human being

Mine stared gormlessly into his phone while plucking his beard hairs with (my) tweezers.

He’d grip the hair, pull this stupid face, pluck the hair, look at the hair, flick the hair away and then resume staring gormlessly at his phone.

He’d do this for HOURS!

My ex would butt into strangers conversations, stood in a queue somewhere, he would start giving opinions to overheard convos, etc, the worst was when would be in a pub or sat outside the pub drinking, a few people (strangers) would start getting a bit sweary in their chats (this was London in the 80s) I had no problem with other peoples language which wasnt even directed at me, he would butt in saying "dont use that language in front of my missus" . One more than one instance he almost got into a fight. Very embarrassing and a red flag that I chose to ignore. He was also a compulsive liar. When I finally binned him, one of his acquaintances said to me "that guy could start a fight in an empty room"
His observation was absolutely spot on!!

@ThisLittleLightOfMineee he gave you half bitten cheese? Wtf 😂

@Cally58 that’s really awful - toilet was controlling and him calling your boss is unbelievable, what a tool!

I need to know if you even had a cat?? 🐈

Far less serious than some of these, but an ex of mine used to wear a suit all day at work. Because of this he would just iron the front of his shirts. When I’d see him in the evenings (including in public) the whole shirt would be a crumpled mess bar a little strip around the buttons.

I developed an ick very fast.

It’s a control thing. You leave the house when he dictates he’s good and ready and not a moment before. You can guess how I know 🤪

Yes exactly. My father used to do it. Or he would mess about with his banjo (not a euphemism) and then at the last moment yell "Why didn't anyone tell me the time!" and rage about making a huge show of getting ready.

Yes. I did gave a cat. So it didnt go to waste.
Just not the most christmassy of presents. 🤣

My exh used to hide the house keys. He'd leave the house at 6.30 leaving me to get both kids up, fed, dressed, and out to school. Every day for months and months he'd take my keys out of the door and creep about downstairs finding a new place to hide them. He'd then not answer his mobile when I called him to tell me where they were after spending 20 minutes or more on top of an already crazy morning trying to find them. He stopped answering his office phone too, so I once called his boss and told him I'd been locked indoors and could he page exh on the tannoy so I could get out of the house. He never did THAT again but it took me far too long to leave...

This is hilarious.

He called Philadelphia ‘spreading cheese’. No idea why it icked me so much but it really did.

Mind you, he was also chronically late for everything, had erectile dysfunction, and turned out to have a heroin habit. So the cheese thing was the least of my problems with him!

My ex was an abusive cunt-there where no levels he wouldn't stoop to

I ended it (after one load of abuse too much) and he moved out to his mother's house

What I didn't know was he'd had a key cut and he'd keep an eye out for me going out and either stalk me ('you spoke to x' or 'you went to x shop and bought xyz') or he'd let himself in and snoop

He was caught going through my knicker drawer when I came home earlier than he expected

I slung him out and to keep the peace,didn't go to the police

He stalked me for a few more months before losing interest

30 years after leaving him,he still thinks of me as he possession and is 'fuming' that i went on to have other boyfriends and am very happy with dp

This prince among men refused to pay a penny for our dc,walked away from them and it's all my fault they don't want to know him now they are adults

Dd did go to find him as a teen and he just slagged me off endlessly

She was stood holding his ipad when he came up behind her and slapped her round the head,she screamed and dropped it (smashing it)

He screamed that 'your fucking mother will be replacing that!' and she told him 'to take it out of the money you should have paid for us' before walking out

All my fault (again)

Stole one of our cats, whom, to be fair, she had originally found as a kitten, but still...

It didn't last long, though, because he miaowed all night and weed on the floor (which he'd never done before) and she brought him back again.

DH started working as a recovery vehicle driver, would park up somewhere near Central London and wait for a call from Control. Asked if he could park near my office and hang out with me, use the loo, drink coffee etc - told absolutely not, new job in a very structured professional office with client information on desks etc. He asked again, I said firmly "no". Week later. Reception called me to say my DH was there - standing with a stupid grin on his face. I was furious - let him use the loo while colleagues heads turned, and told him to leave. He said sorry that evening, that he "didn't realise that was what the office set up was". Despite me telling him, despite me saying no twice. (Is now ExDH).