Me and my partner have minor/ moderate learning disabilities. Should we have children?

[Benny91]

As I feel it wouldn’t be right to have any?

Do you know anyone with a learning disability that has children? As I find it quite rare with our disabilities to have children!

We are both 33

Both of those can exist without learning difficulties, which is what the OP was asking.

what is the nature of your learning disabilities and how does it affect your life?
You say you ar a bus driver, which requires a level of learning and testing that suggests you are capable of learning.

My father has mild learning difficulties and my mother had deafness. It was genetic and passed onto my siblings and their children. I was the youngest child yet because everyone’s carer. My siblings got partners without disabilities and they took over support for them. I continued to take care of both parents, until one passed away. I do resent them as it is a lot of work for me and my father makes bad decisions because he lack’s common sense. You should never have children as it would be cruel. Just enjoy your lives together.

Nope, IQ is still the most common definition, for all its flaws. Of course that doesn't mean that everyone must be IQ tested to confirm learning disabilities (eg those with profound and multiple learning disabilities), but it is often stipulated by social care or support services for the higher functioning. As an ed psych I often get asked if an identified learning difficulty (in education) constitutes a learning disability (in health).

Yes it's frustrating that the terminology doesn't match up. I perceived it to be because one can have academic barriers - learning DIFFICULTIES - which might not be a huge issue in terms of life skills and independence. For example if one is functioning at around 5-8th percentile, that will make academics hard and constitutes an educational learning difficulty. But it isn't a life long learning disability - you will probably be just fine outside of school.

This post seems suspicious but ok…

If it was up to mumsnet the only people who would have children would be earning over £100,000 a year so as not to need to rely on the taxpayer for anything and then the economy would collapse within the next 30 years as we’d have no children being born to continue to work and pay taxes to pay for the aging population. So probably best not to seek opinions from mumsnet.

If you are both independent and able to hold down jobs then it seems like your mild learning disabilities do not have a big impact in to how you manage in your day to day lives. So if you both think you are capable of raising a child then you can do what you want. If you have any concerns that you wouldn’t be able to manage and you don’t have a support network, then you should make an informed decision to choose not to. Only you know your situation

See this is the sort of stuff you put in with your OP. When I read your OP, it felt like a test.

If you run your own lives independently then why shouldn't you have kids?. Just look at the extra bits if your child inherits whatever disabilities you both have,. Genetics and whatnot.

If is have known autism/ADHD run back through the families before I had kids. I absolutely wouldn't have. We can make informed choices these days.

You ask this every few weeks.

You get the same advice each time.

You originally said a learning difficulty is a specific issue that doesn't affect general cognition. That is not the case in education law. A learning difficulty is either general or specific. General learning difficulties are exactly that - global delay. Specific learning difficulties may not affect overall cognition, such as a specific language issue or a specific memory problem.

A general learning difficulty may constitute a learning disability, this is generally defined as lowest 2%. However mild learning difficulties are usually between 2% and 12% Ile; this wouldn't constitute a learning disability.

If you want children and are capable of conceiving naturally I can’t see how anyone can stop you.

‘Should’ you? Nobody can say. To try to do so would be getting onto very shaky ground.

your learning difficulties cannot be that severe if you are a bus driver and she is a nursery nurse. Both of those jobs need to have a relatively stable level of intelligence.

Have you been diagnosed as having learning difficulties?

I cannot see any problem at all in you both having children.

your learning difficulties cannot be that severe if you are a bus driver and she is a nursery nurse. Both of those jobs need to have a relatively stable level of intelligence.

Have you been diagnosed as having learning difficulties?

I cannot see any problem at all in you both having children.

If anonymous opinions on the internet “make you depressed” and lash out it’s probably not a good idea to have children in this moment in time.

I think it’s more that if you have to ask it’s probably a no as you need to be 100% confident before you try, and even then it’s hard and things go wrong.

I've reported your thread because you keep starting threads on this topic and MNHQ keep deleting them.

Yes which is what made me suspicious of the post. ‘Mumsnet supports eugenics’

Well, if your girlfriend can look after children for work, I don’t see why she can’t be a parent.

Are these diagnosed learning difficulties? There’s such a big range in learning difficulties though, so it’s hard to give an opinion.

And it would just be an opinion. No one on here knows you, or what you and your wife are capable of, so don’t take a thread on here to heart.

It does sound like you have so much going for you. You have a financially stable home and your wife is experienced with children.

Is your marriage happy and secure? Are you both on the same page about how you would raise your children? If so, it sounds like you’re streets ahead of so many people who do have children 💐

I know a woman with mild learning disabilities, she has 4 DC. The father has no learning disabilities.

3 of the Dc have pretty severe learning disabilities, the 8 year old is still in nappies, the older one struggled to find a place in a special school so was permanently at home for several months.The children are either going to be at home forever, or need some kind of assisted living in the future. It’s not a life I would want to risk giving a child.

You said mild/moderate learning disability. Moderate learning disability means an IQ of 35 to 50 and needing significant support day to day in supportive living arrangements. I cannot see how someone with moderate learning disability can look after a child as they are unable to fully meet their own needs let alone someone else. I imagine the child would be taken into foster care, kinship care or adopted. So no I don’t think someone with moderate learning disability should have a child.

Someone with mild learning disability may be able to raise a child with support depending on the circumstances.

All depends on your capabilities.......both my dc have SEN and as a result I know a lot of young sen people who have had babies. Of those I know only 2 have managed to keep and raise their children, both excellent parents who had to jump through hoops to prove themselves. One is a single mum now and the other has a partner who doesn't have a learning disability and provides a lot of stability.

So OP, you stated ‘I feel it wouldn’t be right to have any?’ Then took offence and called the site ‘ableist’ when people agreed with you.

What are your reasons for feeling it wouldn’t be right to have kids?

Struggle with what tho? You both hold down Jon's, have reasonable salaries, it doesn't sound like you have any profound learn in issues? You live independently fro mthe sounds of it, I assume keep yourselves clean etc? Eho is telling you you shouldn't have kids?

Are these diagnosed learning difficulties?

Learning difficulties means things like dyslexia or dyspraxia and can be accompanied by a high IQ. Low IQ is a learning disability.

IQ is considered an outdated measure but still a useful shorthand here.

The only priority here is the child. If you can look after them, it’s non congenital, care for them, and help them to reach their potential, then fine.

If not, then no, not really.

I vote yes if it’s what u want and there are people out there (professionals) that can help

You definitely do not have moderate learning disability. You probably do not even have mild learning disability. Possibly just on the lower end of normal. Lots of people on the lower end of normal IQ have kids and raise them.