Impact of missing the first few weeks of reception…

[Bea276]

My 4-year-old needs surgery for a condition that affects his day-to-day life, although it’s not considered urgent.

His consultant would ideally like to carry out the operation within the next four weeks. The timing is difficult because he would then need a few weeks to recover, which would mean missing the start of Reception.

He is already quite anxious about starting school as none of his nursery friends are going with him. He had several transition sessions before the summer (almost weekly during the last half term), and drop-offs were difficult and he says he doesn’t want to go and wants to go back to nursery with his friends.

I am concerned that missing the initial settling-in period, when routines and friendships are forming, could make the transition more challenging for him.

The consultant has said it may be possible to have the surgery in October or November. The downside of delaying is that there is still a risk his condition could lead to intermittent absences from school in the meantime. There is no risk of it worsening.

Has anyone’s child missed the start of Reception? How did they settle when they eventually started?

Oh what a pain! I do sympathise and that’s a double load of worry for you but if you possibly can, I’d avoid missing those weeks, especially if he’s starting without a known circle of mates already.

It's definitely not an ideal time to miss, but I think it depends how much his condition impacts him day to day as to whether it's worth it.

I mean surely the surgery is the priority and speaking to the teacher about how best to integrate him afterwards. They will be able to develop a plan and he will be in a much more robust position to join in having recovered from surgery which hopefully means he won't be experiencing health issues on a daily basis.

This is my gut feeling, most of the children went to the nursery so do know each other. Although he’s worried he’s very sociable, I don’t want him starting off on the back foot. Equally this surely will help with his fatigue and energy levels so the sooner the better in some ways.

I think it's best to get it done as soon as you can. I'd ask that a TA could maybe keep an eye and help your dd settle in. TAs can be very nurturing. We had experience of that when dh died and there was a special place dd went for sessions with the TA. If you think immediately starting full days might be overwhelming, you could ask if she could have a gradual build up.

If your ds is sociable he'll have a head start, so that's good.

Oops, just realised I've changed your son's sex! Sorry!

If his condition is causing fatigue and energy level issues then I would bite the bullet and get it done. There isn’t a word for how exhausting the first term of proper school is, and I had a DS who did 4 full days a week of nursery. He was a zombie for the first term, it’s so tiring for them. It’s not a nice situation to be in though OP and I wish you both well.

Sounds like your DD goes to a lovely school. The school seem brilliant. I know they would try and integrate him and have staff who could help. My main worry is that DS is so aware of everything, and will absolutely know he’s missed the start and this would bother him. His younger brother would absolutely take this in his stride and I’d be less concerned if it was him!

I wasn’t expecting the surgery to be offered so quickly so it’s taken me back a bit too. I was expecting a 12 month wait.

It's not the same at all, but DS1 got ill and had to have the first full week of reception off after having done the first two days of term. I was quite worried about it because it felt like such a crucial period but it was absolutely fine very quickly. He was a bit reluctant to go back the first couple of days and that was the end of it. Friendships are very fluid at that age so it didn't seem to really affect it.

It’s not ideal, but this is one of those few things worth missing the start for. Just get it over with.

I work in a reception class. His health has to come first get the operation done and the rest can be tackled when he is well enough.

When he is on the mend and happy to do so you could do some of the initial phonics sounds with him just to help bridge the gap. The school should be able to help.

Before he starts he could do some extra transition visits to help him get used to the setting again if you think that would help.

Work with the school to find the best way to make it as stress free as possible for him but put the operation first.

good luck!

I’d go for the surgery. Better to have a delayed start rather than a disruption a Month or two in.

I would do it as soon as possible and then settle him into school instead of settling then pausing then doing it all over again. And given the impact on his life, feeling better as soon as possible would be my priority and then he’d be more able to make friends and such when he’s feeling more up for it.

When I was in reception we had staggered start dates anyway (80s) and when new people started everyone was falling over themselves to be friends with the new children. I would prioritise the surgery especially as your son is a sociable sort x

I’d talk to the teacher about the settling in arrangements. In my DC’s primary they split the class and half did mornings and the other afternoons (swapping each week) so didn’t go in for full days all together until October. So they all had to get to know each other then.

If that’s the case he won’t miss too much, he could maybe phase in after a shorter time, and will be around and feeling well to develop friendships better in the months afterwards.
I’m sure the teacher can pair him up with a buddy to help orient him as well.

So not the same, but I am a late summer birthday and when I started school, they made us start after Easter. It was awful as everyone else knew the routines and patterns and each other. I don’t think I ever felt I fitted in.
I’d find a way to let him start reception if I were you, and talk to the teacher about how they can keep in touch with him (cards from his class etc )

I’d go for the surgery as soon as possible in my experience. Our reception class had three students leave and two start part way through the year. I think because birth rates are so low and classes aren’t always full. There has also been a lot of students away on holiday for a week or two as they’re not yet 5. None of this has affected friendships etc. There’s a lot of movement I’d go for it.

Thank you. He thankfully knows the letter sounds and can form most letters, write his name - we have been going to a brilliant play based phonics class and so whilst he doesn’t love phonics, hopefully he won’t end up massively behind.

He’s only just turned 4 though so I am concerned about him being a summer born boy and missing the start.

They did the transition weekly from June so the plan is full days from day 1!

Is there any chance he could have it right at the end of a term and have the holidays to recover? At least he would miss less and he would already have started and settled in.

I would aim for the operation as soon as possible. Sounds like it will be better for him in the long run.
Our Reception had a very slow start to the beginning of term, so you won't be missing as much as later in the year.
Maybe he could 'write' some messages to his new classmates and they could correspond back, so there is awareness of him and he's maintaining a link.

Definitely go for the surgery before he starts. If he's like most Reception kids he may well get coughs, colds etc later on and then may miss the October etc surgery dates.
Best to get it over & done with and out of the way rather than have it hanging over him plus he won't want to miss school once he has started it.

It's only the first few weeks of Reception and I totally understand that at the time it feels huge but as time goes along you will see it has made no difference at all.

Friendships change so often at that age I think it’ll be less stressful for him to start later and meet new people than start, disappear for a few weeks and then adjust again to going back to school.

Hope the surgery goes well OP, really hope it’s all ok.

I would go with having the operation asap and start reception once he's recovered. He really won't miss anything by starting a bit later and will very quickly settle in with his classmates.

I held one of my summer born sons back to start reception in January rather than September. He was the only from his preschool going to that school, the only one starting in January and had no idea that the others had already started and been there a few months when he joined the class and he fitted in just fine.