Impact of missing the first few weeks of reception…

[Bea276]

My 4-year-old needs surgery for a condition that affects his day-to-day life, although it’s not considered urgent.

His consultant would ideally like to carry out the operation within the next four weeks. The timing is difficult because he would then need a few weeks to recover, which would mean missing the start of Reception.

He is already quite anxious about starting school as none of his nursery friends are going with him. He had several transition sessions before the summer (almost weekly during the last half term), and drop-offs were difficult and he says he doesn’t want to go and wants to go back to nursery with his friends.

I am concerned that missing the initial settling-in period, when routines and friendships are forming, could make the transition more challenging for him.

The consultant has said it may be possible to have the surgery in October or November. The downside of delaying is that there is still a risk his condition could lead to intermittent absences from school in the meantime. There is no risk of it worsening.

Has anyone’s child missed the start of Reception? How did they settle when they eventually started?

My dd didn’t start until after October half term but for different reasons- house move so didn’t want her starting and then changing 6 weeks later. No problems at all but she was soooo excited when she finally got to start.

Ah just remembered how often both mine brought home various illnesses at the start of p1. I’d definitely get it done asap for that reason as well - before he’s mixing with a whole new set of germs.

If he's summer born you could choose to delay his start entirely and have him begin school in September 2027 at just-turned-5? Possibly too challenging to arrange this logistically at such a late stage, though.

He really does need to have the operation now. A girl in my son's year missed much of the first year due to cancer and by Christmas of Year 1 had enough genuine friends to fill a massive birthday party. She was also sociable and well-supported by her engaged parents who both supported her learning but also organised strategic play dates / party attendance and things in her first few weeks, and is thriving.

He’s going to miss a few weeks regardless, so you may as well get it out of the way early on - otherwise, as someone pointed out upthread, he’ll have to do ‘settling in’ twice. I wouldn’t worry about friendships at all - they really don’t cement in those early months, and when he does join the class he’ll have an extra cachet for a day or two and then everyone will forget that he wasn’t there from the start.

If most of the children already know each other from nursery then friendships will already have formed anyway - but at this age kids don't tend to be stuck on just one friend and play with all different people.

Personally in these circumstances i don't think missing the first few weeks would be the end of the world. As the new child he might have the novelty factor that means everyone wants to play with him, especially as he is very sociable. If he was quiet and shy it would be a bit different.

How long is the recovery? Is the few weeks you’re expecting to be until full recovery?

You could ask the school for a phased return of it means he can start earlier.

Even if he just goes in for lunch and playtime at first to socialise and then moves to afternoons before full days a few weeks in?

Other than that IME reception children are still at a very fickle age. Their best friend is whoever caught worms with them that day or likes their drawing.

He’s unlikely to be left out as socially than if he was older where they form friendship groups a lot quicker.

I strongly considered deferring his entry but after a lot of thought decided against it mostly because the area we live in are incredibly difficult and largely against this.

His nursery do have capacity to keep him and said they would but feel he is as ready as the Winter born children (we’ll see!), plus this surgery should resolve the issues hopefully for good 🤞. His friends are all going to the school his nursery is attached too and I think seeing them but not being able to play with them would be hard too (nursery have to walk though the reception and can see them at the fence) and he doesn’t forget a thing.

That’s lovely that she’s thriving after such a difficult start.

Have taught Reception and just echoing others that he will be absolutely fine if he misses the first few weeks. Get the operation done as doctors think best. These first few weeks won't matter in even a year's time.

I'd go for the surgery. My DD has just finished primary. Of her class of 27, only 10 have been there from the start of Reception. Children settle in remarkably quickly, and friendship groups are not usually "set" at this age. I fully understand your worry but with good support from his Reception staff, he will make friends and get used to being in school quickly (I work as a Y2 TA and see a lot of Reception and Y1 too).